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Put A Ring On Her

Started by BlogXilla · 7 months ago

One of my readers asked me my thoughts on grown women saving themselves for marriage. In her email she told me that her reasoning to wait was a personal choice that she decided to make a few years back, but is now having a hard to finding a man that is appreciative of her decision. [...] ... Continue reading »

126 comments

  • THEflyGIRL

    7 months ago

    My father, the good reverend, has always taught my brother & sister that sex before marriage is a positive thing. Let me explain - i don't want ya'll calling for him to step down off the pulpit. Intimacy is one of the MOST important parts of any relationship and if you are planning to spend the rest of your life with someone, you had better make sure you two are compatible.
    reply
  • 404

    7 months ago

    Well said from your father. Reverend or not he is a man, a human being and for him to instill that in his seeds is beautiful to me. Communication is wonderful. ..............................NOW..............................did he tell ya'll how to put a hat on that willy??? Or was that TMI??
    reply
  • anon

    7 months ago

    As a woman, I CONCUR. It's hard to find a man that you're fully compatible with- and let's face it, sex is a huge issue as far as compatibility goes.
    reply
  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    It is, sex should never be the foundation of a relationship but it's a major part of the base of a healthy one.
    reply
  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    waiting is some bs. again, i ain' waitin on shit! i want it harder than the other, faster than the rest, and i need a test run before i settle on a model. thas why i wasn't a bama supporter, i need somebody with experience that knows what the hell they're doin! PERIOUD!

    since men can't like get popped how do you know if he waited!? u don't! u sattin round thinkin prince charming's done crossed his legs when quita, tamara, and becky have slobbed, sampled, and warmed up the d-i for u! again what if u monkey around and don't get a winner. he's working with a vienna and ur a deep well of passion. i'll be damned if the sex's like throwin a hotdog down the hall. NO BO boo boo!

    Moral: TRY B4 U BUY! we ain' in Ho Kim's House o' Beauty! ain' no restrictions waits, none o'' dat goin down in this here honeypott in chi-town. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit!
    reply
  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    so question, if you see a dude who you're feeling how soon are you giving up the goodies?
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    i'll hump him that day if i wanna. i really don't believe in that he's gotta wait business. if the date went well, the wine got me whining, i'm GOIN! life's too short to worry bout what he'll think in the morning! i've humped guys middate and hit the club after and we dated for months. i've made men wait for ages and he got it elsewhere. there's no real rule to it! i operate exclusively on feelings. if i feel it, i'm goin! period!
    reply
  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    I feel you and I must say I agree with you, I mean if sex is what you wan then cool, by all means do it. But if you want more you may want to take the time to get to know a person it's all about what you want from the person.
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  • Nixx_01

    7 months ago

    While reading this I instantly thought of Charlotte in Sex and the City when she decided to wait until she married Trey. This man couldn't get it up. I agree completely Xillia you have to not at least 95% of what you are about to get into. Sex is definitely part of that 95%. I commend those that wish to wait... best of luck to you.
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    lol Best of luck to you... lol That's a very bold choice to make, and it's want with tremendous reward and maybe even more risk. Good sex opens up a relationship to make everything else better.
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  • VIChick

    7 months ago

    Exactly Charlotte got the short end of the stick. She decided to wait and that momma's boy couldn't do shit. I personally couldn't do it.
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  • Nixx_01

    7 months ago

    I agree to wait until its the right time with that person... but its going down before I jump the broom. I intend to jump the broom once. And when I do get married I will know all I need to know to fully commit and say yes. That includes what he can do in the bedroom. You see Charlotte didn't wait with Harry...
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  • VIChick

    7 months ago

    True, you gotta know what you getting into before you get married. Charlotte learned her lesson...
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  • 404

    7 months ago

    I think it is admirable in 2008 for a woman to want to wait until marriage. Especially since she's had it in the past. Although it is not for me I say that she has a conviction and she's sticking to it. That is her choice. Just as it is the decision of the men that she encounters to choose not to continue to deal with her. And I do agree with Xilla that wanting to be "freak" takes practice. If he is a sexual intellectual then he will have the patience to teach her the things that are pleasing to him sexually. Watching pornos only gets you so far. It's like watching someone drive but not actually doing it yourself.

    And marriage is another issue in itself. Who wants the same person day in and day out for the rest of their lives?

    Forever? Forever? Ever? Ever? Ever? BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    reply
  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    I dont think marriage has to be boring, you just have to be open to new things. I think marriage can be great. I mean I'm not a pro on that topic because i'm not married but i think there is one person out there for everybody.
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    marriage can be dope....i don't want my comments confused, but i know that the liklihood of me getting married is slim to none. there isn't anyone in chicago for me so hell bring on the humpees, a sista got needs!

    99% of the time people marry the wrong one, u MUST step into that kinda contract with explicit demands and things u'll bend on. communication and imagination are key! i ain' no marriage expert but my 'rents were unified 30 yrs b4 the split and i've been drankin up many a flute recently at weddings of convenience.....people are more into the idea of waiting and marriage than the practical application...the two are soooooooooooo different.
    reply
  • 404

    7 months ago

    There can be one person for everybody, but do you hafta commit to being with that person the rest of your life? Why can't two people just love and laugh and enjoy one another and when the ride is over get off?
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    AGREED! i think the women that wait can't get it, but THAS just me! its RARE if EVER than u see a dime talking bout some I'm mother Taquita preachin abstinence on the block. its typicall them bustedass whackass angry ass black women lookin for a new gimic. let's just be really real! j/k sorta....

    if thas ur choice, go for it, but i know of a couple that waited and they haven't been married a year and dude's cheating and she's all up in arms....we all said, "this can't be good. but if the Lord said wait, i ain' tryna lose ma life." sure enough as usual i was right right right... mmm mm! dang shame!
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Wow. It's sad to me. The whole microwave generation ideal that we have in 2008. The other sad and confusing thing is people's word matched against people's actions. I meet many of people who SAY they are Christians and will praise God with the same mouth they curse someone out who offends them or gives them a funny look. People are all about God when it's convienient and doesn't cross their emotional "needs" or doesn't hinder their personal sense of entitlement. If you truly have faith then God will work out the ins and outs of your sexual relationship with your husband or wife. AND by the way you do NOT have to be so sexually experienced with a long term or many partners in order to sexually satisy your man or woman...that's just ridiculous and clearly a man made philosphy built on greed or maybe it's simply built on what you are used to or want to believe. I'm not saying NO don't have sex but i am saying that if you are claiming to be a Christian, Trust God will ALL parts of your life and want to please God and go to Heaven (as the Bible says) that wait (and again not saying all that have sex will go to Hell or that sexual sin is the only sin). Waiting, it's worth it and there is a reason that it's in The GOOD book. God is no fool and if you look at the state of the world today and how degrading sex has become for most, especially our young children, you can see why HE wrote the law as HE did. If it's not right it can RUIN you and many women as well as men are runied and mask it with new partners and pleasures. The ruin came from past sexual partners that you thought you liked or wanted to stay with but OOPS it didn't work out and so on and so forth and so you keep getting new partners...it becomes a sad ongoing cycle. Keep on your pants America. Yes it feels good of course but inner strength and trust in a relationship feels better! There are a great number of people I know that waited and are very happy that they did. I am attractive, i am happy, and i am waiting. I turn dudes down yes, and even have had to let some go who felt they couldn't wait and i'm not mad cuz if you just want to have SEX then it's not for everyone to wait. But for me as a woman of God, i do it all with the peace of mind that comes from a true relationship with God my Father, it's NOT easy but i am waiting knowing that in the right time yes my PRINCE is coming. Hell the women who are out there having sex aint getting princes anyway and they just end up many times having sex with different boyfriends OR random dudes who they later feel hurt by and STILL aint getting any marriage proposals. I'm better off honey and have a great support system of male and female friends alike. Yes God gives us choice and the choice is yours. Trust HIM in this, wait. God bless...
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Wow. It's sad to me. The whole microwave generation ideal that we have in 2008. The other sad and confusing thing is people's word matched against people's actions. I meet many of people who SAY they are Christians and will praise God with the same mouth they curse someone out who offends them or gives them a funny look. People are all about God when it's convienient and doesn't cross their emotional "needs" or doesn't hinder their personal sense of entitlement. If you truly have faith then God will work out the ins and outs of your sexual relationship with your husband or wife. Sex was meant for HUSBAND and WIFE but we as humans in our greed and anxious nature (mommentary pleasure driven) have made it "OK" for society and it's gotten worse and more perverted with the passage of time. AND by the way you do NOT have to be so sexually experienced with a long term or many partners in order to sexually satisy your man or woman...that's just ridiculous and clearly a man made philosphy built on greed or maybe it's simply built on what you are used to or want to believe. I'm not saying NO don't have sex but i am saying that if you are claiming to be a Christian, Trust God will ALL parts of your life and want to please God and go to Heaven (as the Bible says) that wait (and again not saying all that have sex will go to Hell or that sexual sin is the only sin). Waiting, it's worth it and there is a reason that it's in The GOOD book. God is no fool and if you look at the state of the world today and how degrading sex has become for most, especially our young children, you can see why HE wrote the law as HE did. If it's not right it can RUIN you and many women as well as men are runied and mask it with new partners and pleasures. The ruin came from past sexual partners that you thought you liked or wanted to stay with but OOPS it didn't work out and so on and so forth and so you keep getting new partners...it becomes a sad ongoing cycle. Lets not even talk about STD's and unwanted pregnancies! Keep on your pants America. Yes it feels good of course but inner strength and trust in a relationship feels better! There are a great number of people I know that waited and are very happy that they did. I am attractive, i am happy, and i am waiting. I turn dudes down yes, and even have had to let some go who felt they couldn't wait and i'm not mad cuz if you just want to have SEX then it's not for everyone to wait. But for me as a woman of God, i do it all with the peace of mind that comes from a true relationship with God my Father, it's NOT easy but i am waiting knowing that in the right time yes my PRINCE is coming. Hell the women who are out there having sex aint getting princes anyway and they just end up many times having sex with different boyfriends OR random dudes who they later feel hurt by and STILL aint getting any marriage proposals. I'm better off honey and have a great support system of male and female friends alike. I commend the woman or man that takes the challenge and reward, even though yes at times difficult(Having sex can be difficult as well emotionally and physically with disease), to wait. Yes God gives us choice and the choice is yours. Trust HIM in this, wait. God bless...
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  • Ness

    7 months ago

    I think that a female making that decision is good if that's what she wants to do. But at the same time, her man needs to be in the same boat with her...(meaning he's waiting for marriage also)

    For me, I need to know wht a guy is working w/ sexually. Because I feel like sex is a form of communcation. Although certain words are being said while in the act, it's the communication and connection that bonds the two of you together.

    It's important to have the mental, spiritual, emotional, & intellectual connection, but without a sexual connection your marrige isn't going to be 'whole'.

    To marry someone w/o knowing that info about them is like marrying someone w/o knowing their credit score. Ur setting urself up for the unexpected.
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  • 404

    7 months ago

    Do you check their FICO scores foreal? lol already or only when you are serious with someone?


    Not the phone sex dude right???? lmao
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  • Ness

    7 months ago

    LOL if I'm serious w/ them heck yeah. I need tht info to be disclosed at some point. Cause I know tht u inherit ur spouses credit & who need bad credit to be added to the bill lol.

    Ppl do it...I had this guy ask me b4 I could ask him lmao.

    Nah...I didn't get tht info from the phone sex dude (yet) lmao... (j/k).
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  • 404

    7 months ago

    so when shawty asked you first did you give it to him............the score I mean.
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  • Ness

    7 months ago

    @ Sugar,

    Nah b/c we only knew each other for a few wks to a month lol...
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    you checking credit scores? WOW lmao!! lol phone sex dude needs to watch out.
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  • Ness

    7 months ago

    He has no worries unless he & I were to get serious... they only contact we've has was the phone lol.
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  • Nixx_01

    7 months ago

    I completely agree. You both need to agree to go down the road of waiting until after marriage. The relationship is already doomed if she is waiting but he is not. You have to know what you are going to get. Including good or bad credit! The financial picture is also apart of the 95% I mentioned earlier. ;)
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  • Ness

    7 months ago

    Exactly! Sex and finances are the cause of most of the divorces. If u don't know wht ur getting into then ur gonna have a hell of a time trying to figure out how to make it right and if it's worth making right and if it isn't then it's gonna cost $$$$ to get out of it.
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    how long do you make a person wait on avg or do you just play it by ear?
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  • Nixx_01

    7 months ago

    I don't set it by a calendar date or watch. I tend to wait until I'm comfortable with him. We both agree to the terms of the relationship. Once those things have been determined the chemistry is right it can go down.
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  • circa-81

    7 months ago

    @ MiMi

    You make a good point if you are only referring to Christians or any other religious group for that matter. Personally I think that religion is just as flawed and tainted as every other thing man has touched. But please understand that religion only applies to you and the other people like you. Not everybody is religious or want to live their life restrained from their genuine natural humanity. As far as people claiming they can just be freaks naturally is possible, but like Xilla said what if you find out that you don't even like sex or you can't even possibly satisfy your partner. That 'waiting' thing is an old school product that is surely going out existence. And being a freak is because of your actions not by your words; this is something that can't be learned if it isn't there naturally. That doesn't even make sense by somebody saying they want to have sex but yet their actions are speaking louder than their words.
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Intimacy IS important AND the Word of God is also clear. It can still be built without a "test drive". What you don't think God would tell us to sustain and then not allow us to build that? Come on now! People have sex building false intimacy before marriage and STILL get divorced so you already know! Don't always succomb to your emotions and the society of now like the majority of the world in regards to sex, most of that behavior has caused drama and ruin between male and female relationships, there is little purity left. Stand out in a totally different way. I commend the man or woman that takes the challenge and reward, even though yes difficult at times (Having sex can also be difficult as well emotionally and physically with disease or when feelings are not matched up), to wait. God does not lie, there is blessing in being righteous and not everyone is out doing the horizontal samba just cuz their body tells them to. Take heart, I know some good lookin' folks who are holding out and they are not miserable! I know people having sex and are miserable...i mean WHAT!? The enemy is a lie, you know that right. But...of course again, the choice is yours but if you are praising God on Sunday mornin' and tootin' it up on Sunday night, something aint right just like if you are stealing or cursing with a full conscious and then praising God when you feel like it you dead WRONG son. Re-evaluate yourself and your relationship with God. Don't take from God until the well runs dry. No one is perfect and it is NOT expected but there is such thing as the consequences of disobedience, just like when your daddy whopped you as a kid for beating down your baby brother, but this is worse. Just letting ya know darlings...
    Peace!
    ;)
    reply
  • circa-81

    7 months ago

    On the other side of things....

    My brother tried this sh!t with some highly religious girl. I commend him though he made it 2 years and thats with me telling him he's a f#ckin' idiot. Now for me that sh!t is not going to fly. Tell me to wait untilmarriage to get some a$$ and then I'll have you waiting until marriage for me to spend some fetti on that a$$.
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  • 404

    7 months ago

    Tell it! Tell it! lol

    And then what happened with shawty and ole girl?? They still together?
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  • SassyScorpio

    7 months ago

    I hate it when women say there aren't any good men or that I can find a good man. When are we as women going to learn that chasing men around or using them as bed toys is gonna leave you lonely. We can't go looking for a relationship. That's how people end up in bad dead end relationships. First we need to learn to be happy by ourselves before we can make anyone else happy. The choice she made for herslf is her decision, it is a long tough road, me personally I've learned from that choice and it worked for a while. Sex complicates things for some women so holding back may help you to see things for what they are.
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    i agree unless you live in chicago. there aren't any here that are interested in brown to dark sistas. PERIOD! i am finally at this place in my life where i'm content and happy about the martian i've become. if you aren't happy and at peace you can't engage in healthy relationship period. i'm excited about the possibilty of finding that true love and practicing my technique until i get there! doing so helps me determine what i like and don't. whats cool and whats HAWT!
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  • VIChick

    7 months ago

    THoney I refuse to believe da Chi is that bad. LOL
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  • Nixx_01

    7 months ago

    I lived in Chi and Im a dark skin woman... I had no problem find a man interested in me.
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    where were u goin!?!? i need to be there! oKAAAY!?!
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  • SassyScorpio

    7 months ago

    I feel bad for the sistahs in Atlanta...a lot of gay men or on the low brothers. I went for a couple of weeks and was so taken back. I would be scared to date there...
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Circa-81

    Yes in my post i did say if you claim to be a Christian and then live in a foul way on the regular then it's not right. By foul way that does not only include sexual immorality but since this article is about waiting or being immoral (according to the Word) then that's what i'll focus on. It may not BE for everyone. I'm sharing from a Godly point of view. I hate the word "religious". I don't follow man and what man has done to God's Word but God alone best i can. Yes i sin and yes i repent. I love God and i work to allow my actions to show, not easy but worth it.
    :)

    You can be a freak without doing it many times. And if you are not a freak then please don't marry a freak, bottom line. People need to be honest with themselves and seek counsel before marriage, sex before marriage or NOT. Some have sex before AND STILL end up stopping it when they get married, maybe it's human nature. Circa I commend your brother wow, so it is possible. There can be issues no matter which route you go but to me God's way is worth it, the best way.

    SassyScorp-

    I agree- there are good men out there. If you think there are not then that's all your reality will be. And yes sex can complicate things. If he can't wait then he aint the one. Trust. And if you wanna have sex and not wait, then hey go for it...free will folks. I pray all would wait.
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  • circa-81

    7 months ago

    Yeah, that's true if you are religious. And if you are going by the Book word for word then you may need to evaluate your own reasoning and views. There are too many contradictions in Christianity to list or for me to consider involving outdated practice's in my personal life here 3,000 years after it's creation. If you look at the history of that religion or the other 2 big religions in the world you would learn that those values, principles, and morals taught from God's book saved a few but oppressed, displaced, and murdered millions of people. So how can you really say that involve the Bible and you'll be safe. If you look over at the middle east from today to over 5,000 years ago most people were not safe because of these religions.....or are you being biased because of your beliefs??
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  • 404

    7 months ago

    change from circa-81 to knowledge. I'm lovin your thought process. Jus FYI..
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  • BUT

    7 months ago

    I really do hate this subject just because it is so ignorant to speak about how you couldn't wait....AIDS AND STDS HAVE BECOME AN EPIDEMIC BECAUSE OF THE VIEWS THAT ALL OF YOU SHARE. When God said to wait for marriage and have only one sexuallly partner....he did this out of love...he knew as the creator of what would happen if we didn't ie the rampant spread of diseases....PLEASE BE SMARTER FOR OUR CHILDREN! SO many people are dying from STD'S that were not given to them by their soulmates....(meaning that they would not have caught one had they just waited.) This is more than a question of your devotion to your religion...it shows that you are blind to what is killing our community SAD!
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  • Nixx_01

    7 months ago

    Being married does not exclude you from STDs. There are plenty of faithful married women that contracted STDs from their unfaithful husbands/partners. Marriage is not a condom. It is important for every woman regardless of their relationship status to get an STD test at least once a year and if you change partners often after each partner. That is what is killing our community people not engaging unsafe sexual behavior. Marriage si not the savior to our problems.
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  • VIChick

    7 months ago

    I agree with Nixx, just because your married it doesn't exclude you from STD's. One of my friends got an STD from her "faithful" husband. The key is married or not to be a smart person. "Wrap it up" is often used, but some folks just don't think that it applies to them. If your having intercourse be smart about it, take the precautions that you need to protect yourself. And you should be cool.
    But that is just my opinion, I can't speak for anyone else.
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  • circa-81

    7 months ago

    @ Sugar Tits

    Hell no. You should know that. That situation went down in one big burning fireball. Kaboom!! I tried to abstain from sex for 30 days. I would've been better off abstaining from breating. LOL I made it a whole 3 days.
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  • 404

    7 months ago

    LMAO.........gotdam.3 days folk???? SMH
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  • BUT

    7 months ago

    AND THE FACT THAT YALL ARE SPEAKING OF WOMEN AS IF THEY ARE CARS REALLY IS DISHEARTNING....I MEAN WHAT KIND OF MAN REALLLY WANTS HIS WOMAN TO BE USED UP....THATS NASTY AND THE SAME GOES FOR MEN!!! IDK BUT THAT AINT MY KIND OF PARTY AND I FOR DAMN SURE AINT GOING TO LET SOCEITY MAKE MY CHILD FEEL AS THOUGH SHE NEEDS TO BE "EXPIRIENCED"
    WHAT KIND OF FOOLISHNESS IS THIS. THIS IS WHY THERE ARE SO MANY KIDS RUNNING ROUND NOW HAVING BABIES AND GETTING ABORTION AFTER ABORTION....A DAMN SHAME!!!
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    Its not about a woman being a car it's just an analogy. It's an open debate. The whole point of the matter is that waiting is a thing of the past and you have to know what you're getting into when you make that decision and be willing to live with it.

    My whole point is that this stuff is being done. I firmly believe that people should take precautions and really get to know each other but some people are just in it for sex. Who am I to tell them what they want to do? All I can tell them to do is to use protection.

    Someone can lie to you, and gas your head up to get it. Other can make YOU wait and be giving it to someone else on the side and you never know. And I don't want a virgin, I want a woman who knows a thing or two but thats just me. It's a cause of the times.

    Do you think it can be changed if so how?
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  • BUT

    7 months ago

    ^EXPERIENCE
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Circa-81

    There is no bias. Only faith. People get hurt in life in many areas, the religious and the non. And again i don't call myself religious, it's a nasty word and there is flaw in that. I am a believer and I obey best i can. God is blessing me. I don't base my today on the past. Yes man has messed up religion to an extent but the Word is still true, God does not lie and that's what i go by not what the followers of the the past have done to marr it. He gave us freedom so some folks mess it up. But non Christians mess things up too. Thus is life. People jack things up in all ways: religion, sex, relationships, family, trust, food, jobs, etc. The nature of life and humanity, to be expected, no surprise, moving on. No argument or debate there.
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    Even the bible changed it's message, at first you couldn't eat certain food at certain times and then things changed... it adapts. I mean I am all for religion but the bible also tells us to cut our penis off and tear out our eyes if we sin... and if someone came down here talking about they were jesus we wouldn't believe them.

    I believe God has adapted to the times, God knew this would be when he first made the earth. Did he not?
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  • BUT

    7 months ago

    LOL NOW YOU KNOW AFTER GOD SACRIFICED HIS ONLY SON FOR OUR SINS THAT HE ISN'T GOING TO ADAPT TO ANYTHING THAT WE DO....HE IS JUST GOING TO OPEN THE WALLS OF HELL AND LET US BURN.
    THANKS FOR THE LAUGH...I WISH HE WOULD!
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    BUT, the bible has adapted many many many times. i am obsessed with religion and politics...the two big no no's xilla is right.... if God is the creator and knower of all that is, he knew i'd be a freak when he gave me a light 3day redzone! THE END! u aren't going to burn in hell if u hump!
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  • BUT

    7 months ago

    AND I AM NOT SAYING THAT----ALL SINS COMBINED IS WHAT I AM SAYING BUT IT IS WRONG IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING THAT U SHOULDN'T DO BUT STILL DO IT.
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    There is a passage in romans that says

    14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it

    Basically this is why God forgives us because he knows in our heart that we are pure despite the sins we commit.
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    Yea, i'll give you all that and maybe adapt was the wrong word, are you saying that the great GOD did not know that the world would be this way today? Honestly?

    I mean doesn't God love us despite our sins and doesn't the good book say that we will all be sinners? I mean sin is apart of life show me a person without a single sin and then that person can judge me and everyone else for that matter.
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  • BUT

    7 months ago

    I am not passing judgements....and yes i feel that god knew what we would do... that is where the word comes from...he knew the temptations that we would have and told us what he wanted us to do...i am not damming anyone to hell by any means!!! just talking bout the possible consequences of our actions....knowing what we were going to do is the reason for the creation of hell right? IDK
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    BUTT-

    STD's and unwanted pregnancies even without religious reasons should help people to wait but humans are mindless at times. I also agree, yes God said wait out of love. I feel grief for our children coming up. Now the standard is having many sexual partners is right? Wow how sad. Cuz what if you don't then you won't be good and your man might leave? BOOOOOOOY STOP! No faith. Hell these days i meet met that want to have sex before even becoming my man....are you serious? Don't let the back door hit you on the way out patna. Garbage. I am happy going on sex-less dates and having my many friends until the right time, it's all good. Don't have all your worth wrapped up in sex or a man or a woman anyway.

    And yes some wait and still get STD's and it's sad (cuz no matter what some people just evil, greedy, and don't communicate) but come on now the chances are much more slim when you are faithfully marriage and have a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse. Men and Women need to work on that aspect together hello. Make sure you explore who you marry and constantly be open and work it out (wait or not)! People just are selfish and give up easy and that's why people cheat or don't wait in both areas.
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    u betta SAY DAT circa! go head DEN! if ya WANNA! aight!?!?!?! i'm no devil worshippin ho but i can't put all my marbles in a basket that cast down gays because the king was gettin dingaling...i'm not hatin i'm just sayin' ;P
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  • VIChick

    7 months ago

    I can understand her decision to wait until she finds the right man, but what if she finds the "right man" and their not sexually compatible? That is the issue. Many people can say that there is more to a relationship than sex but lets face it, its a major part. Like Xilla said " I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first". I need to know what I am getting into before I make that big step. Love is a beautiful thing, but if your interests aren't the same then you might have a slight issue in the marriage.
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  • circa-81

    7 months ago

    @ But

    No there are so many kids running around because of people being irresponsible sexually. And there are just as many ugly products that came from Christianity too not just sex. And bein gan adult is about establishing experience in life which sex is big part of life since it's the tool we use to reproduce. Basing your life on faith and nothing but faith can be considered one of the most foolish things one can waste putting energy and time into.
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  • BUT

    7 months ago

    I AM NOT A RELIGION FREAK....I JUST GET EMOTION BECAUSE STD'S DON'T EVEN HAVE TO EXSIST AND YOU SAY THAT EXPERIMENTING IS FOR GROWN FOLK RIGHT? BUT WE SET THE EXAMPLE FOR OUR CHILDREN DO WE NOT?
    AND WE NEED TO REPORODUCE RESPONSIBALLY RIGHT? NOT LIKE RABBITS OR FLIES CUZ FLIES HAVE THOUSANDS OF BABIES AT A TIME BUT THEY ONLY LIVE FOR TWO DAYS...THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR SOCEITY. WE ARE REPRODUCING WITH ANYBODY WE FIND ATTRACTIVE AND OUR CHILDREN ARE NOT GROWING UP IN A PRODUCTIVE ENVIRONMENT BECAUSE OF IT....JUST MY OPN
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Xilla,
    You can't be serious. There is no adapting to times- why?...cuz it's not written! People that say that just want to do what they do and have what they have. And yes it's understood because i want to as well, do what i want to do that is. There is logic in waiting bottom line. And i'm not saying i don't struggle with my decesion and following the Word in obstaining but i do it with faith. I have messed up but my sexual life is about being pure. I consiously am abstinent. Not an after thought or a maybe or an oops. There are others that are too and they will also benefit...maybe not in the microwave aged mind of NOW but trust they will.

    There are speed limits for a reason, drinking laws (while driving) for a reason, sexual purity for a reason, bottom line and i can go on. I mean if there was some adaption Xilla who is THE LAW on how far it can go? What have sex but with only one person? No better yet the rule is 3 a year? Or no it's okay to be a stipper as long as you only dance for unmarried tricks? The world has gone so far and gotten so dirty who knows what the limit would be if we left sexual history and allowance from the Bible days until now up to our mind's own adaption. That's part of the problem now. Everyone has their own limits so there is no way to say whose is best if you choose that way of thinking. With the Bible saying meat can now be eaten when it once was not allowed is a different situation. It is not like sex, be real. And again if there was an adaption to me made then it would have been written. God is no dummy. He did know what would happen to the world and He still expects us even as imperfect humans to listen to Him. It don't have to be easy to be so. You say you are a follower then test your life and see if it's really true i say.
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    It's not only about God but also common sense. Look at the world today people. Random (no married) sexual behavior has done more damage than non sexual behavior. Fact.

    Yes if God "adapted" it may be nice to an extent (shoot at times i sholl wished it was different when i felt hot in the pants!) but He didn't. Oh well. He didn't for a reason in this area. Don't listen to the world. Again not easy but the alternative is much worse. God is worth it! He aint tryna be mean, it's all love. Good things CAN come to those who wait (in this area for sure!). Open your mind and believe.
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  • circa-81

    7 months ago

    @ Mimi

    And what do you base that on? That is the most outrageous comment I ever heard. And I'm not surprised that the source goes back to someone's who mentality is based upon spreading a message from an ancient source. It's wierd that we are on the same blog because as I look into the the world recently and historically it seems to me that religion was the biggest travesty to ever occur on this planet. There is no epidemic that has ever occurred that has done and contiue's to wreak havoc on mankind. The bad part is that there is truth there but it is tainted and you know what something that is polluted does to a person? It poisons you. I was actually a strong advocate for religion in one part of my life but maturely I was able to come to the conclusion that a majority of it isn't needed here anymore.
    Sex:. created by God Marriage: Created by priest. "Do some real research."
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  • Nixx_01

    7 months ago

    tell it Circa!
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    circa! GO HEAD! i can't get enough of u... MiMi sooooo when the boy killed himsleve live, that was a non sexual act. be foreal. blankedtstatements are silly. this bible and religion shift to the discussion is shocking to my but i'm loving every minute. i can't imagine my life without blogxilla! lawdhamercy! this is WILD! one thing I will say it to each his and her own. i know i'm going to the positive places and God willing i'll go out humping! AMEN!
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  • BUT

    7 months ago

    i feel that this is just an excuse to do what you are not strong enough to resist....IT TAKES STRENGHT TO GO AGAINST THE GRAIN...WHICH YOU WOMEN SEEM TO LACK ...WHETHER RELIGION IS FLAWED OR NOT. STOP AND JUST LOOK AT THE WORLD....TAKE A GOOD LOOK AND TELL ME IF WE ARE LIVING RIGHT?!
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    I thought this was a relpy to me when i got it in my email!! lol I was about to... whew!! lol
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    iu look anything like that barbie, i suggest u stay where u are. low-key the only way u can get a decent guy as a darka sista is to pay it, or be well connected and willing to deal with whatever. perioud! look at michelle ol'bama lol!
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  • Nixx_01

    7 months ago

    The role of marriage has adapted in our society over the centuries. Marriage initially was solely a business deal for fathers to enhance their financial portfolios. Religion was used to control the behavior of women yet to be wed. Just within the last 200 years has it evolved to consider the desires of women but still needed the approval of father to forward. Marriage is a business deal that is now based on the desire of two people romantically. what has happened is that people have stopped being honest with each other and upfront about their intentions with other people.
    Religion is not the end all be all of what should and should not happen. The message of the bible has evolved and adapted otherwise there would still be sanctioned stoning. God blessed us all with an ability to reason and use our judgment. Yes there are diseases in this world but how dare some people attribute the spread of diseases totally to people who choose to express themselves sexually in their relationship before marriage. I have stated my earlier opinion and I stand by it... about religion its is about her decision to wait and Xilla's perspective (it is HIS blog). You can agree to disagree but lets be real ain't no one hear to change anyone's mind so let's agree to disagree.
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Circa 81-
    Religion has hurt people. Sex has hurt people. Lies have hurt people. Politics have hurt people. All things that have at one point hurt a person are not bad TODAY. If you follow God instead of man then you would not have a problem with it. If a man destroyed religion that's the problem, the man who got it wrong not the God who created the inspiration of the Bible. And religion is man made, obeying God is NOT. You have missed that point. I follow God NOT the man or the church. And sexual absitence is of God NOT the priest. Read the Bible, new testament, The gospel, Corinthians, Galations. Take your own advice, do some real research.
    If you don't want to follow the Word because you don't want to follow then fine, it's up to you. I put it out there to speak the truth that's it and you say you don't believe anyway due to the many "flaws" so why even argue? There are flaws in many things, but we keep living and make choices. Follow based on the Word of God not emotion or a preacher (even though those things CAN be an aid to your follow). I find people that go back to the history of hurt and pain of the wrongs of old time Christianity just don't want to follow the Word and use it as an excuse and hey that's up to them. Yes i base this SEXUAL decesion off of God because hello He created me. But i also base things off of commons sense honey, look at the world, simple. I don't care how wrong you think it is, I see the reality. Just as you probably don't care and that's your pill to swallow OR grave to dig. Right?
    So as for you...continue as you are, you think it's all good...and i hope it is.
    Hugs and Kisses yall...i'm out!
    :)
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  • circa-81

    7 months ago

    @ Thoney Gangstasweet

    A majority of all the women I have dated have been beautiful dark skin women including the mother of my child. You just need to come down here to D.C.
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    lol get her circa!! I think she's just not finding the right dudes. Maybe the dudes that she's attracte too don't like her type. Not taking anything away from her b/c it happens all the time.
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    i wish that were the case blog.....i'm attracted to nice, taller than me, and black. thing is here ur "doing it way smedium" if u can put on a button down and have a whitegirl or lightbrite on ur arm.... if ur my color or darker ur immediately cast aside as not worthy of the trophy status or the date. the majority of my male friends are going broke and dealing with cheating and bs because of the litebrite on the team...my place is to sit there and listen, roll the b, and not care about how i'm not datable despite being thick and pretty, and on my own. i don't get it....meanwhile for whatever reaso whitemen can't get enough of me and will kill themselves to get 5mins of my time....i'm just not as attracted to them physically which sucks. plus i'm obsessed with havin dark kids lol and being mixed that ain a likli option with whitey.... lol i'm too colorstruck! ARG!
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    i'm on my way! u know on blog's friends radio show i mentioned that... i'm not even that dark[no i don't hate my brown like most that say that crazy statment ARG] i'm sanaa lathan's color to give u an idea, and that's not gna cut it here. i can't stand how shallow the men are. in DC i was at what is it Pure? had drinks bought/nice convo u name it...the men were respectable and cool....ask me the last time i had a black man in chicago buy me a drank and i'll show u how some backshack cottonfield lovin for reference! i mean its been THAT long and thassa shame! i am seriously looking into relocating because i can't take another minute of it. i'm a bit outspoken and silly, but definitely lovable and if biotches here dont' see that, its time ta MOVE! lol
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Not with the popular vote or opinion of today's society of even well thought out philosophies. Keep all that. That junk will mess you up. The whole world can disagree with me for all i care. My standard is higher and not of the earth honey, yet i still have fun on this earth and live a FULL life, love it! What's true is true, stick with that. You don't have to change your opinion or start closing your legs if you do not choose to BUT if one is asked their opinion also then they will be given as has been on this blog today. Just sharing as allowed and needed. Have faith AND Again IF YOU SAY you follow God but knowing living foul, check yourself...all of us.
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    See this is the perfect comment right here! We as adults can agree to disagree. I certainly think you've taking the higher road and dared to be different and to think about it most times different is right.

    I couldn't do it though. I couldn't be with a virgin only to find out she only likes it from one position or doesn't want to give head. Those are things I need in my life.
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  • Mina

    7 months ago

    First I want to say that I commend her for her decision.
    It seems like being a virgin is a bad thing nowadays.
    I'm 18 years old, and I was the last remaining virgin out of all my friends. I used to be ridiculed because I wasn't having sex. But ultimately it made me better, because I value myself more.

    My brother is 20. He aint having sex. He doesn't even have a girlfriend, but people like to call him gay. Because he doesn't have sex? Wow.

    I really think waiting until marriage is a good idea and isn't impossible, but it would be very hard to do, especially with having a man to remain exclusive to only one person, without getting anything in return. I believe that without having sex and not putting that much emphasis on it, just emphasizes it more when the actual act happens. You're waiting a long time, so you have high expectations for when the time comes. And if you two are married, and the sex sucks, thats just going to be hard to overcome. Don't forget that marriage is holy matrimony, a contract before the Lord for two people to be together through all things positive and negative.


    Me personally, I would prefer to have sex before marriage. If the sex is halfway decent, then we would be able to work through it and have time to fix it as the relationship goes on. But having sex after marriage, you're just diving headfirst into an unknown situation, and you don't have that ability to just drop that person if the sex is wack. You have to stay with them regardless. Marriage, honestly, it really isn't that serious for me, I'm not going to wait around, like I'm in a fairy tale waiting for my Prince Charming to appear out of nowhere and "rescue me." I can handle my own.
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Xilla-
    You have made your choice and that's cool. I respect it. I respect all choices. I also respect how you didn't argue, were not demeaning or anyone else's belief/truth and were respectful yourself, LOL! I did get a lil fiery, but it's all cool, yall do as you do just sharing from my heart and from sweet baby Jesus.
    :)

    p.s. all virgins are not uptight though, gosh! that's why you gotta know your partner yall. some virgins can be FREAAAAAAAAKS (give head, different positions, toys, etc. all that)! believe that.

    MUAH!!!
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  • BlogXilla

    7 months ago

    I don't believe they are uptight, but I tried and wanted to try a lot of things and I aint like all the things i wanted to try.... what if my partner loved those things? Then what? We're married and she gets half of everything if we get divorced!! lol

    like i said her reward is great if she finds it...
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    its not my goal to be degrading etc, but know this if you know nothing else. your truth, is just that. YOUR TRUTH. since you don't accept FACTS surrounding the bible stay in that place. don't say someone's wrong etc because they've expresseded their belief. the blble changing overtime is a FACT and any preacher will tell you its been flipped more times than a hooka and bricks. look it up. i'm so knowledgeable because a good friend got her degree from Moody Bible here in chi. we'd go hard re: religion and the fallacies surrounding it. don't believe? is ur conviction that blinding? check the records....its all there in plain black and white.

    virgins are upTIGHT litterally. they are closed up and solidified! lol YICK!
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Mina sounds mature. You have choices that you made, cool then.
    Thoney Gang- i have NO idea how the boy who killed himself has to do with sex or non sex or anything that i said earlier but okaaaaaaaaaaaay. LOL! However i do pray for him and his family. And religion was brought in becaues sex was brought in and its a discussion and a blog, anything is bound to happen homies!

    Have a good day yall almost time to jet to the gym! I know i'm saying bye again. I like discussions like this and it's been a loooooooong time since i induldged but this one was important to me. So now i am tearing myself away. Adu.(spelling on that....? LOL!)
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    you made a blanket statement about bad things coming from sexual behaviour. well i can name that and a few more bad things that didn't stem from premarital sex lol.... just keeping it totaly really supa real
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  • Mimi

    7 months ago

    Thoney Gang-

    Uhhhh okay. I never said that ALL bad things come from sex. That was never my point in this. Come on now stop being silly! LOL! We hopefully all know that "bad" things come from all types of things in this world, even those that were at 1st intended for good (sex, drugs, love, anger, games, careers, music...no need to go on). No argument there honey!

    Furthermore just cuz you NOT having sex don't mean you are perfect or living right in other areas. Just sayin'. Oooh weee...gotta run.
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  • thacomputa

    7 months ago

    Thoney Ganstasweet, where you hang out?
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    i hang everywhere from hood spots to uber bougoise political engagements. 2nite however i went to Reynold's on 75th and was a rock star in the chi. the brothas were a nice mix of doboy and classy and i got madd attention. there was also an over abundance of brown skinned sistas there. i'm assuming the word got out and theyk now that the guys there are willing to look at all women =ally.... lmao! it was crazy! prior to going here i went to Mloung in the south loop and my date[who's from chi] couldn't believe how all the brown sistas no matter how fly were just left sitting there while brothas were going out of their way to entertain the light andd white girls... he said "i never noticed this but i asked two of my homegirls and they both said the same thing u did. i mean its crazy i just never knew. i like dark sistas..." things that make ya go mmmm...
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  • Ant_from_Chi

    7 months ago

    That's why I took you to the South side where dark skinned woman get plenty of attention. I talked to a few of my female friends here in Chicago and a few of them agreed that it seemed like cats here were colour struck. I never moticed it before and I still don't believe it. I just thought it was important for Thoney to see the brothers and sisters in our element doing our thang. M lounge was cool, but like I told you when we were there. I can only hang in an environment like this for a short time. Now that I look back on last night at M lounge, most of the women in there were kinda light except for that chick with the white dude sitting next to us and you. And like I said last night, you ain't that dark. I can take you to some other spots where you would enjoy yourself and also have a pretty good chance to get a date. It won't be downtown or on the northside though. It's gone be on the southside.

    As for this post, Xilla you always know how to get a conversation started. For me, it's a moot point because I don't plan to get married so if I run in to a woman and this is the conversation, then we can be friends. There would be no need for me to pursue her because we don't want the same things. That's the key though isn't it. If you're going to impose these types of sanctions on someone, please find someone who wants something similiar. It's not right to make someone wait and that's not what they're into. SOmethings bound to happen. Sorry for getting in on this so late. I been jet lagging.

    @Circa. Nice points.
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  • Thoney Gangstasweet

    7 months ago

    lol @ i ain that dark....i think i have a warped sense of my color since my family is sooooo light. let me tellit i'm chocolate. WHATEVA! duly note, i totally would have been that girl sitting next to us. the white guy was totally into her, buying drinks, being a gentleman. her ass was GONE! i likedta DIED when she got ta drunk talkin us to death. WOWEE!!!!

    i hate that certain places have to be lights and whites only. i step into certain spots and serious feel like they have those throwback whites/lights only signs up. Mloung is a great intimate place to hear live jazz and get a cocktail. i refuse to adhere to our fugged up rules! i'm such a rebel! OW! i agree with ur last part....trying to force someone into celebacy ain' neva ok! serioulsy. u'll always end up hurt and wishing u didn't do it. for real. its best to loop up with someone that shares ur same kinda freakm crazy, beliefs whateva!
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  • Art2dope

    7 months ago

    first thing is first... there is not ONE PERSON ON THIS EARTH THAT IS PERFECT FOR SOMEONE... there is only one person who is able to tolerate your shit. Now, sex isn't a weapon, but its surely a strategy of war lol Getting married with a virgin or woman less experienced isn't that bad, i mean if anything sex is a big piece of a relationship, but there is also trust, compromise, love, cause if you just want sex you can get just fuk buddy for that...
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  • Ness

    7 months ago

    LOL...I like that "there is not ONE PERSON ON THIS EARTH THAT IS PERFECT FOR SOMEONE... there is only one person who is able to tolerate your shit."

    Damn tht's the TRUTH!!! ;)
    I wonder if there's someone out there who will tolerate my sh*t and I tolerate theirs? lol.
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  • HeadMistress

    7 months ago

    Speaking as a "willful" sinner, I totally understand and agree, although I'm not living it, with where Mimi is coming from...

    Faith/spirituality and religion are two different things, forget religion and what man says and focus on what God says his basic principles still apply, no matter what like it or not...

    No one can predict how things "would have been" had everyone from the beginning of time waited until marraige but let's think in the simplest of terms...

    had we all (men & women) waited, who of us would have herpes or AIDS or other STD's? you're a virgin afterall where would you have gotten it from?

    yeah there are other ways to get AIDS: drug addiction (but God also warns against defilement of the flesh) back in the day you could get it from Blood Transfusions (but God also said to abstain from blood) children are born with it, why, because at least one of their parents fornicated, abused drugs or indulged in some other forbidden activity...sins of the father are visited upon the children...

    Again, I am not the least bit religious, had it crammed down my throat all my life and No Effin Thank You to that, Christianity or otherwise, but let's not be foolish enough to think that going against God's Word "in its true form untainted by man" is ok and without consequence just cause it's what we want to do

    I fuck, I like fuckin and I'm gonna keep on fuckin for the foreseeable future but I also know I ain't on the best grounds with God for that...brazen, willful, not smart but I ain't foolin myself either

    There's also shit to worry about that you wouldn't have to otherwise...

    After the two virgins get married and are figuring out how to be each others personal freaks and their shit is clean and they can hit it raw and he's splashing off in her face, all over her titties, she's swallowin etc :-) the rest of us gotta have it wrapped in latex laced with non-oxyl 9, AFTER, we sit down at the clinic biting our nails, prayin to the same God we gave our ass to kiss in the first place, for those test results to come back negative

    all I'm sayin is let's be careful about dismissing the wisdom of our Creator, whoever he may be to us individually

    I commented similarly on the post about Prop 8, while we're sitting around arguing for our right to do whats wrong there are other people into some real debased shit who are arguing for acceptance for what they feel they have the right too do as well...shit that involves our kids!!!

    Fornicate to your hearts content if that's what you want to do but let's not kid ourselves...
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  • Ant_from_Chi

    7 months ago

    Bravo HeadMistress
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  • HeadMistress

    7 months ago

    ;-) don't start wit me Ant, you know you can get it
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  • Ant_from_Chi

    7 months ago

    I ain't starting nuttin wit you sista, and what is it that I can get? By the way, your comments were very on point.
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  • HeadMistress

    7 months ago

    Aww c'mon, you know,"It"... j/k :-), you're no stranger to the "on point" comment yourself
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  • Ant_from_Chi

    6 months ago

    Yeah I know what "It" is. I just wanted to hear you say it. lol I like dirty talk. If you're in the Chicago area, I'm having a party tonight. It's gone be live.
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  • HeadMistress

    6 months ago

    See! there you go again, startin wit me, you know you can get it....

    gon' f*ck aroun' in this bad economy and make me sell somethin tryna get a last minute airline ticket to Chi...LOL!!!!

    Have fun, just save me some ;-)
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  • Ant_from_Chi

    6 months ago

    The party was great. Where are you at? Are you also in the Atl? I saved some just for you ;}
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  • HeadMistress

    6 months ago

    Sorry I missed it! I'm in NY
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  • BlogXilla

    6 months ago

    so you like the ny BlogXilla in NY header?
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  • HeadMistress

    6 months ago

    YEEEEESSSSS!!!! That shyt is HAWT!!!!!
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  • Sunshine08

    7 months ago

    Hello,

    As I sat and read this article, my initial response was 'WOW! Blogxilla actually wrote an email responding to my issue" But when I read the whole article I was disappointed. This is no disrespect to you blogxilla, these are your own thoughts. But here is my rebuttal and my thoughts on this....

    It takes a REAL man to know what he wants out of life and know that he wants a self respecting woman that waited for him. He has to understand his own worth before he understands why someone appreciated him so much to even wait for him and to give him that special gift. Staying a virgin has allowed me to 'weed' out the weaker men. In today's society we live as a double standard. In his blog, blogxilla referred to having sex as an analogy of test driving a car. But Blogxilla (and his readers) I ask, in a scenario of purchasing a car, if you are were able, wouldn't you like to purchase a new car with no miles on it? Or would u settle for a car with 100,000 miles on it and it has seen all of Florida? With this brand new car, you would be able to mold it on how u see fit, add custom rims here, a spoiler there, and hell maybe a booming sound system. With the used car, however, you have to first accept it in its condition you bought it and strip it from all of the unnecessary accessories it came with, and even the baggage in the trunk the previous owner left. But as a potential buyer for a new vehicle (or used) you have to know what you deserve or what you are willing to settle for. Now this is not cast judgment on anyone. But hey, who is to say that the used car may not have all of the accessories you were looking for? That might be the vehicle just for YOU!.

    I know personally that if it is in God's will, my king will find me and we will sit on our throne and one. But until then, I will have to wait patiently for that time to come. I know that there is someone for everyone and I have faith that my waiting will not be in vain.

    If I have lost you in any way, shape or form forgive me, but i took the whole car analogy and ran with it.

    I love the discussions on here by the way!! Sorry for responding so damn late...
    Sunshine08
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  • MizB926

    7 months ago

    I love your response and commend you for it. I love Xilla but his car analogy bugged me a bit too...I like how you flipped it. I wish you all the best of luck and hope that this works out for you. May God bless you and keep you, stay strong!
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  • Ness

    7 months ago

    See...I didn't know u was still a virgin! I thought u already had sex and decided to stop having it and wait until marriage.

    Tht changes a lot of things b/c I feel that if u never experienced the art of love making then you have nothing to compare it to and I think tht's everyone's feelings on experiencing sex and then taking it away until ur married.

    Your king might be lame in bed to the woman before you, but to you he might be the best thing since sliced bread. And I believe that a man can appreciate a woman who is untouched and he'll be able to mold her and work w/ her sexually if she's not up to his standards [sexually] (just as long as she's not an ouch girl 90% of the time)..lol

    I wish u the best of luck! :)
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  • MizB926

    7 months ago

    Okay, I didn't read all the comments, but I gotta speak a lil on this. I made a commitment that I would wait until marriage when I was young in middle school. I wanted the man I married to be the only one who had been in me and all this. To me that was something special. But, along the way somewhere....something happened. I couldn't even tell you what. Because now I am in this casual friendship with this guy. He is the only one that I have done anything sexual with besides a forced hand job from a guy i dated for six months. But, with the guy I am with now...I wanted him...plain and simple. He returned it, whether I was or am just easy or whatever for him...he is still there. At the age of 23, he was my first BJ and he actually came back for more... But, I liked giving him pleasure and learned quickly what to do to make him happy and low and behold...I love giving him head. Now this friendship is also long distance, and I was 24 when I had sex with him. He didn't find out til after... And, we have only done it the one time though we are still cool. The one thing I don't like about it is that while I like giving him head and all that...can I get a little something in return?

    Anyway, the point is this. If you truly want to wait until marriage to have sex, then that is great, by all means follow your heart on this matter. But, it will be hard to find a man willing to wait, though it is possible. In today's world there is always someone who will be willing to do what you won't or can't do or will just take your man for the fact that they can. You shouldn't give it up just because of that though, you should give it up because he is a man that is worth your time, energy, and more importantly your love. I may not have waited for the perfect whatever you want to say (though I am perfectly happy with what I decided and have no regrets)...but it was truly a guy that I wanted to be with and I fully understood and still understand that I may not get that call back one day.

    I guess I really just want to say that if you want to wait, do it. But, don't be so caught up in it that you don't live life and experience what is right in front of you one day. And, if you do decide to experiment and experience don't beat yourself up over it. There is nothing wrong with being sexual but you need to be careful whatever you do. Also, please do realize that while you waited that the guy probably will not have. A lot of men face sexual pressure at a younger age then women. Hopefully that won't bother you either because even when I was waiting I wanted an experienced man because when I did give it up I wanted a man who knew what to do with it and would not be afraid to show me. Regardless of what you decide and what you end up doing...be informed and know why it is that you are doing it and do it for you, for the right reasons.
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  • chastity

    7 months ago

    I'm waiting for marriage so I applaud this woman. I find it funny that people act like once your married..that's it..the buck stops there. When that's really not the case. What I mean is..just cuz you start out not compatible, doesn't mean that you can't teach each other how to please, or love each other enough to make the other happy. You have a lifetime together, so you have all the time in the world to perfect your sex life. So to put so much emphasis on sexual compatibility is like...uum ok, are you going somewhere? are you unwilling to learn how to please me cuz you want your sex to be good right now?...if that's the case then I as a person, and other things involved in a marriage just don't matter as much to you. And that's scary. I mean sex is highly important, but lack of experience in sex shouldn't be a deal breaker or a reason not to wait, if your willing to learn to please your man. I mean why would that woman's future husband be upset that she wasn't a freak at first...SHE'S WILLING TO BE...she just needs to be taught how to please him. And that journey of learning how to please, is so much fun and best when your with someone that loves you no matter what. It actually gives you freedom. That journey of learning how to do it just right for your mate, the journey of becoming someone's personal tailor made lover/freak...it's just beautiful to do that with someone who has committed to being with you for the rest of your life. People are not cars,...people can learn. And buying a car isn't even comparable to being in a life long marriage with someone. BTW, it really isn't that much of a risk at all...as important as sex is in a marriage...a sex life should be talked about during an engagement, what's expected, what's not expected...what's completely off limits and what your willing to bend on, where you'd like to go sexually with the other etc. From that conversation alone, you could learn that a person isn't compatible, but they may be willing to learn, or you could find out that the person is on the exact same page as you...or you could find out you aren't compatible with them and that they aren't willing to learn...and that's also when you can address why...and if it turns out to be a huge issue...hey you talked about it and broke it off before it became permanent.....so the risk ain't there if you have communication.
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  • chastity

    7 months ago

    oh..ps
    i didn't read alot of the comments
    so if i repeated anything i apologize
    I was just speakin from my heart and mind
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  • Vhision

    7 months ago

    This blog is amazing. I cannot believe all the comments and how everyone has so many different opinions about it. Lets be honest, Christian, Heathen or whathaveu - sex is sex. And if you had to have it forever with one person for the rest of your life wouldn't you want the person to be experienced? I'm not saying this girl should sow her oats - there are many tasteful and responsible ways for gaining sexual experience. I don't believe Xilla implied anything crazy in his advice. But if her ideals include someday being a "freak" for this man. He can't teach her to be a freak when she's a virgin? She can't teach herself in a marriage? She just needs to re-evaluate the possible outcomes of her plan? If she really feels she has what it takes to keep a man on no sexual experience and without any sexual encounters with him, marry him and become his personal freak - without future regret, heartache or disdain for her decision - then she should keep on keepin on. But seriously, honey sugar pie - if you have any doubts - which you do if you're asking for advice - stay selective, find yourself some decent and respectful "lovers" - as though you aren't really deviating from the plan - then set back on your plan with some experience. Consider it an investment - because otherwise - not only will you probably never be satisfied hopping into a marriage - but you may feel later on you shortchanged yourself. - Vhe in Orlando
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  • M.Y.

    7 months ago

    I say to each their own. Waiting is so difficult in the kind of society we are in because sex is every where; its on your tv, its on your radio (those damn "increase your size commercials") and its on the subway and streets in advertisements. And lets face it, everyone is horny out of their damn minds..so whoever can hold out until marriage I say kudos to them because that shows their commitment and dedication. As for me, point blank, waiting was not an option cause I don't know when I'm going to get married and a sister needs what she needs lol it may work in other countries where the starting age for marriage is 15, 16 but here in America people aren't getting married that young or that often.
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  • 404

    7 months ago

    The more comments that I read it seems that people are using God as a cop-out. You fuck because you want to. You don't because you want to. Or you can't cause you aren't getting approached by the opposite to engage in such wonderful activities.

    If you choose not to sleep with someone until you are married.ok. But please do not involve God, Jahovah, Allah, Buddah, Rip Van Winkle, The mean ass troll under the bridge or anybody else in your decision making for YOUR body.

    Know who you are. And please believe that we are far more than some zombies walking around being guided by invisible strings of Geppetto, Jesus or the next being.

    Just keep it light.
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  • ...

    6 months ago

    I wouldnt say ppl are using God as a cop-out. Our beliefs are OURS. If we want to follow our beliefs then its our decision to make. Just like its your decision to sleep with womever you choose. Ppl tend to forget that God gives us free will. Free will to make whatever choice we want to make. No one is dogging you out for your choice so please dont disrespect us for having our own opinions.

    Last time I checked, Sex didnt make the world go round. It just happens to pay some of the bills. Sadly.
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  • Smile08

    7 months ago

    I for one agree with Sunshine 08. I myself am saving myself for marriage. As I read through the blogs I see that a lot of the responders are accustomed to living in this hellacious world! For the last comment that was posted by Sugar Tits (what a name) I cant seem to understand how you feel that "knowing who you are as a person" has nothing to do with God. People are not using God as a copout. If you are human, most of us have some spirituality in our life and we know right from wrong. Just fucking as you put it is wrong and I feel sorry for you because you dont value your worth and you dont understand that you were not made to be used as just a "fuck" But you know like you put it, do what you want to do, to each is own. I am upset with blogxilla because a couple of weeks ago you had a blog on why the "pussy is plummenting" For some reason I feel like you are contradicting yourself. You made it clear that a female should hold on to her good good and know the value of herself. Make it worth something, but now you feel as though we live in the "microwave age" and have to have everything now, why not sex? Giving yourself up so freely is why less and less women actually have a good good. I agree with Mimi for taking a Christian aspect on it. People today are so sucked up in what they think is right by the ways of the world. If you holy roly christians would read your bible you would know that the bible says do not conform to the ways of the world! DO NOT!! Pre-marital sex is something that has been excepted by man and this world. And for everyone who feels that experience is necessary for you to know who you are getting involved with, you just dont get it. Sex is meant for procreation not all the extra stuff that man/world has put on it. Based upon the bible you are not even suppose to know what he, she or the next is working with. You are not suppose to be able to compare your sexual experience with Marcus as being better then your sexual experience with Sean. I wish people open their eyes and pay attention that we are living in our last days and it is important to know who you are with God in your life. You better bet that all that is happening in the world today has been written in the book of life. For females learn your worth and stop bending for these sorry brothers! As Lauryn Hill says, "dont be a hard rock when you really are a gem, baby girl RESPECT is just a minimum!" Respect yourself and your body!! For my brothers, get it together. You are more then what is in your pants and what you think you can do in the bedroom. A woman will flock to you because you excude strength and confidence. Learn what it is that you deserve from a woman and not just her body but her spirit and her mind. Then you need to do like Sunshine 08 says and PUT A RING ON IT!!
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  • musichead

    7 months ago

    Mimi whats your email your great speaker I'M virging i need to ask some questions
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  • LUVBLOGXILLABLOG

    7 months ago

    Mimi Yeah do have a email or a blog I Agree with you totally 100% and i'm virgin I respect that I actually come on here Blogxilla and get some sex tips.
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  • 404

    7 months ago

    I'm over it and have moved on. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. This is a blog that has visitors with various views.

    Enjoy!
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  • Mzz.Sweetberry

    7 months ago

    Personally, I feel its her choice. I myself who is 24 yrs old is still waiting although me and my boyfriend have explored other things to keep our relationship some what sexual but, I am very curious as to what will happen after I do have sex with him. Due to the fact that I've not had any sexual experience I'm feel like I'll suck at it so that's why I hold back from it. its kinda hard to explain but, hopefully I'm making some kinda sense... He has been a great partner and meaning he doesn't pressure me but, I feel like I'm gonna have to have sex with him before he put a ring on it. that's just the truth like Xilla said who buys a car without test driving it? i do feel like I'm ready for a more sexually relationship, cuz oral sex can only go so far. lol
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  • HeadMistress

    7 months ago

    Wow, 100+ comments later and this is still just as interesting as the 1st one up....

    Times are a changing - and nothing wrong with it I'm just curious as to the thought process behind saving your virginity but engaging in oral or anal sex

    My mind set has always been the exact reverse, if you were going to "give" some and "save" some, oral and/or anal would go into the save category.....idk ???

    Not that just anybody can get the p*ssy, but in order of importance or "specialness" if you will:

    men (cause there have been a few) that make it to the "do-able" list get the "P"

    someone a lot more special will get f*cked & sucked

    as for anal that ain't even on the menu, I've yet to meet the man who would make me change my mind about that :-|

    for those guys that would appreciate a woman who saved her virginity, does it matter that she would admit "yes I saved IT for you but I have sucked a few and taken it in the ass" ???

    no judgments, just curious...
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  • Will E. Johson

    7 months ago

    I've been reading the comments and I haven't seen the male perspective in the same situation. I admit I too am planning to wait till marriage to have sex. Now don't get me wrong, I'm still human and I have been tempted several times. But I can gladly say for 26 I have been celibate for the last 3 years. Now I think that sex isn't important cause its a physical effect, its not something you necessary need and if its good, its based on feelings. You can receive most of the the sensations from sex from various activities and to my knowledge (and to my previous partner's knowledge) its way more amazing. Sexuality does not have to be based on the act of sex, its about knowing your partner well enough to find out what makes them tick. Unfortunately, for the male, it seems like he has no choice for being celibate or even a virgin for that matter. We have lost touch of the other two ways to connect with each other; through mind and spirit. I don't put anyone at fault and hope no one takes it to offense. I don't think there really is a difference in which is better nor worse. I think that at the end of the day if there is mutual love between the two (or how ever many you please) its fine.
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  • chastity

    6 months ago

    i most definitely agree

    it's good to have a male perspective on waiting til marriage..thanks for you post
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  • B says....

    6 months ago

    I know Im extra late and whatnot but I had to share my view as well.

    The problem with todays generation is that we are extrememly impatient. Its always right here right now or else. Whatever happened to standards? Whatever happened to raising the bar? Why cant we as people have more respect for ourselves and our bodies? Because we're greedy. We only think about the "now" rather than the future. And thats sad. Im still pure at age 22 and proud of it. After almost losing it in the 6th grade I promised myself and God that I would wait and Im glad to say that Im still going strong. My reasons for waiting are due to my beliefs and the promise I made 6 years ago. Also because my mother raised me to love and respect my body. I was raised to have high standards. Because of this, the man that i will eventually wed and bed will have respect for me and high standards as well.

    I also wanted to say that Im not "looking" for a virgin hubby because I know theres not that many still around. But I will say that whomever he is will be equally yoked with me. As far as times changing, its true. But just because the times are different it doesnt mean that we should respect ourselves any less. Laying down with random ppl is not whats up.


    Stop making excuses and find solutions ppl!!!!!
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  • just sayin

    6 months ago

    I can see where Mimi is coming from but as with many, I have a problem with religion. It is man made. The real issue should be spirituality and your relationship with God. That has nothing to do with religion. If through your actions, you think God will approve - then do you. But if you're honest with yourself and you can sense that having sex just to quench your physical needs is wrong, then maybe its a choice you need to reevaluate. Our bodies are sacred, our souls are sacred. We need to treat them as such. Kudos to this young lady who is abstaining. And to the men who can't understand, they are probably losing out on great person.
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  • Sexy N Sassy

    6 months ago

    I liked how you worded that story, it was very clear and concise.B/c some blogger are all over the place and go in circles and never get to the point.
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