Fancee's two cent: Somethings are just plain old common courtesy: considerate, respectul, generous, lovingly. Its doesn't matter if you are asked you should feel some compassion to do unto others as you would have them do unto.
Dealing with OBEY and SUBMISSION: this is where," the worse low lifer" guy you can find becomes religious. All and all - all the men have learn these few lines of the bible. They believe in this part of the holy bible -even if they don't believe in God.
All I got to say is that when God gave this philosophy- their are guidelines that a woman needs to go by before she even began to listen to some guy preaching submit and obey.
There are requiremets from God that this man has got to meet before he is qualified to even bring you/women this philosophy(obey/submit).
God is not going to have one of us women folk out here listening to some fool talking something he heard. He is going to have to be about the business. God is not going to bring you a woman that is constantly in opposition and defying (competing) you. A man's woman in my opinion should compliment him (make him better) by being his better half.
HeadMistress
· 1 month ago
*regains consciousness & picks self up off the floor*
I am HeadMistress, (I think), and much to my surprise I approve this message!
Oh, why not... *Standing Ovation* :'-D
risky88
· 1 month ago
i've heard this line plenty of times.... but wht most guys seem to ignor is that right after the submission part, there's a whole spiel about loving your woman & treating her as well as you would treat yourself.....
in addition, that was written in the context of marriage & i think the assumption is that you're ideally supposed to be able to trust somebody to look out for your best interest the two of you are planing to spend the rest of your lives together
Name(required)
· 1 month ago
I must tell you that that is the stupidest shit I have ever heard. Do you think that maybe it's the way that you are asking her to do stuff may be a reason for her "attitude". Too often men believe that they are the masters of the world. I disagree with that notion. You can't expect a human being that is supposed to be your equal to submit to you. Just as she can take her plate into the kitchen, so can you. If you have finished you food first, how long do you wait for her before you think about getting up to put your food away? Also, why do men think that making money or spending money makes them someone's master? Are you serious? It is not her fault that you decided to spend 100 dollars on her, that's your business. How can you possibly say that you love someone if you are expecting sex or sex acts for money? That is prostitution. What I would like to see is a detailed list similar to this post about what a man is expected to do for a woman. Why should he have all the rights to say no, but she doesn't. Honestly where is the logic in that?
Lady Jei
· 1 month ago
Nice blog. And I agree 110%.
I also think what you are dealing with is the difference between a woman versus a girl and a man versus a boy.
Besides it is much easier to just do what the man is asking.
Here's where this can get tricky though. Being submissive is what a wife is to her husband, not what a girlfriend is to a boyfriend. If you are not married, ultimately you are single.
So while I may say yes on a consistant basis, what your going to get is 80/20. Therefore you know exactly what I am capable of while you dissect if I am worthy of the Mrs title, and you know that once I obtain that title, the other 20 is going to blow your socks off!
But again a man will not take advantage of this, and a woman won't have a problem meeting this need.
I'm Lady Jei...A Zeta...and I approve this message! lol!
HeadMistress
· 1 month ago
I am HeadMistress and I approve this message!!!
true2me
· 1 month ago
*claps hands*..I agree. Believe it or not I'm a bit of an old fashioned girl. Quite submissive actually...Love this post
BlogXilla
· 1 month ago
See this is why i like you so much! You're one of the realest women out there. Much love to you and dope new pic as well.
HeadMistress
· 1 month ago
Ok, my skin is crawling just cause I have an issue with the word "obey", but getting past that - you are right to a degree...but it's not only women who have this problem - saying "no" is about power and it's only the people who feel they don't have power or who don't understand power that abuse and overuse the word.
Think about little kids, what is the first word, aside from mommy/daddy that they learn and run into the ground? "No!" It's their answer to everything. Even when they mean Yes they say No.
People fail to understand that both answers, yes & no, when you're the one in the position to give the answer gives you power, but because No elicits a stronger response we ALL feel more powerful when we say it
So, men who find themselves constantly on the receiving end of a "No" should look at what they may be doing to inspire that response, if it is indeed a random without good reason "No"...it could very well be the way he's treating her that makes her unwilling to do what he wants
For most women there is nothing they won't do for their man if he treats her well, so either it's him or he just has a sour b*tch in which case he should just move on...
TheDuchess
· 1 month ago
Hey Mistress! I agree as usual!
BlogXilla
· 1 month ago
It doesn't matter what a man is doing somethings should never ever ever be told no about certain things. Obey me woman!
HeadMistress
· 1 month ago
LOL!!! GFL! Let me know how that works out for you ;-D
bogart4017
· 1 month ago
I have a nervous feeling about this one jack! I will refrain from commenting because i know how sisters will eat a brother up in here!
MelFromSales
· 1 month ago
Don't be scared not all of us women are evil Ha. I think that Xilla has a point some women are overly difficult. This dumb girl at work tells us all of her business and she does stuff like this all the time. Little does she know her man is fucking the girl in accounting. I saw them out one night. I never told b/c thats what she gets for telling her business.
TheDuchess
· 1 month ago
Funny as HELL!! LOL!!
BlogXilla
· 1 month ago
wow! She talked bout her man so much the girl from accounting started banging him? Greatness!
BlogXilla
· 1 month ago
I dare any women to come on here and tell me i am wrong! MHAHAHAHA
Trina
· 1 month ago
You're wrong. "Obey" is for marriage. All others must wait until I feel like it.
BlogXilla
· 1 month ago
So you're gonna sit here and tell me i'm wrong? LMAO okay. Thanks.
Trina
· 1 month ago
Yes I am! lol.
When women say "no" to a man, it's usually b/c she has some other need that requires fulfilling. I think the real issue is that men and women have trouble communicating. Many women don't know how to elicit their desires from men without creating a stalemate. I'll admit, I'm one of them - b/c with men, it seems asking nicely never yields the same kind of tangible results as defiance.
HeadMistress
· 1 month ago
@ "b/c with men, it seems asking nicely never yields the same kind of tangible results as defiance."
This is sad but soooo true!
BlogXilla
· 1 month ago
The two of you just like being difficult. If you can do something why so no? Because he ain't ask nicely what are we 5? If you're with me you're with me for me... You know what your man means now if he's being a jerk to be a jerk than that's different you should probably leave him. But if he just doesn't know how to talk... then you knew he ain't know how to talk when you got w/ him don't punish him for it. Give him the damn salt!
HeadMistress
· 1 month ago
LMAO! How am I difficult? I didn't say I do it, I said it's true, because it is.
I don't have an issue in this area, I fully understand what power is and how to use it and I live by the philosophy, "why say no, when you can just as easily say yes".
BlogXilla
· 1 month ago
You're doing it now! LMAO you're telling me i'm wrong when you just admitted you do what i blogged about! There is no reason for you to disagree w/ me other than for the sake of disagreeing. SMH you have serious issues! LMAO
Trina
· 1 month ago
You're asking women to be more agreeable. I'm telling you women are disagreeable for a reason - usually to get the things they want from a man. So for us to "obey" would be counterproductive, unless of course there's compromise. But I guess you didn't understand my comments.
buttington09
· 1 month ago
I know what you mean...i'm one of those people who value principle, there's a certain way i believe you should ask someone to do things for you! and if i feel like someone is TELLING me rather than ASKING me, then i tend to do the opposite out of spite...but when it comes to my man unless he's being real out of order I try to put my spite aside
BlogXilla
· 1 month ago
Personally, I tend to fck up asking people to do things and come off as i'm telling or demanding, but tht's b/c i'm pressed for time. But still does it mean that it shouldn't be done? Nah i don't think so.
buttington09
· 1 month ago
Noo it doesn't mean that, it just means finding someone who understands that about you, as well as being able to compromise your impatience! if the person is someone you care about you both should be able to compromise so that when she knows you're stressed/pressed she'll be able to suck it up, buuttt she shouldn't have to deal with that shit all the time...it gets tired! if you notice women take that a lot in beginning, it's over time that 'no' becomes a more frequent part of the conversation
juliju2
· 1 month ago
Luckily I have enough time on my hands to comment on this because I agree… somewhat :) Just like chemicals, people should have warning labels. Not all men are capable of not getting carried away with the submissive aspect. It can easily turn into a horrible power trip and that will eventually lead to a lack of respect, maybe of her or maybe her of him. My advice for any relationship would be mutual respect. Love her enough to treat her right, and love him enough to listen to him, and pass the salt. If you do things out of love verses feeding ones ego it makes it much simpler.
Tee
· 1 month ago
Love this! However, are you talking to BLACK women? You should make that clear because submissiveness and obedience is cultural - either resisted or a standard. In the Black community most women are not raised with a father in the household. And single black women are prone to take on both the feminine and masculine role to function in the workplace and at home because the Black man is ABSENT. So finding a strong BLACK man who takes care of you and fulfills you is not only SCARCE but SCARY. I can relate to this. The 'no' actually means "I don't trust you." Sadly, black men and black women don't trust each other because of the societal hardships and stereotypes that we must constantly battle. But the first step is trusting OURSELVES. It's not about "a woman obeying a man". It's about TRUST in a HEALTHY relationship. A balanced, loving, and stable Black man will attract a Black woman who is the same. And as a balanced, loving and stable Black woman...when I get mine...he ain't NEVER got worry about me saying no. LOL "What you want me to do, boo...?"
Lady Jei
· 1 month ago
CLAP CLAP CLAP. That is the #1 reason. You can't do what you don't know. As why boys don't know how to be men and girls don't know how to be women.
I have said this on this blog a hunnit times, lol. Your parents are your example. And more often times than not, if you did not see this daily, live it, experience it, you don't know how to achieve it. Which is why men will cling to a woman who treats them like a King, and a woman will fall head over heals for a man who treats her like a Princess. Its the unknown. And often times that can have the opposite effect.
I left my last man of 3 years, because at the end of the day he just didn't understand that I had no problem making his plate, washing his clothes. He just always questioned everything I did, and these were simple things. He just didn't understand why I would change my schedule to make sure his needs were met and it never compromised my integrity. I got sooo tired of the "why you wanna do that for me, nah I'm good" then things going south shortly after. When all he had to do was see that I was on his team, not his competitor.
This is so true Tee, so true.
Tee
· 1 month ago
Girl PREACH! On his "team" not his competitor!!!!! I experienced the SAME thing! That's where the balance comes into place. That's the basis of the law of attraction. You attract what you are. So with the REALIZATION that it wasn't a "team" indicated that you/I had GROWN - MATURED. So it was inevitable that things wouldn't last. GIRRRLLLLLL I'm just waiting on the right one! Thanks Lady Jei!
Oxy_GEN
· 1 month ago
Hey Blogxilla!!! For some reason this post intrigued me! Last week, I told my man no when he asked me to iron his shirt. All before I've ironed his shirts, folded his clothes, hung them up, the whole 12 yards. I love my man very much, but that day I was feeling like why should I have to iron your shirt. Why should I do this little thing for you when you couldn't even take me on a picnic?
Some days I found myself getting angry and telling him no to certain things even if it doesn't kill me or "affect me or compromise my morals". I'm a submissive woman and I love my man telling me what to do, but he knows where I draw the line. We have an unspoken understanding when it comes to me being that way. I will never obey him because obey is taboo. Unless I'm married to him or any man obey may be a better term to describe submissive.
I concur with your post and love when my man tells me what to do and how to do it and how much spit to use and how fast he wants me to ride, when to turn over, when to spread it. I will even get on webcam and put on a show for him with ease because I love him and that's a part of keeping my man happy.
He knows he runs this relationship, but we communicate about our opinions and our views about everything so I know my place and he knows his!!!
I love when he makes me call him daddy!!!
BAHIYAH
· 1 month ago
fair words... :)
BAHIYAH
· 1 month ago
fair words... :)
mzchinkyeyez
· 1 month ago
"its not what you ask for its how you asked for it" I'm the type of woman that enjoys taking care of her man....if you good to me ill do things for u u without u having to ask or things u didnt think i payed attention to about u, however ask me the wrong way and that could easily go away..just my two cents...
Kesha Shadwick
· 1 month ago
I try and try and try again to tell my girls this exact information but they ALL turn there nose up on me. They wonder why they are still searching and single...great post XILLA!!!
DaRuler
· 1 month ago
i think in a relationship it should be 50/50... i'm equally obligated to your need as much as you are to mine..
Blacksand
· 1 month ago
I do unto others as I would have them do unto me. Not in some things but in all things. If you take care of your woman because you lover her and want to take care of her she will take care of you in more ways than you can imagine. That is the struth.
Also, if a man is taking care of his woman like I mentioned above she will not have a problem submitting to him. What the man has to remember is that that submission goes both ways. As she submits to him he is to submit to her. Furthermore, it is not what you say to a woman. it is how you say what you are saying to the woman. A kind word deters wrath and can bring about a summer rain. A soothing tone quenches an attitude or ignites an unquenchable flame. Both parties can win when one treats the other the way they in turn want to be treated. It is a two way street that can be a most pleasurable, enjoyable, journey when each one puts the other one first. Always a pleasure Xilla, Easy..
buttington09
· 1 month ago
This truth: Imma need you to respond to this Xilla
"I must tell you that that is the stupidest shit I have ever heard. Do you think that maybe it's the way that you are asking her to do stuff may be a reason for her "attitude". Too often men believe that they are the masters of the world. I disagree with that notion. You can't expect a human being that is supposed to be your equal to submit to you. Just as she can take her plate into the kitchen, so can you. If you have finished you food first, how long do you wait for her before you think about getting up to put your food away? Also, why do men think that making money or spending money makes them someone's master? Are you serious? It is not her fault that you decided to spend 100 dollars on her, that's your business. How can you possibly say that you love someone if you are expecting sex or sex acts for money? That is prostitution. What I would like to see is a detailed list similar to this post about what a man is expected to do for a woman. Why should he have all the rights to say no, but she doesn't. Honestly where is the logic in that"?
All Comments
Somethings are just plain old common courtesy: considerate, respectul, generous, lovingly. Its doesn't matter if you are asked you should feel some compassion to do unto others as you would have them do unto.
Dealing with OBEY and SUBMISSION: this is where," the worse low lifer"
guy you can find becomes religious. All and all - all the men have learn these few lines of the bible. They believe in this part of the holy bible -even if they don't believe in God.
All I got to say is that when God gave this philosophy- their are guidelines that a woman needs to go by before she even began to listen to some guy preaching submit and obey.
There are requiremets from God that this man has got to meet before he is qualified to even bring you/women this philosophy(obey/submit).
God is not going to have one of us women folk out here listening to some fool talking something he heard. He is going to have to be about the business.
God is not going to bring you a woman that is constantly in opposition and defying (competing) you. A man's woman in my opinion should compliment him (make him better) by being his better half.
I am HeadMistress, (I think), and much to my surprise I approve this message!
Oh, why not... *Standing Ovation* :'-D
in addition, that was written in the context of marriage & i think the assumption is that you're ideally supposed to be able to trust somebody to look out for your best interest the two of you are planing to spend the rest of your lives together
I also think what you are dealing with is the difference between a woman versus a girl and a man versus a boy.
Besides it is much easier to just do what the man is asking.
Here's where this can get tricky though. Being submissive is what a wife is to her husband, not what a girlfriend is to a boyfriend. If you are not married, ultimately you are single.
So while I may say yes on a consistant basis, what your going to get is 80/20. Therefore you know exactly what I am capable of while you dissect if I am worthy of the Mrs title, and you know that once I obtain that title, the other 20 is going to blow your socks off!
But again a man will not take advantage of this, and a woman won't have a problem meeting this need.
I'm Lady Jei...A Zeta...and I approve this message! lol!
Think about little kids, what is the first word, aside from mommy/daddy that they learn and run into the ground? "No!" It's their answer to everything. Even when they mean Yes they say No.
People fail to understand that both answers, yes & no, when you're the one in the position to give the answer gives you power, but because No elicits a stronger response we ALL feel more powerful when we say it
So, men who find themselves constantly on the receiving end of a "No" should look at what they may be doing to inspire that response, if it is indeed a random without good reason "No"...it could very well be the way he's treating her that makes her unwilling to do what he wants
For most women there is nothing they won't do for their man if he treats her well, so either it's him or he just has a sour b*tch in which case he should just move on...
I agree as usual!
When women say "no" to a man, it's usually b/c she has some other need that requires fulfilling. I think the real issue is that men and women have trouble communicating. Many women don't know how to elicit their desires from men without creating a stalemate. I'll admit, I'm one of them - b/c with men, it seems asking nicely never yields the same kind of tangible results as defiance.
This is sad but soooo true!
I don't have an issue in this area, I fully understand what power is and how to use it and I live by the philosophy, "why say no, when you can just as easily say yes".
I have said this on this blog a hunnit times, lol. Your parents are your example. And more often times than not, if you did not see this daily, live it, experience it, you don't know how to achieve it.
Which is why men will cling to a woman who treats them like a King, and a woman will fall head over heals for a man who treats her like a Princess.
Its the unknown. And often times that can have the opposite effect.
I left my last man of 3 years, because at the end of the day he just didn't understand that I had no problem making his plate, washing his clothes. He just always questioned everything I did, and these were simple things. He just didn't understand why I would change my schedule to make sure his needs were met and it never compromised my integrity. I got sooo tired of the "why you wanna do that for me, nah I'm good" then things going south shortly after. When all he had to do was see that I was on his team, not his competitor.
This is so true Tee, so true.
For some reason this post intrigued me! Last week, I told my man no when he asked me to iron his shirt. All before I've ironed his shirts, folded his clothes, hung them up, the whole 12 yards. I love my man very much, but that day I was feeling like why should I have to iron your shirt. Why should I do this little thing for you when you couldn't even take me on a picnic?
Some days I found myself getting angry and telling him no to certain things even if it doesn't kill me or "affect me or compromise my morals". I'm a submissive woman and I love my man telling me what to do, but he knows where I draw the line. We have an unspoken understanding when it comes to me being that way. I will never obey him because obey is taboo. Unless I'm married to him or any man obey may be a better term to describe submissive.
I concur with your post and love when my man tells me what to do and how to do it and how much spit to use and how fast he wants me to ride, when to turn over, when to spread it. I will even get on webcam and put on a show for him with ease because I love him and that's a part of keeping my man happy.
He knows he runs this relationship, but we communicate about our opinions and our views about everything so I know my place and he knows his!!!
I love when he makes me call him daddy!!!
Also, if a man is taking care of his woman like I mentioned above she will not have a problem submitting to him. What the man has to remember is that that submission goes both ways. As she submits to him he is to submit to her. Furthermore, it is not what you say to a woman. it is how you say what you are saying to the woman. A kind word deters wrath and can bring about a summer rain. A soothing tone quenches an attitude or ignites an unquenchable flame. Both parties can win when one treats the other the way they in turn want to be treated. It is a two way street that can be a most pleasurable, enjoyable, journey when each one puts the other one first. Always a pleasure Xilla, Easy..
"I must tell you that that is the stupidest shit I have ever heard. Do you think that maybe it's the way that you are asking her to do stuff may be a reason for her "attitude". Too often men believe that they are the masters of the world. I disagree with that notion. You can't expect a human being that is supposed to be your equal to submit to you. Just as she can take her plate into the kitchen, so can you. If you have finished you food first, how long do you wait for her before you think about getting up to put your food away? Also, why do men think that making money or spending money makes them someone's master? Are you serious? It is not her fault that you decided to spend 100 dollars on her, that's your business. How can you possibly say that you love someone if you are expecting sex or sex acts for money? That is prostitution. What I would like to see is a detailed list similar to this post about what a man is expected to do for a woman. Why should he have all the rights to say no, but she doesn't. Honestly where is the logic in that"?