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Most people who use this phrase do not truly love as much as they may like the person or the situation that they're currently in.
However, saying it to someone you're actively involved with IS a cop out to keep yourself open, and truth is you probably don't really love them at all. Having to qualify it means you're aware that this person holds higher expectations for the "relationship" and you know you can't/don't want to meet those expectations.
There are only two circumstances where "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is fair to say to a person:
When you're ending things because you know you can no longer meet their expectations in the relationship
OR
When you know the person has feelings for you that you can't reciprocate - truly loving them will prevent you from being selfish and starting something that you know won't fulfill their needs
When you're ending things because you know you can no longer meet their expectations in the relationship
OR
When you know the person has feelings for you that you can't reciprocate - truly loving them will prevent you from being selfish and starting something that you know won't fulfill their needs
YES!
No offense you're entitled to your opinion but we just have different ones on this topic right here!
I dont get it. :(. What part of loving someone and not being in love can't u understand.
In love requires PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. It requires DESIRE and Passion. Thats the difference. Its an intense feeling to be with someone. Its the emotion of sex and romance.
*sidenote..I posted a blog on whether we were really in love or just attached to people..but I digress there*
Like your story above..if that man TRULY WAS IN LOVE, he wouldn't do ANYTHING to hurt her. Obviously he just "loved" her. Like your analogy, you are in love with your kids, would you do anything that u know would intentionally hurt them? Exactly..HELLZ TO THE NAW. But we so readily do it to our mates of the opposite sex...so no..IMO..being in love and loving someone is not one and the same...But if it is to be one the same..its either you love someone or you don't...(in love needs to be excluded)
Definition of in love: (free online dictionary). A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
Loving your kids is something totally different. You don't look for anything of those things that you love in a grown man, in your own children. I get what you saying, but being "in love " is the Love you have for a man that you are with, if you feel that strongly about that person. You can still have LOVE for both, but they are two totally different subjects, two things that can't be compared regardless you love them both right?
By all jokes aside- In Love isn't in the websters dictionary, but i did find this.
Websters- Love implies intense fondeness or deep devotion and may apply to various relationships or objects. ( Sexual, Brotherly, )
It says to "Fall in love with" means Begin to feel love for one, or something.
I hope you understand that.
I dated a guy who had a "wifey" and kids at home..we went out for a long time..and we said I love you to eachother..I do love him..but not IN LOVE. We made eachother laugh, I taught him new words, we went out. Even his friends today consider me "his girl" even tho I'm not.
The last time we did it..we "made love" ...it was special..I'll never forget it
You can have mad love for someone and sex them w/o committment. As long as both parties are honest.
What I hate is men who are open on their end, but want the women they deal w to only deal w them, only love them, be exclusive and act like a girlfriend when they are clearly not.
Love matters, but commitment matters more. You can love being around someone, love having sex with them, love their company without wanting to be 100 percent serious. I know for me, I'm not at that point where I am ready for some guy to be wondering what I'm doing, trying to regulate me to be what he wants, and clocking my moves, but a friend who I can kick it w, and chill again, I miss that in my ole boy..
and for the love but not being in love with someone, i agree. that is possible...you can love an ex but not be in love with them...i feel that being in love is required to sustain a relationship...i feel like you have to be in love with a person in order to see yourself being with them for the rest of your life, if not whats the point? you can love them from a distance.
maybe we just strongly like LOL..I dunno...whatever
I think i'm too old for this blog sometimes
Xilla is right with love never dying...its complexion may change but it never dies
There are three types of love:
1) Eros love - known as "erotic love". It is based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages of a man-woman "romantic" relationship.
This love is based more on physical traits. Say a person says he has "fallen in love" for a woman, because "she looked like an angel" (sheesh). Or a woman "falls in love" for a guy because he is intelligent, has good breeding, etc.
The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on "self-benefit", of what can benefit you rather than the other person. This is "I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you." See? The keyword is the word "ME".
When that person doesn't "feel happy" anymore in loving that person, she/he is led to believe that she/he has "fallen out of love". Actually, there was never "true love" in the first place. The fact is, love by feelings alone cannot be called "true love" simply because they do not know each other that much yet.
Two people feel this strong emotional attraction towards one another, though they barely really know about each other's personalities. A person usually puts her/his best foot forward, showing only her/his good side. In order to be sure if "true love" exists, two people must know and accept each others' good and bad traits.
Furthermore, they must have gone through a lot of time with each other, going through BOTH joys and sorrows, pains and pleasures, and still end up together. A lot of sacrifice towards each other is therefore essential.
It is love that is untested by hardships, and therefore may or may not last in the long-term. It may or may not develop into a higher form of love - philos love. Eros love can only succeed in the long-term if it progresses into a higher form of love. Otherwise, it will not last.
The romantic feeling common in "eros love" is natural, and an important part of a relationship between a man and a woman. Romance also plays a role in strengthening the bonds, especially at the start of a relationship. This is part of God's plan.
What we need to be careful of is assuming a relationship must be "real love" just because it is romantic, because all we feel is happiness. As with most anything in life, we must learn to use both our heart and mind to judge if something is real.
Be careful also of being in love with the "concept of love" itself, rather than for who the person is. TV. movies, media has "romanticized" so much, it is often hard to see reality from fiction.
You must love a person for her/his uniqueness, not because you simply want to feel the joy of "being in love." Such a love is concerned more with the "self" rather than the partner.
Over-relying on pure emotion without the balance of logic is a recipe for failure.
2) Philos love - a love based on friendship between two people.
It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term.
Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is marriage, or boyfriend-girlfriend, relationship betweeen family members, relationship with co-workers, employer, etc.
In the case of a man-woman romantic relationship, the advantage is you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship above friendship.
You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly strong emotions can suddenly appear over time and you both realize you miss each other more. It takes time, and is patient (love is patient, love is kind!).
This is in contrast to a man-woman romantic relationship which starts out by "eros love", meaning you get attracted by physical/mental traits alone. Strong emotions start almost immediately (some would even say "love at first sight"), though you do not even know each other that much.
With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. Again, you cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone.
Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return.
Therefore, philos is a higher type of love than eros. Philos love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship, while eros love is a self-based, form of love that is more concerned with the "self" or self-benefit.
Like eros love, philos love must develop into a higher form of love, the highest love of all - "agape" or unconditional love.
3) Agape - unconditional love
The third and highest type of love is "agape", or unconditional love.
Agape love is above philos love and eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit).
Say, you help out a person, even though that person hates you and curses you. Or you take insults from your partner without hitting back, all the while forgiving and praying for your partner to amend her/his ways. Or the famed "unconditional love" that a mother has for her child (her child will always be the most beautiful child in the world to her, even with a face only a mother could love!).
Or the love we show our parents, taking care of them and helping them in their old age. Just like they took care of us when we were young, it is done with or without benefit in return.
However, the highest type of agape love is not human at all, but divine - God's unconditional love for us, His children.
God's love was shown to us the most when God the Father sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ to his suffering and death on the cross for our salvation. There is no greater love than this. Jesus had no obligation to die for us, but He chose to. It is His gift, His ultimate gift.
He chose to die for us because He knew what would happen to us, to all mankind if He left us on our own. Without Jesus' death on the cross, mankind is doomed to eternal damnation, no soul will be able to enter eternal life in Heaven.
The sins of mankind (since the first sin at Eden by Adam and Eve) have become so many and so great that no man can "redeem himself" by his own means alone. Even if each person "suffered and died on the cross", it will not be enough to "repay sins' debts" to God. Only the Begotten Son of God, Jesus Christ Himself, dying on that cross for us would "repay our debts of sin".
First Corinthians 13:4-8 provides a perfect description for agape : "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
In essence, eros love is "physical", philos love is "mental", and agape love is "spiritual". Thus, it is made up of the three fundamental elements of man: physical, mental and spiritual.
True love is more than just physical, it has to touch your soul, heart, mind and body equally.
He said he is not ready to stop fucking other people....so you are sticking around while you KNOW he is smashing others.
You said everybody that you spoke to (men and women) tell you to give him time. You said you were together for 8 years (off and on). Ok, so how much more time are we talking, another 8 years. Ya'll have been at this for almost 10 years, and you are going to 'wait'.
You are his favorite...that he sleeps with other women on, that has kept you waiting for 8 years.
GURL!!!!!!! What kind of battery does he have in your back. That has to be the $3.39 Duracell and not that $.99 shit.
Please tell me you are not going to continue to wait around for another day while he sleeps with other women, and you stay cooped up in the house waiting around for this man.
And your girlfriends are NOT your friends, and your male friends must know him cause game recognize game.
This is insane. Girl from one woman to another, I love you as my sista, GET OUT!!!! He is not going to wife you. It does not take 8 years for that man to give you a ring. Good Lawd!!!!
I will be praying for you!
LJ
She has been on/off with this guy since they were in college. They were together, she moved to NYC from Chicago, they lived together, broke up. Another girl came around, and now they are holding on to the last 7-8 years.
He is not ready to committ, she is, GIRL!!!!!
Your story is almost identical I'll tell ya, lol!
But that's good you aren't waiting for him. Becaue if after almost 8 years and he is still not ready, time to move on.
Its like when a woman who has a guy in the "friend" zone, and she doesn't see him sexually. He sees you sexually, but not in terms of wifey.
The situation was good at first, but it seems like you're ready for a real commitment, which he is not willing to give. so you got to move on & stop seeing him b/c if you continue a sexual relationship, it will continute to hurt your new or potiential relationships.
Please get up, get out, and move on sweetie.
xoxo
He is thinking to himself "I got this on lock", she can 'see' whomever she wants because he knows the minute he starts acting all into her again, his behaviour will change for 5 min, she will let dude go, and he will go right back to smashing other chicks.
I really hope she takes our words to heart and just cuts her losses (after 8 long years) and find someone who will want a wife, and not a play thang.
I still loved him because I wanted him to do well and have a great life.
But I wasn't in love anymore because I knew I wasn't going to have a great life with him.