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(is tht considered the same as 50cent telling Rick Ross's son that he has a stepdad in NY?)....lol
i am dedicating Fantasia's Babymama to all the sistas out there! OW!
Fast forward, my daughter was born and he started doing the in and out routine. We were long broken up by then, but he would find reasons to use her as an excuse to be around me. He'd offer to take us places and buy her things then immediately ask if we can get back together. When I said no, he would stop coming around or calling for months at a time.
When child support came into the picture (let me make this clear, I did not file the case against him, the state did due to her being on Medi-cal) he told me flat out he wanted to see her more so he didn't have to pay me as much money. At this time the state said he was spending about 88 days a year with her so based off of our incomes they decided that he was to pay $234 a month, half of day care and provide medical insurance for her. He does not help at all with child care, has never kept a job long enough to have insurance and he's currently $9,133 behind in child support (my daughter is almost 10 now).
He does not call to speak to her, he's seen her 3 days in the last 6 months. Her birthday came and went and all he did was call her for 1 minute and ask her what I bought for her. He then bought her boots and a jacket but refused to let her bring them to my house so that she could wear them to school (mind you he gave her these presents a month and a half after her birthday). On Christmas, he threw a fit for me not allowing her to wake up XMas morning at his house, but then when he did pick her up, he called 2 hours later and asked if he could drop her off early because he had "important stuff" to do. I've asked him several times, even cried to him, asking him why he treats her how he does, she's never done anything wrong to him and he screams and curses me out, tells me to shut the F up and mind my own business. He claims he's doing as much as he can/should for his child and acts like I'm ridiculous for asking him to be more of a part of her life. On Halloween he called to ask if he could take her around the block when I came to my parents neighborhood to take her Trick or Treating, and I asked why he only comes around on holidays and why doesn't he just call her every normal day to see how school was...since then, he's called twice. We basically hear from him on her birthday, thanksgiving, halloween and christmas. Oh and FATHERS DAY, which is a fucking joke to me.
He has a new girlfriend and a baby with her, and his girlfriend has told me that I shouldn't expect child support from him considering the fact that I'm the only one who wanted my daughter to be born in the first place. In the past he's gotten into arguments with his girlfriend in front of my daughter when I've came by to pick her up and he'll chase after his girlfriend and leave my daughter screaming and crying, scared and hurt because of all the insults his girlfriend has thrown at her. I'm partially thankful that he's not in the picture now because that's a horrible environment for any child to be around. It hurts her self esteem though, his absence, because he has a 2 year old son that she loves but rarely gets to see and she feels as though she has been replaced. Its to the point that she's told me flat out she doesn't want me to have a child with my current boyfriend because she doesn't want to be forgotten about. Fortunately she has a terrific friendship with my boyfriend and he does the best he can to be a positive male role model in her life.
Her father does nothing for her, at all. He has literally had 20+ jobs in 10 years, he quits every time child support starts garnishing his check. He used to work under the table, pocketing about $4,000 a month but would not spare $20 for school lunches. I've even told him he can take the child support money and buy gift cards to grocery stores so that I can go food shopping and that way he'll know I'm not spending the money on BS, but he refuses. He lost his license and car because he didn't want to pay his child support so his license is suspended, he couldn't register his car so it has now been sitting in an impound lot somewhere for the last 8 months or so. A couple birthdays ago he boasted about stealing her presents from Old Navy, which I then promptly told him to not bother bringing them by, I'm not having my child wear stolen clothing. He won't do anything to better his life, he didn't even graduate high school because he said it was too hard to have a kid and finish school. He drinks constantly, has done drugs with her in the house. He refuses to get a GED, he can't hold down a job. I however, graduated from college in 2005 with my BS in Business Marketing, I have my own place, own car, and a fantastic job.
Her father has not played a consistent role in her life since day one, He claims I spent his child support checks on clothing and things for myself but her after school care, school lunches, medical insurance, and clothes all equal about $350 a month out of my pocket, which is more than what he's required to give me. He's even stooped so low that he's taken money out of her wallet to go buy beer and took money from her 8th birthday party because he needed gas to get home.
I don't want people to think I'm man-bashing or that I think all fathers are dead beats. I do not, I think there are some terrific single fathers out there and I give them much props for playing a positive and consistent role in their childrens lives. As for my situation, I don't pursue child support anymore, I let the D.A. take care of that. Its been 10 years and I've never tried to raise the amount he owes, I don't argue with him, I don't call him or harrass him, its pointless. A man will be there if a man wants to be there, otherwise there is nothing you can do to make a father be a part of his childs life. Whats really sad is this is the same thing his MOTHER did to him, so he's well aware of how it feels, but doesn't think he's doing anything wrong by treating his daughter that way. According to him, its my fault that he can't support her, its my fault that he's not in the picture. He claims I've been screwing him since day one. I don't ask him or his family for anything, I let his parents spend time with her whenever they ask, I do everything I can to make sure his family is a part of her life. Point blank, her father does absolutely nothing for her other than show her what kind of person not to be when she grows up.
Although this situation can be incredibly hard on my pockets and peace of mind sometimes, I'm honestly 100% thankful and grateful I had my daughter. I wouldn't have done anything with my life if it was not for her. I pity that man more than I hate him, he's the one missing out. He's the one that's never going to really know the joy of having this little girl in his life. She stopped asking about him, she doesn't want to talk to him or see him anymore and honestly its heartbreaking to have a little girl feel so unwanted and unloved when she's never done anything wrong to anyone. I can say with 100% conviction that I have done everything possible to make sure she never feels as though she's missing out on anything in life. She's extremely intelligent, gorgeous, kind hearted, sensitive, and funny; everything you could ever ask for in a daughter, she's it. I'm lucky and blessed to have her in my life, she's the one who made me a better person. I wish her father would be around but you can't make a boy turn into a man unless he wants to.
In regards to the things he's done, after the smoking and drinking was found out, I told him he wasn't allowed to spend time with her unless it was at his parents house seeing that he couldn't be trusted to act like an adult on his own. This worked for a while but then he got on his "I aint doin shit for her/you" tip and stopped coming around. His current chick is actually abusive towards him, he's the bitch in the situation... I've banned her from being around my child completely until she shows she can act like a woman and control herself. This is probably a lot of the reason why he doesn't come around anymore, he's always shown more love to the females than to his own child. She threatens him and tells him if he doesn't do what she wants him to do she's going to kick him out of their apartment and take their son away. The whole situation is a hot ass mess, hence me being partially grateful he doesn't come around anymore, but the other part of me isn't because its hurting her.
1. its ok to toot yo own horn. LOUD!
2. you are strong by your self, which helps you be strong for the kid.
3. muthaFUGG dat nucca! you gone be aite.
4. Have some LadyDaze...[i regularly treat mysisters to a classy meal/manipedi and we talk. about how they feel about my dad bein an ass, about my mom's situation, school. whatever. TALK to your girl! let her know u can't do shit about her dad, but y'all are so dayum hawt w/o him that any man is BLESSED to even be around up in ya'lls space]
5. Forgive urself for pickin the wrong one. soooo ur apple wudn't as ripe as it shoulda been. clearly this clown needs to mature, and brothas are dumb. he may not never get there and that's ok becase he's not needed. find another male friend or something that can show her what a man is...
to be continued. i'm on my way to mentor to young women [HA how perfect. i'm all up in the mind mode now]
be encouraged!
Honey Love
I'm truly not trying to male bash here at all. I also know men who do their part for the mother of their children. I just wish people would think more about the children instead of their own petty issues when it comes to things like this.
From everything you described, especially the drug use, you may have a very strong case for getting it done whether he agrees or not.
The difficulty that child may have as a result of unestablished paternity could very well be a breeze compared to the difficulty that having the negative and destructive influence brings to their life.
I don't recall where it happened but just a few weeks ago there was a case in the news of a father who had never spent time with his child but after being ordered to pay support he went to pick him up for a "visit" and he killed the child out of spite and that is not the only case like that out there, there are men killing their kids out of spite because the mother doesn't want a relationship anymore, there are men killing their pregnant wives and girlfriends because they don't want a child and/or don't want to pay child support.
It's hideous and sadly its becoming more and more prevalent
It all boils down to knowing who you're dealing with and even if you end up having a child with the "wrong type" of person at least be smart enough at that point to open your eyes and see that person for who they are - they will tell you themselves through their actions and attitude who they really are, it's just up to you to listen.
I agree with thinking on a deeper level but it's thinking deeper about both sides of the issue, its not worth damage to a child's emotional and physical wellbeing to chase a check.
and emotional damage being more grave wo established paternity?! that whole part of ur reply missed me please explain in depth.....[not being sarcastic, i really don't know what u meant]
no matter what people think gettin $ from ur deadbeat daddy ain' never a bad thing! if u think it is i dunno i think ur off.... my friend is 26 and his dad never did anything for him, his mom somehow got back support and the gov signed over his pops stim check to him. what he missed as a child he's getting now and his dad's negligence helped put him thru grad school. his mother was also smart enough to not parade many men around/make sure he had positive male rolemodels.... i'd rather take it THERE than whatever ur talkin about.....
I'm talking about men and women whose actions cause more harm to the child than their child support money does good. It doesn't matter how much money is at stake, any good mother who has been through it will tell you there is no dollar amount in the world that is worth an emotionally/physically damaged or dead child
Sad to say but in some cases not pursuing that money and or severing ties WILL keep Jr from gettin shot...
The fact is an absent parent and lack of funds will also have a negative impact on a child but in some cases it is the lesser of two evils...
I envy you and anyone who doesn't get what I'm talking about it just means you haven't been faced with that type of ugliness personally or witnessed someone you care about go through it and that's a nice place to be!
the correlation just doesn't make sense to me, but may make perfect sense to some. i mean a child being emotionally strengthened because their mom denied paternal rights? nah! i can't see it happening anywhere anyhow. lack of money and participation 100% of the time will damage a child emotionally and physically... i do aggree that having a bad parent be present is awful but $ for the kid's expenses is ALWAYS good. ALWAYS.... now if u get an order and then the parent abuses the child or somethign reactionary you can still get ya money and the child no longer has to see the parent that's an abuser. @ least in IL that's the law....
things that make ya go mmmm mmm mmm! YEA YEAAAA!
THAT IS A SCARY ASS STATEMENT!!!
Who really believes that it is that easy to get out of that situaton once you're in it?
Who really believes that getting that money is worth the risk to a child if/when there are early warning signs that can prevent it?
Who really believes that any loving mother or father whose child has been abused by the other parent would even CARE about continued payments at that point?
That kind of damage leave permanent scars, its virtually irrevocable, all the child support payments mutiplied by Obama's proposed stimulus package can't fix it
any loving parent that still wanted to provide the best life and not struggle financially will do whatever they have to do short of harm themselves or their child to GET DAT PAPER and survive. maybe we're just a bit mo' gangsta when it comes to taking care o' kids where i'm from.
ur insinuatiing that pursuing payments can be detrimental which is unfathomable, and simply put, dumb as fugg, getting financial assistance for a child IS NEVER EVER EVER EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER a bad thing. EVER!
p.s. i have never and will never say that you should put a child around a parent that displays signs of crazy. i have no idea where THIS [Who really believes that getting that money is worth the risk to a child if/when there are early warning signs that can prevent it?] came from...... that makes no sense... if i was the mother mentioned above my seed would have NEVER ever gone around that clown, only the grandparents[if deemed fit] would get to spend time, and i'd throw 10fits sideways if anybody did drugs or fought around my mentee let alone a niece or daughter or son.... and i'd get paid all along, but thas just ME lol
p.p.s. being broke and teased and wanting for things ur mom could afford, but chooses not to because she stuck on her own stupid had long witstanding affects. i look at kids day in and day out that don't have the j's or consistent meals, and a mama that is so dang indignant/right in her wrong that she won't pursue the babydaddy and wanna spit on 'em!
what if ur broke and down and out and ur childs teacher gets to playin in they bootyhole? u DO KNOW that many pedophiles become teachers right!? what then? you stop taking them to public school/educating them?
p.s. Obama's proposed stimulus package can't fix ANYTHING, thus the stocks falling dramatically, and more and more of his stans coming out in LACK OF SUPPORT/DISAPPOINTMENT w/ his bullish. no details+action=FUGGERY FOR THE NATION....which is what Obama represents right now...he's just smiling and lying his way into our doom! but thassa whole nother post!
But I think it's nice for you to give out a Childrens Place gift card. They have cute clothes for girls, I wouldn't recommend for boys, but girls you can find anything cute from matching tights,purseand hat the whole shabang!!!!!
Hopefully God will see fit to never put a woman with a child at risk for abuse under your alleged mentorship