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It's amazing to hear (read) men who are total strangers talk about their true feelings and be moved by them but then when it's a guy we know and want to be with, we doubt his intentions and don't trust...
I think as women we've all been with men who've spoken their feelings like Xilla, Bahamian305 & Art@dope have in this post and we dismiss them as being disingenuous, just trying to get over on us...
We've (men & women) become so jaded and suspicious that we block our own opportunities for real love...
I can totally relate to what the girl Xilla is talking about may be going through, looking at it from her pov " Who wants to be with a man with so many women wanting to experience him, or at least fascinating about experiencing him." that would torture me too, but simply being a reader of this blog daily and the experiences that Xilla talks about you (know ???) can conclude that he is a genuine guy...if I/we can see it, how can she not see it...this is not a judgment of her just pointing out how sometimes we can't see what's right in front of us
It's the same way I've probably let go of or never gave a chance to countless number of genuine men just because I refuse to believe there are good ones out there based on hurts I've suffered...
We, speaking for myself and other women like me, seriously need to get it together, shutting down the men who truly do care and want meaningful relationships is only increasing the pool of men who decide to just give the fuck up on love...what happens when my/our daughters grow up and there are no genuine men left because they can only reach our pu$$ies and not our hearts...
The guilty among us really need to get it together...
I really need to get it together...
i think i haven't let go and fallen all the way in love because i have this intense fear of what i just read ^. i don't want to lose control and have to think about someone all the time or be insecure, or hurt. the closest i came to real love was killed by the IDOCs and after i've built this intense wall.... sucks because i'm missing out on the opportunity to experience life with a partner and i'm learning now that the drugs, handbags, fancy parties, and wild sex, get old. FAST!
while u BUUUULLLshittin[in my best aunti NeNe voice] Xilla, you're gonna love. its in you as much as it isn't in me. you are a lover, not an empty humper. i get paid the lil' bucks to read people like the red eye and i'm never wrong.... what ur going through stinks, but it'll pass. you won't forget, but you'll love again because you're not satisfied with the bang'n'bounce. you couldn't write about sex as passionately as you do if that place was confortable...[yea i read u! u won't fight me! UUUH! ;P]
You must let urself experience it, with the right person (thats key), its wonderful to be in love, even when it ends and you have to go through that hurt, once you heal and look back its rare that you feel it wasn't worth it..
"it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"
It does SEEM to suck, that's why I gave up on it awhile ago, but understand giving up and blocking it also has its disadvantages...the desire to give and receive it NEVER goes away, like oxygen, food and water we need it, although we can survive physically without it, blocking it will cause you to die a little bit emotionally, and you'll miss it desperately when you see others around you that have it or seem to have it...you'll be protected but lonely, I'm not so sure protected is better.
it gets me tight cause i'm still friends with that girl, and she calls me once in a blue. (HYPED!) and you say some dumb shit, that inside you know it was not the right thing to say, and she act hard but then it really hurt her.
Sometimes i wish i could just reverse times, and make the wrongs right. And other times i think i'm either addicted, it may never work. But there are somethings i'm willing to give to just give it a try.
AND I JUST AIR"D ON A BLOG!
Love hurts, love sucks, but in due time love can feel good. But you are not suppose to quit on it. If you literally go "fuck love" and supress your feeling into cut buddies your life will be halfway fulfilled. You "fucking" your "cut friends" is just your own little way of recieving love. Thats your own way of getting affection the cop out way. The reason sex was even made was to recieve love with it. Now in modern times of course everyone doesnt live to those standards but truthful sex was made for you to make a love connection. Intimacy...so looking for intimacy w/o the love your going to be empty handed Xilla.
You going to be a 40 year man one day trying to get with young little tenderoni's, never been married, and having a bachelors mentality for the rest of your life if you keep on this way. Dont be like Kanye and sing depressing songs...or even feel as if the girl who is hurting you as "Heartless"...it hurts but there are millions of women in the world you havent met...and one day you will find someone who appreciates you for you...and not for your ***ahem*** sexual expertise.
Just some words of wisdom from a young woman who understands. You men have emotions too and just reading this Xilla you made my night. This was real deep but dont give up...Your a good guy!
Peace and Love, My Brother!!!
I was mad picky when it came to the ladies in my teenage years(one of very few.. LOL) But after breaking up with my ex of 5 years(broke up due to long distance) 4 years ago... I've been living and enjoying the bachelor's life and it bugs me to this day that I still have the same feelings for my ex(Who 2 this day Still has the keys 2 my heart..) as I do now.
I believe "Love" is like a double edged Sword and somewhere down the line we get ourselves "cut". Some Cuts are deeper than others... and it gets real messed up when we experience a life changing "cut" that alters our idea of what Love is...
I'm still enjoying the Single Life "doing" whoever, whenever, wherever I like with no emotions involved, but ironically, I too made the same promise (fucked up promise if u ask me) to my ex years ago that that I'd never let her go through life without me nearby 4 her support (vice versa) and I plan on carrying that promise.
To this day my ex and I still keep in touch either by online or text but since breaking up with the ex 4 years ago I haven't been lookin for Love since and I too feel that marriage isn't for me.... But I'm optimistic that one day my Cinderella(Dont sue Xilla LOL) will eventually come along....
Solid Post and Keep Up the good Work, Xilla
Your first paragraph is EXACTLY how I feel about "my guy" im not the type to hold my tongue..but for some reason im not the person I know when im with him, its scary because I dont recognize myself but at the same time its beautiful because only he can do this to me and I like that (strange).
What do you do when you want someone so fuckin bad that you cant express it!!?? Or when you want someone so badly and you know in your heart this feeling is nothing your ever gonna feel with anyone else but all they have for you is "like"(que in Pattti Labelle.."if only you knew")??
Oooh Xilla, ur in NY now arent you, lets go for a drink and throw ice at all the couples we see! ;-)
Thanks for your honesty, and posting this. Its nice to see a man open up like you did. And im sure other people reading this appreciates it as well.
i'm feeling pretty much the same right now... so i give up right along with you!
You have 2 remember that love is an emotion just like anger, happiness and disappointment. Those feelings only arise when triggered (which is usually by someone close or a situation dear 2 us). So there's no way 4 u to break up w/ the idea of love (EVER). The reason why I say this is b/c emotions come and go as they please with no regards to how it makes us feel. Ppl say tht we can't control our emotions, but I don't believe tht b/c it's all about how u channel it.
And it's not fair to say "Marriage just ain’t for me, y’all" b/c it's not like saying "college isn't for me". Although ppl control whtever decisions they decide 2 make, marriage is often connected to an emotion such as love, joy, and happiness. Not deciding to go to college is a decision that doesn't involve deep emotion like love or happiness (it's more circumstance).
So I Ness, challenge you Xilla to retract your resignation on the "IDEA" of love! You have 2 b patient. But more importantly you have to be able to recognize your soul mate and receive her w/ an open heart & mind. If you give up the idea of love then u ultimately will leave your soul mate (the one intended for L.V a.k.a Xilla) without knowing her true capability to love b/c she'll have to settle for somethng tht wasn't created and molded for her the way that u are.
btw, Xilla if I've never told you, you are brilliant.
necole
i really feel like love broke up with me when i was a child. as soon as my mother showed me i was less than for being dark and fat and only decent since i had "good hair"i kinda knew that love had played me to the str8 leff! lol this inevitably hardened me at a young young young age. i ran through niggas taking and taking and tossing and i still do....u aren't that hardened person... its sooo not in u!
ness, i will never get married. NEVER! it ain' for me, and the statement is exactly like saying college ain for me. i told my parents that, they forced me to go to school and it was a hot ass mess. i was doing all kindsa monkeydoodlefoolishness and was right. while there are emotions attached to marriage, the only thing it does is legally bind ur duckets to his coins. a paper won't keep his d-i- in his pants, nor will it keep u from bangin ur boss in the small conference room. ...
being a writer and a sexual intellectual comes with its hang-ups... i've had many men assume i'd bang everything that looked at my boobs, and those tricks weren't my treats. a secure confident woman is within ur grasp. be patient son!
I thght we were gonna get married!!! Now ur telling me it's not for u!!! was it something I did or said lmao!!
Nah..seriously....to each it's own. U never know whts in-store for u. U may feel like ur not looking & then mr right ends up in ur lap and he's everything u want him 2 be... just b/c some men can't keep their johnsons in their pants doesn't mean ALL men r like tht. If u ask me, women are bigger sluts than men (sorry ladies) but it's true lol.
Love is a beautiful thing once u understand it. And it comes in all forms!
Trials of Love
Why is love treating me like a stepchild
And why does pain know my number by heart
Loneliness calls me by my nickname
And regret, (lets not even start)
Love won’t take me home to meet the parents
Pain already did
Right after lust took me to the bedroom
And asked if he could ‘hit’
When I said yes because love doesn’t notice me
And joy doesn’t know my name
I settled for getting to know orgasm personally
Love didn’t show up, but @ least I came!
janis nicole townsend (nikkiblanco)
Sorry to hear bout your heartbreak. Go through the phases..... hurt, anger, sadness, rejection and come back renewed. We just began the Winter Solstice which may have something to do with your feelings as well.
I do want you to pull it together tho. You're a King and you are you're own man. You moved back up top to pursue YOUR dreams. Live your life. Enjoy the moment and appreciate the times you did share with her. Good-byes are signs of one's faith that more hello's are to come.
She may have just been your steak ums preparing you for your filet mingon...........
***CYBER HUG*****
You'll be aight!
I hate when people try to communicate to their so-called "loved one" via their blog. It's seems cowardly.
dang, i sound jaded. hmm