BlogXilla For Sexual Intellectuals - Latest Comments in Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

nynikki — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:29:24 -0000

I've told a man I loved him but was no longer in love with him. He understood what I meant because he worked hard to kill what we had by lying and fucking around.

I still loved him because I wanted him to do well and have a great life.
But I wasn't in love anymore because I knew I wasn't going to have a great life with him.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

IamJavone — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:09:18 -0000

But ya'll even if she was dating someone else, he doesn't need to get upset/angry because he knows she is NOT going anywhere. In his mind, since she has been there for 8 years off/on, where is she really going.

He is thinking to himself "I got this on lock", she can 'see' whomever she wants because he knows the minute he starts acting all into her again, his behaviour will change for 5 min, she will let dude go, and he will go right back to smashing other chicks.

I really hope she takes our words to heart and just cuts her losses (after 8 long years) and find someone who will want a wife, and not a play thang.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

barbiebitch — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:08:11 -0000

I got out of a 6 year relationship in 07. I've known my ex for 5 years BEFORE we started dating. So we had a chance to "build" a relationship( he sucked at being a boyfriend, yet I stayed) But I can honestly say that I truly love him,yet I am no longer in love with him. I love him enough that I really want him to be happy no matter who he's with(although some of them were my friends). I was even friends with some of his jump-offs(after we dated). The thing that most helped us is Brutal Honesty. He's always been honest with me about his lifestyle, even when i didn't want to hear it, he treated me like his "best bud".We've only had sex once after we broke up, and that verified everything for me. We've run our course. And yes there's always that hint of familiarity(we're talking a 10 year friendship here). But people have to realize you don't love some things in your 30's the same way as you do in your 20's and so on.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

barbiebitch — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:08:10 -0000

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

Michsi — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:07:53 -0000

I have agree with Blogxilla, but I understand where you are coming from. But the love you have for your kids, and the love that you have for a man aren't even in the same relm. Your love for a man, comes from all these things that that man offers you, sex, a realationship, someone to spend time with all those things that a relationship has to offer.

Loving your kids is something totally different. You don't look for anything of those things that you love in a grown man, in your own children. I get what you saying, but being "in love " is the Love you have for a man that you are with, if you feel that strongly about that person. You can still have LOVE for both, but they are two totally different subjects, two things that can't be compared regardless you love them both right?

By all jokes aside- In Love isn't in the websters dictionary, but i did find this.

Websters- Love implies intense fondeness or deep devotion and may apply to various relationships or objects. ( Sexual, Brotherly, )

It says to "Fall in love with" means Begin to feel love for one, or something.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

Michsi — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:56:07 -0000

RE: There are only two circumstances where "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is fair to say to a person:

When you're ending things because you know you can no longer meet their expectations in the relationship

When you know the person has feelings for you that you can't reciprocate - truly loving them will prevent you from being selfish and starting something that you know won't fulfill their needs

YES!

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

Michsi — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:54:33 -0000

I have to agree. I mean if you love someone, you love them. Can you hate someone and define how much you hate them? If you hate them, then you just do.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

Chelli — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 21:51:18 -0000

Whoo I agree with Lady Jei wholeheartedly, I'm surprised Xilla didn't chime in on this one. Point blank sweetie you are wasting your time and putting miles on your body (and your heart) for the wrong man. If he was going to 'wife' you he would have done it by now, but after 8 years of him being able to do his own thing and still have you holding him down he has no incentive to change his behavior. Like someone else said, if he knows you date other men and that doesnt bother him, then he doesnt care as much as you think he does.
Please get up, get out, and move on sweetie.
xoxo

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

hazysin — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:51:36 -0000

i could not have said it better myself. You don't just randomly utter this particular phase.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

hazysin — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:27:37 -0000

Excellent. I sewar i have never heard/seen/read anything so simplified when it comes to love. Futhermore, it makes sense. Thank you

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

hazysin — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:12:05 -0000

touche'

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

HeadMistress — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:43:31 -0000

Excellent advice LJ!!!

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

coffy — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 11:39:14 -0000

I agree with Lady Jei! He's never going to wife you. Men usually don't take it to that level with a "friend-with-benefits". It's the gift and the curse of the situation. if he knows ur dating other guys, doesn't get jealous, so he must be comfortable with your sexual relationship.

Its like when a woman who has a guy in the "friend" zone, and she doesn't see him sexually. He sees you sexually, but not in terms of wifey.

The situation was good at first, but it seems like you're ready for a real commitment, which he is not willing to give. so you got to move on & stop seeing him b/c if you continue a sexual relationship, it will continute to hurt your new or potiential relationships.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

IamJavone — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 09:58:48 -0000

Favorite if I didn't know any better I would swear I know you, lol!!! This story sound 99.9% like this girl I know.
She has been on/off with this guy since they were in college. They were together, she moved to NYC from Chicago, they lived together, broke up. Another girl came around, and now they are holding on to the last 7-8 years.
He is not ready to committ, she is, GIRL!!!!!

Your story is almost identical I'll tell ya, lol!

But that's good you aren't waiting for him. Becaue if after almost 8 years and he is still not ready, time to move on.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

Janee — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 02:49:29 -0000

Honestly, I dont know what love is... i used to strong lust and attraction up with Love...I use to use the " i love you" all the time with my bf's till i realized i was lying because after the relationships wrapped up, i realize the werent hard to forget and that i m ust have been in real lust.. so how would you know when your in love?

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

The Favorite — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 02:14:43 -0000

I can't exactly say that i've been sitting around waiting for him. I've dated other people, but I have in a way allowed my fake relationship with him to deter me from getting serious with anyone else. It was just recently that I decided to tell him that I no longer wanted to deal with anyone but him and thats when I found out that he was not ready to do the same. I recognize that the way things started between us have a lot to do with where we are now. It's true the whole FWB situation is what it is, but you would think after 8 years there would be some type of progression. Anyhow, at this point, its whatever. I'll date others and no longer use him as a reason to shut other people down.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

IamJavone — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 23:12:10 -0000

Ok, "favorite" you said a fe key things that has me wonderng, exactly why are you stil there...

He said he is not ready to stop fucking other people....so you are sticking around while you KNOW he is smashing others.

You said everybody that you spoke to (men and women) tell you to give him time. You said you were together for 8 years (off and on). Ok, so how much more time are we talking, another 8 years. Ya'll have been at this for almost 10 years, and you are going to 'wait'.

You are his favorite...that he sleeps with other women on, that has kept you waiting for 8 years.

GURL!!!!!!! What kind of battery does he have in your back. That has to be the $3.39 Duracell and not that $.99 shit.

Please tell me you are not going to continue to wait around for another day while he sleeps with other women, and you stay cooped up in the house waiting around for this man.
And your girlfriends are NOT your friends, and your male friends must know him cause game recognize game.

This is insane. Girl from one woman to another, I love you as my sista, GET OUT!!!! He is not going to wife you. It does not take 8 years for that man to give you a ring. Good Lawd!!!!

I will be praying for you!

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

The Favorite — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 21:32:25 -0000

I have been in a "relationship" going on 8 years (off and on). We have established that we love each other, we understand that we are not in love. We don't just fuck, we date and spend quite a bit of time together, but we are not together. I am personally ready for something more substantial and he's in so many words said that he's not ready to stop fucking other people, but he doesn't want me to go anywhere. My friends that I have talked to abt the situation (male and female) think he's nuts for not "wifing" me a long time ago. The other day one of our mutual friends told me to give him time, he's just not that dude yet, but then followed up with "ur the one he spends most of his time with, I know for a fact that u r his favorite..." yeah ok mf'er

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

HeadMistress — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:06:50 -0000

There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them...as stated before being "in-love" is usually reserved for romantic connections with people

However, saying it to someone you're actively involved with IS a cop out to keep yourself open, and truth is you probably don't really love them at all. Having to qualify it means you're aware that this person holds higher expectations for the "relationship" and you know you can't/don't want to meet those expectations.

There are only two circumstances where "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is fair to say to a person:

When you're ending things because you know you can no longer meet their expectations in the relationship

When you know the person has feelings for you that you can't reciprocate - truly loving them will prevent you from being selfish and starting something that you know won't fulfill their needs

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

true2me — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:48:31 -0000

Thanks for breaking it down Orange..Blogxilla..U SEE THERE IS A DIFFERENCE lol

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

Orange — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:45:02 -0000

ouch girly......... consider it a hard lesson learned not to be repeated.......alot men won;t utter the words unless they mean them tho, but make sure the action always backs up words, words are cheap people can say anything and some mofos are that grimey that they will say anything to get they want, which makes very manipluative and selfish. but its up to us to be able to decipher and discern these things EARLY..lesson learned!!!

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

Elliotts' Fool — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:06:39 -0000

Sounds like the "fake" relationship I have been in for 3 years. Most guys that say they love you simply mean that I love your flexability, I love your head game, I love how you tighten those muscles around my joint. Dag you got some blazin, but I don't want to commit to you I want that chick that don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, I want that chick who needs me- so regardless of the fact I have been with you 3 years & you got that snapper+ you can help my money grow and back a brother up when his chips are low I do not want to be with you between 6 am - 12 am, but I will come see you at 1:30 for an good hour.

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

Orange — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:33:39 -0000

I agree wholeheartedly....... selfishness will destroy the selfish in the end tho

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

rodeosbest — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:23:52 -0000

love is a by product of relationships.. either you DO or you DONT.. thats like saying.... you were doing a good job but we are only downsizing due to financials-GTFOH.. why even say that.. either way.. You dont want me here anymore.. What happens is the person on the other end .. usually gets madd..then keeps gettin it in with the "no love you" person... and think they can CHANGE their mind.. but if that person really had any love for you.. wouldnt they allow the ability to move on so you wouldnt be hurt? Child PLEASE.. that is the rhetoric of a selfish person..and im sorry selfishness HURTS OTHER PEOPLE.. Be a man or woman.. BE REAL WITH YO SH@#$..thanks this is a PSA by the pristine pussy counsel..

Re: Love 2010: “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

LuxxeKitty — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:40:49 -0000

yuuup! That's it right there. Diff types of love. But love is love, all day, everyday. All 3 are necessary.