DISQUS

LuxxeKitty · 1 month ago

"I love you but, i’m not in love w/ you" is the ultimate cop-out. When you say you love someone or some thing, that's just it! To be 'in love with' is just re-iterating that you love that person, place or thing.

Most people who use this phrase do not truly love as much as they may like the person or the situation that they're currently in.

BlogXilla · 1 month ago

YOU AINT NEVER LIE! You can't be half in love w/ someone that's just nonsense!

ChellBellz AKA Mimz · 1 month ago

I have to agree. I mean if you love someone, you love them. Can you hate someone and define how much you hate them? If you hate them, then you just do.

HeadMistress · 1 month ago

There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them...as stated before being "in-love" is usually reserved for romantic connections with people

However, saying it to someone you're actively involved with IS a cop out to keep yourself open, and truth is you probably don't really love them at all. Having to qualify it means you're aware that this person holds higher expectations for the "relationship" and you know you can't/don't want to meet those expectations.

There are only two circumstances where "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is fair to say to a person:

When you're ending things because you know you can no longer meet their expectations in the relationship

OR

When you know the person has feelings for you that you can't reciprocate - truly loving them will prevent you from being selfish and starting something that you know won't fulfill their needs

hazysin · 1 month ago

i could not have said it better myself. You don't just randomly utter this particular phase.

ChellBellz AKA Mimz · 1 month ago

RE: There are only two circumstances where "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is fair to say to a person:

When you're ending things because you know you can no longer meet their expectations in the relationship

OR

When you know the person has feelings for you that you can't reciprocate - truly loving them will prevent you from being selfish and starting something that you know won't fulfill their needs



YES!

Elliotts' Fool · 1 month ago

Sounds like the "fake" relationship I have been in for 3 years. Most guys that say they love you simply mean that I love your flexability, I love your head game, I love how you tighten those muscles around my joint. Dag you got some blazin, but I don't want to commit to you I want that chick that don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, I want that chick who needs me- so regardless of the fact I have been with you 3 years & you got that snapper+ you can help my money grow and back a brother up when his chips are low I do not want to be with you between 6 am - 12 am, but I will come see you at 1:30 for an good hour.

Orange · 1 month ago

ouch girly......... consider it a hard lesson learned not to be repeated.......alot men won;t utter the words unless they mean them tho, but make sure the action always backs up words, words are cheap people can say anything and some mofos are that grimey that they will say anything to get they want, which makes very manipluative and selfish. but its up to us to be able to decipher and discern these things EARLY..lesson learned!!!

coffy · 1 month ago

I had a friend with benefits for 3 years. and he's told me he loved me...during orgasm. (I'm not a guy, but I don't think that counts). It was the most comfortable relationship I ever had and the most amazing sex! No expectations, No explinations, Not one fight or argument. Our time together was our time togeather & Our time apart was our time apart, don't ask don't tell. That IS the benefit. Until maturity takes over and leads to a commited relationship (with or without the friend with benefits friend).

Randy B · 1 month ago

I feel being in love with someone is more of a feeling than a action. You can do all the things that lovers do, have "I'm in love moments" but if that "in love" feeling hasn't completly hit you, not much you can do about it.. You can Love that person, Love spending quality time with that person but if its not in your head or heart that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, this person completes me, etc. you can't really be in love with them, but you can still love them. "My opinion"

BlogXilla · 1 month ago

I feel You, but you can't love someone and not be in love with them. That's nonsense to me. I mean love doesn't mean you want to spend the rest of your life w/ this person. Love could be a connection. You're right it is a feeling. I love'd before and i still love them. I'm in love with them. Whenever i"m around them i get butterflies. PAUSE but that doesn't mean i want to spend enternity w them. It just means i have a strong feeling for them. Love doesn't die

BeautyMarkThis · 1 month ago

Of course you can love someone and not be in love with them. I love my ex as a person just like I love a friend. Just because we broke up it doesn't mean I forget who they are. It's just im no longer sexually attracted to them and they do nothing for me. Simple as this.. I don't look at them as being a mate, someone I can be with. Nothing more, nothing less.

dessaluvu · 1 month ago

love and in love isa two different things xilla, when u love someone u care about them, when u in love they giv e u butterflies

BlogXilla · 1 month ago

YOU'RE WRONG! Once you cross the love LINE you're in love w/ the person. Unless you're saying you give half ass love then it's not love at all. I think that's the problem we don't know what love is. because if you truly love a person then you have to be in love w/ them or else you don't love the person. Love is so many things from that wonderful feeling to that pissed off i'm so mad right now I just wanna break something of yours and light it on fire... all of that is love. Hell you can't even hate someone unless you love them. Love and hate are the same feeling and once you cross that fine line of love then you are in love w/ the person and if you say you're not then your love ain't worth a half of fucking penny.

No offense you're entitled to your opinion but we just have different ones on this topic right here!

Cynthia Monroe · 1 month ago

I agree with you totally BlogXilla. People don't know the difference between Love and Lust. Love means that you will do anything go anywhere for that person. Lust is just that Lust. The sex is good and makes you think that you are love but once that ends there is no love because it was never love to begin with.

true2me · 1 month ago

I love my kids but I'm not in love with them. I love my girls but not in love with them. I love my ex, but not in love with him (anymore thank God).

I dont get it. :(. What part of loving someone and not being in love can't u understand.

BlogXilla · 1 month ago

read above comment, and if you're not in love w/ your kids then something is seriously wrong! lol I love my kids to death and that love knows no boundaries. NONE I'll go to hell and back for my kids. and if that's not the meaning of in love. Maybe i just love too hard maybe love is so important to me that I just don't believe you can half love someone and not take advantage of all the benefits of that emotion. If i love you I love no, there are no stages to love! If it is then y'all aren't in love or don't know how to love... but that's just me.

true2me · 1 month ago

lmao..U think I dont love my kids enough to give my life. To me IN LOVE is different from LOVE...

In love requires PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. It requires DESIRE and Passion. Thats the difference. Its an intense feeling to be with someone. Its the emotion of sex and romance.

*sidenote..I posted a blog on whether we were really in love or just attached to people..but I digress there*

Like your story above..if that man TRULY WAS IN LOVE, he wouldn't do ANYTHING to hurt her. Obviously he just "loved" her. Like your analogy, you are in love with your kids, would you do anything that u know would intentionally hurt them? Exactly..HELLZ TO THE NAW. But we so readily do it to our mates of the opposite sex...so no..IMO..being in love and loving someone is not one and the same...But if it is to be one the same..its either you love someone or you don't...(in love needs to be excluded)

Definition of in love: (free online dictionary). A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

hazysin · 1 month ago

touche'

ChellBellz AKA Mimz · 1 month ago

I have agree with Blogxilla, but I understand where you are coming from. But the love you have for your kids, and the love that you have for a man aren't even in the same relm. Your love for a man, comes from all these things that that man offers you, sex, a realationship, someone to spend time with all those things that a relationship has to offer.

Loving your kids is something totally different. You don't look for anything of those things that you love in a grown man, in your own children. I get what you saying, but being "in love " is the Love you have for a man that you are with, if you feel that strongly about that person. You can still have LOVE for both, but they are two totally different subjects, two things that can't be compared regardless you love them both right?


By all jokes aside- In Love isn't in the websters dictionary, but i did find this.


Websters- Love implies intense fondeness or deep devotion and may apply to various relationships or objects. ( Sexual, Brotherly, )

It says to "Fall in love with" means Begin to feel love for one, or something.

nikielaine · 1 month ago

its not so much that women are like men, they just began to settle. its becoming harder and harder to find a good man that is willing to commit so to avoid the heartache in the end they agree too friends with benefits just to have a companion. it is necessary that women dont forget their worth and stop using that their acting like a man because their not ..and instead tell a nigga if you aint trying to make something more or establish some type of relationship that has substance i aint giving you that good pussy and head cause it can wait for the next nigga that is...cause youll just be another name on the roster and we all know how too many names correlate with a whore when it comes to women! so ladies lets not overthink the independent lady and make our men work a lil bit harder for it without having to settle for the simple fact of comfort....

true2me · 1 month ago

Men have been being men for centuries, we cannot change their "nature". Instead we allowed this oppressive world to convince women that whats most valuable about us is between our legs. We have a nature too..and its not that different from men. Once you have reached a certain level of self acceptance, who you have sex with is not only not that important, but more enjoyable because of the less amount of importance placed on the vergina. I would never allow my self worth to be defined by any man's peen.

I hope you understand that.

true2me · 1 month ago

Ahh..the age ole and tiredly posted topic of Friends w benefits..except w a new twist ..CAN YOU LOVE THEM.

I dated a guy who had a "wifey" and kids at home..we went out for a long time..and we said I love you to eachother..I do love him..but not IN LOVE. We made eachother laugh, I taught him new words, we went out. Even his friends today consider me "his girl" even tho I'm not.

The last time we did it..we "made love" ...it was special..I'll never forget it

You can have mad love for someone and sex them w/o committment. As long as both parties are honest.

What I hate is men who are open on their end, but want the women they deal w to only deal w them, only love them, be exclusive and act like a girlfriend when they are clearly not.

Love matters, but commitment matters more. You can love being around someone, love having sex with them, love their company without wanting to be 100 percent serious. I know for me, I'm not at that point where I am ready for some guy to be wondering what I'm doing, trying to regulate me to be what he wants, and clocking my moves, but a friend who I can kick it w, and chill again, I miss that in my ole boy..

A. Nicole James · 1 month ago

idk, maybe this can only apply to 'older grown folks' but for some reason i can`t agree...maybe its because i`m looking at this whole thing through rose colored glasses, and from the view point of someone young, but i don`t agree with the friends w/ benefits thing...its crap to me; i personally have done it and wouldn`t put myself in that position again, even if i wasnt in a relationship...it takes a certain kind of female to allow herself to be sexual with a man, while he isn`t her boyfriend...i don`t think women should use the excuse of there not being good men around, as a reason to subject themselves to that kinda thing...i can`t imagine a person being able to just keep on having casual sex with a person and not develop any kind of feelings for that person, but i guess people will do whatever just to have a companion...
and for the love but not being in love with someone, i agree. that is possible...you can love an ex but not be in love with them...i feel that being in love is required to sustain a relationship...i feel like you have to be in love with a person in order to see yourself being with them for the rest of your life, if not whats the point? you can love them from a distance.

TeeBaby · 1 month ago

I have a friend w/ benefits whom I've known since age 12. He was always a man, but we were always just friends. I would have never crossed that line but it was hard to resist...I was single & tempted. I had ignored his advances too long & they became more than jokes. Hate to say it but he has someone, but the the comfortability & sexual chemistry is bananas! He was my best friend & still is, I see who I want & when I am seeing someone else I cut him off. There is clearly something there that's unsaid but we let it be. He says we should have hooked up long ago, but believes I would'nt have gave him a chance. Realistically, we were just seeing other people. I am not proud of it but it couldn't be anyone else & there is love...we're just not in love.

Randy B · 1 month ago

Re: @Blogxilla yea I agree with what your saying and feel your right to a certain extent. I can go from being in love with someone until I feel they did me wrong and just be cool on them and have a lot of love for them. Being in love, loving and having love for someone are all different.

Randy B · 1 month ago

@blogxilla haha your right again but it just depends on the person really. Love is different for everybody. I'm sure everyones had something they loved but weren't "in love" wit it. Like me, the first time I had lobster I loved it but I'm low key allergic to it and never had it again, I'm not in love with it but I once loved it. Not the same but kinda relates

BlogXilla · 1 month ago

but you prove my point! lol Like yo! You still love lobster you just can't eat it. I love my ex girlfriend but its too much drama around her and I wouldn't touch her... but it doesn't mean i don't love her no more and thats b/c I was in love w/ her. You see love is everyhing good and bad. People focus on the good of love but don't understand that love is also the bad feelings too!

barbiebitch · 1 month ago

I got out of a 6 year relationship in 07. I've known my ex for 5 years BEFORE we started dating. So we had a chance to "build" a relationship( he sucked at being a boyfriend, yet I stayed) But I can honestly say that I truly love him,yet I am no longer in love with him. I love him enough that I really want him to be happy no matter who he's with(although some of them were my friends). I was even friends with some of his jump-offs(after we dated). The thing that most helped us is Brutal Honesty. He's always been honest with me about his lifestyle, even when i didn't want to hear it, he treated me like his "best bud".We've only had sex once after we broke up, and that verified everything for me. We've run our course. And yes there's always that hint of familiarity(we're talking a 10 year friendship here). But people have to realize you don't love some things in your 30's the same way as you do in your 20's and so on.

barbiebitch · 1 month ago

I got out of a 6 year relationship in 07. I've known my ex for 5 years BEFORE we started dating. So we had a chance to "build" a relationship( he sucked at being a boyfriend, yet I stayed) But I can honestly say that I truly love him,yet I am no longer in love with him. I love him enough that I really want him to be happy no matter who he's with(although some of them were my friends). I was even friends with some of his jump-offs(after we dated). The thing that most helped us is Brutal Honesty. He's always been honest with me about his lifestyle, even when i didn't want to hear it, he treated me like his "best bud".We've only had sex once after we broke up, and that verified everything for me. We've run our course. And yes there's always that hint of familiarity(we're talking a 10 year friendship here). But people have to realize you don't love some things in your 30's the same way as you do in your 20's and so on.

Randy B · 1 month ago

@true2me haha yea you gotta love and for 18 years try and be in love with them

true2me · 1 month ago

either you love someone or you don't..plain and simple..

maybe we just strongly like LOL..I dunno...whatever

I think i'm too old for this blog sometimes

elcectickismet · 1 month ago

I dont think "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is a cop out. I am pro relationship but I can honestly say I love my ex but Im not in love with him. Love and being in love I think are 2 different emotions. I think we're just in a generation of divorcees and single parent households, so most of us associate being in love as a bad thing, for fear of being hurt.

Randy B · 1 month ago

Haha naw I loved lobster for that one night after I seen the consequences of that love I had to let her go, never ate it again. I feel I can totally agree with that WHOLE last statement. I wasn't trynna say the love was gonna dissapear just that loving someone and being in love is two different emotions. Once your "in love" with someone your ALWAYS going to love them but can do so without bieng "in love"

Orange · 1 month ago

There are different loves for different people, maybe all equally strong, like familial love, and then the love for your BFF, whom, I love like a sister...then there is romantic love which is more commonly known as being inlove, with the butterflies etc.....
Xilla is right with love never dying...its complexion may change but it never dies

Orange · 1 month ago

The 3 Types of Love
There are three types of love:

1) Eros love - known as "erotic love". It is based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages of a man-woman "romantic" relationship.

This love is based more on physical traits. Say a person says he has "fallen in love" for a woman, because "she looked like an angel" (sheesh). Or a woman "falls in love" for a guy because he is intelligent, has good breeding, etc.

The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on "self-benefit", of what can benefit you rather than the other person. This is "I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you." See? The keyword is the word "ME".

When that person doesn't "feel happy" anymore in loving that person, she/he is led to believe that she/he has "fallen out of love". Actually, there was never "true love" in the first place. The fact is, love by feelings alone cannot be called "true love" simply because they do not know each other that much yet.

Two people feel this strong emotional attraction towards one another, though they barely really know about each other's personalities. A person usually puts her/his best foot forward, showing only her/his good side. In order to be sure if "true love" exists, two people must know and accept each others' good and bad traits.

Furthermore, they must have gone through a lot of time with each other, going through BOTH joys and sorrows, pains and pleasures, and still end up together. A lot of sacrifice towards each other is therefore essential.

It is love that is untested by hardships, and therefore may or may not last in the long-term. It may or may not develop into a higher form of love - philos love. Eros love can only succeed in the long-term if it progresses into a higher form of love. Otherwise, it will not last.

The romantic feeling common in "eros love" is natural, and an important part of a relationship between a man and a woman. Romance also plays a role in strengthening the bonds, especially at the start of a relationship. This is part of God's plan.

What we need to be careful of is assuming a relationship must be "real love" just because it is romantic, because all we feel is happiness. As with most anything in life, we must learn to use both our heart and mind to judge if something is real.

Be careful also of being in love with the "concept of love" itself, rather than for who the person is. TV. movies, media has "romanticized" so much, it is often hard to see reality from fiction.

You must love a person for her/his uniqueness, not because you simply want to feel the joy of "being in love." Such a love is concerned more with the "self" rather than the partner.

Over-relying on pure emotion without the balance of logic is a recipe for failure.


2) Philos love - a love based on friendship between two people.

It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term.

Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is marriage, or boyfriend-girlfriend, relationship betweeen family members, relationship with co-workers, employer, etc.

In the case of a man-woman romantic relationship, the advantage is you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship above friendship.

You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly strong emotions can suddenly appear over time and you both realize you miss each other more. It takes time, and is patient (love is patient, love is kind!).

This is in contrast to a man-woman romantic relationship which starts out by "eros love", meaning you get attracted by physical/mental traits alone. Strong emotions start almost immediately (some would even say "love at first sight"), though you do not even know each other that much.

With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. Again, you cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone.

Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return.

Therefore, philos is a higher type of love than eros. Philos love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship, while eros love is a self-based, form of love that is more concerned with the "self" or self-benefit.

Like eros love, philos love must develop into a higher form of love, the highest love of all - "agape" or unconditional love.


3) Agape - unconditional love

The third and highest type of love is "agape", or unconditional love.

Agape love is above philos love and eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit).

Say, you help out a person, even though that person hates you and curses you. Or you take insults from your partner without hitting back, all the while forgiving and praying for your partner to amend her/his ways. Or the famed "unconditional love" that a mother has for her child (her child will always be the most beautiful child in the world to her, even with a face only a mother could love!).

Or the love we show our parents, taking care of them and helping them in their old age. Just like they took care of us when we were young, it is done with or without benefit in return.

However, the highest type of agape love is not human at all, but divine - God's unconditional love for us, His children.

God's love was shown to us the most when God the Father sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ to his suffering and death on the cross for our salvation. There is no greater love than this. Jesus had no obligation to die for us, but He chose to. It is His gift, His ultimate gift.

He chose to die for us because He knew what would happen to us, to all mankind if He left us on our own. Without Jesus' death on the cross, mankind is doomed to eternal damnation, no soul will be able to enter eternal life in Heaven.

The sins of mankind (since the first sin at Eden by Adam and Eve) have become so many and so great that no man can "redeem himself" by his own means alone. Even if each person "suffered and died on the cross", it will not be enough to "repay sins' debts" to God. Only the Begotten Son of God, Jesus Christ Himself, dying on that cross for us would "repay our debts of sin".

First Corinthians 13:4-8 provides a perfect description for agape : "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

In essence, eros love is "physical", philos love is "mental", and agape love is "spiritual". Thus, it is made up of the three fundamental elements of man: physical, mental and spiritual.

Orange · 1 month ago

you need all three interwoven like a rope, thats how most folk endure and sustain, notice I said folk .......

true2me · 1 month ago

Thanks for breaking it down Orange..Blogxilla..U SEE THERE IS A DIFFERENCE lol

hazysin · 1 month ago

Excellent. I sewar i have never heard/seen/read anything so simplified when it comes to love. Futhermore, it makes sense. Thank you

LuxxeKitty · 1 month ago

yuuup! That's it right there. Diff types of love. But love is love, all day, everyday. All 3 are necessary.

coffy · 1 month ago

Most of what makes someone step out is lust. and its becoming more acceptable to go with that * and just do*it*.

True love is more than just physical, it has to touch your soul, heart, mind and body equally.

ALMiss · 1 month ago

I see the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" thing is a BIG topic this comment section, so I'll throw my two cents in. I have told my ex before that I still loved him but I am not in love with him anymore. Why? Because I will ALWAYS love him no matter what because true love never dies, Shakespeare told us that (sonnet 116), BUT I say I'm not in love with him anymore because we're no longer in a relationship and I have moved on. To me, being "in love" with someone means that they're you're one and only who you would do anything for and you both know that you're each others and no one can change that. I think the main reason a lot of people say there is a difference in these things is because nowadays, saying "I love you." means nothing to some people. IMO, loving someone and being in love with them are two different things. You could love everybody or everything and also be "in love" with them even if you don't know them personally??? I'm not seeing that...

rodeosbest · 1 month ago

love is a by product of relationships.. either you DO or you DONT.. thats like saying.... you were doing a good job but we are only downsizing due to financials-GTFOH.. why even say that.. either way.. You dont want me here anymore.. What happens is the person on the other end .. usually gets madd..then keeps gettin it in with the "no love you" person... and think they can CHANGE their mind.. but if that person really had any love for you.. wouldnt they allow the ability to move on so you wouldnt be hurt? Child PLEASE.. that is the rhetoric of a selfish person..and im sorry selfishness HURTS OTHER PEOPLE.. Be a man or woman.. BE REAL WITH YO SH@#$..thanks this is a PSA by the pristine pussy counsel..

Orange · 1 month ago

I agree wholeheartedly....... selfishness will destroy the selfish in the end tho

The Favorite · 1 month ago

I have been in a "relationship" going on 8 years (off and on). We have established that we love each other, we understand that we are not in love. We don't just fuck, we date and spend quite a bit of time together, but we are not together. I am personally ready for something more substantial and he's in so many words said that he's not ready to stop fucking other people, but he doesn't want me to go anywhere. My friends that I have talked to abt the situation (male and female) think he's nuts for not "wifing" me a long time ago. The other day one of our mutual friends told me to give him time, he's just not that dude yet, but then followed up with "ur the one he spends most of his time with, I know for a fact that u r his favorite..." yeah ok mf'er

Lady Jei · 1 month ago

Ok, "favorite" you said a fe key things that has me wonderng, exactly why are you stil there...

He said he is not ready to stop fucking other people....so you are sticking around while you KNOW he is smashing others.

You said everybody that you spoke to (men and women) tell you to give him time. You said you were together for 8 years (off and on). Ok, so how much more time are we talking, another 8 years. Ya'll have been at this for almost 10 years, and you are going to 'wait'.

You are his favorite...that he sleeps with other women on, that has kept you waiting for 8 years.

GURL!!!!!!! What kind of battery does he have in your back. That has to be the $3.39 Duracell and not that $.99 shit.

Please tell me you are not going to continue to wait around for another day while he sleeps with other women, and you stay cooped up in the house waiting around for this man.
And your girlfriends are NOT your friends, and your male friends must know him cause game recognize game.

This is insane. Girl from one woman to another, I love you as my sista, GET OUT!!!! He is not going to wife you. It does not take 8 years for that man to give you a ring. Good Lawd!!!!

I will be praying for you!

LJ

The Favorite · 1 month ago

I can't exactly say that i've been sitting around waiting for him. I've dated other people, but I have in a way allowed my fake relationship with him to deter me from getting serious with anyone else. It was just recently that I decided to tell him that I no longer wanted to deal with anyone but him and thats when I found out that he was not ready to do the same. I recognize that the way things started between us have a lot to do with where we are now. It's true the whole FWB situation is what it is, but you would think after 8 years there would be some type of progression. Anyhow, at this point, its whatever. I'll date others and no longer use him as a reason to shut other people down.

Lady Jei · 1 month ago

Favorite if I didn't know any better I would swear I know you, lol!!! This story sound 99.9% like this girl I know.
She has been on/off with this guy since they were in college. They were together, she moved to NYC from Chicago, they lived together, broke up. Another girl came around, and now they are holding on to the last 7-8 years.
He is not ready to committ, she is, GIRL!!!!!

Your story is almost identical I'll tell ya, lol!

But that's good you aren't waiting for him. Becaue if after almost 8 years and he is still not ready, time to move on.

coffy · 1 month ago

I agree with Lady Jei! He's never going to wife you. Men usually don't take it to that level with a "friend-with-benefits". It's the gift and the curse of the situation. if he knows ur dating other guys, doesn't get jealous, so he must be comfortable with your sexual relationship.

Its like when a woman who has a guy in the "friend" zone, and she doesn't see him sexually. He sees you sexually, but not in terms of wifey.

The situation was good at first, but it seems like you're ready for a real commitment, which he is not willing to give. so you got to move on & stop seeing him b/c if you continue a sexual relationship, it will continute to hurt your new or potiential relationships.

HeadMistress · 1 month ago

Excellent advice LJ!!!

Chelli · 1 month ago

Whoo I agree with Lady Jei wholeheartedly, I'm surprised Xilla didn't chime in on this one. Point blank sweetie you are wasting your time and putting miles on your body (and your heart) for the wrong man. If he was going to 'wife' you he would have done it by now, but after 8 years of him being able to do his own thing and still have you holding him down he has no incentive to change his behavior. Like someone else said, if he knows you date other men and that doesnt bother him, then he doesnt care as much as you think he does.
Please get up, get out, and move on sweetie.
xoxo

Lady Jei · 1 month ago

But ya'll even if she was dating someone else, he doesn't need to get upset/angry because he knows she is NOT going anywhere. In his mind, since she has been there for 8 years off/on, where is she really going.

He is thinking to himself "I got this on lock", she can 'see' whomever she wants because he knows the minute he starts acting all into her again, his behaviour will change for 5 min, she will let dude go, and he will go right back to smashing other chicks.

I really hope she takes our words to heart and just cuts her losses (after 8 long years) and find someone who will want a wife, and not a play thang.

Janee · 1 month ago

Honestly, I dont know what love is... i used to strong lust and attraction up with Love...I use to use the " i love you" all the time with my bf's till i realized i was lying because after the relationships wrapped up, i realize the werent hard to forget and that i m ust have been in real lust.. so how would you know when your in love?

nynikki · 1 month ago

I've told a man I loved him but was no longer in love with him. He understood what I meant because he worked hard to kill what we had by lying and fucking around.

I still loved him because I wanted him to do well and have a great life.
But I wasn't in love anymore because I knew I wasn't going to have a great life with him.