DISQUS

knappi · 5 months ago

I don't really care who you choose to date. Usually black men who date outside their race have other issues to contend with. If that's the case, Becky can have you.

But seriously, let's not play the 'Black-People-Are-More-Racist-Than-White-People' game.

If anything, I would argue that we are the more accomodating race, hence why white people feel more comfortable in black surroundings.

Many (not all) white people still have the same thoughts about us as they did 50 years ago. They just hide it better.

Amber · 5 months ago

Date who you want but without added stereotypes (black women angry and bitter and whit women generous and submissive) and try not to hone into the belief that just cause she's white she's a trophy and therefore better than everybody else

briklin · 5 months ago

I have never understood why people take others dating preferences or choices so personally . I'm happy for anyone that is happy.

Ms.310 · 5 months ago

I say go for it! My only request is that you not make it sound like such a trophy to have a white or "other" girl on your arm. Im guessing thats what got you the dirty looks more than anything else.

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

Nah i wasn't i know people who do though, we weren't even holding hands... it was just the looks... the attention. It could have been my blue hair though. who knows.

Ms.310 · 5 months ago

It also depends on where you guys were...I'm in LA and seeing a black man with a white woman ain't nothing new over here LOL! There is too much going on in the world right now to be worried about some dirty looks, go with what makes you happy.

ThoneyGsweet · 5 months ago

i'ma pray u ain' dyed ur hair! u know how i feel about this 1. there are FAR Too many lovely sistas that pay and treat the homies to go for a snow bunny. i'm 1 of 'em. i cook the meals[crack] get bottles, and am not manly yet i play/watch sports. i can't BEG for a black guy in chicago to treat me remotely human. White boys however open doors, kiss my ankles, break my back u name it.
despite the lovely treatment, i can't get over the stares and comments. its WAY worse to be a blackwoman w/ a white man. society expects brothas to get whitegirls even tho many whites/sistas feel some awful kinda way about it, its still socially accepted.
i've had random men buy me drinks and tell me i don't have to settle for the samoan, i've watched people stare at me my whole meal, i had one rich older white man assume i was a classy call girl and ask if he could have me for a week..... i got stories for days son! ultimately, do you,but please don't forsake the sistas cuz there are SO many out there that need a gr8 man....

KiwiMami · 5 months ago

I truly hope your not serious. I will look at you so differently if you r serious. You always seem like a Black Urban Lover Advocate and its okay to be curious but what u just said was kinda stupid.u

I am sorry Xilla I love you & this blog, but dont go pissing off all you female readers. Its bad enough there is a recession for men and here you go making the pool more shallower...

Like I tell most of you men who say the same thing about crossing the race line...when it comes to "black girls & their attitudes"...not every black girl has one. Not every black girl have them same attributes and if you keep pursuing the same type of female with the same qualities then you are going to keep that "sterotype" alive.

I can advocate and say that yes I do have my moments, but thats WOMEN in general. Especially if they have a period every month no matter what race, religion, hair color, whatever every women will have a MOMENT!

If you doing stuff for attention or an ego boost then I am really disappointed in you. You have other things that can boost your ego, and a white women should be the one giving you that extra esteem!

N3SSBABY19 · 5 months ago

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHERE YOUR COMING FROM
I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST INTERRACIAL DATING,MARRIAGE OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT
MY MOTHER COMES FROM A WESTINDIAN MOTHER AND WHITE ISRAELI
FATHER AND THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE FAMILY WE CONSISTS OF MANY SHADES OF WHITE AND BLACK
I FEEL BLACK WOMEN THINK THEY ARE THE ONLY FEMALES THAT COULD GIVE A BLACK MAN EVERYTHING HE NEEDS LIKE THEY POSSESS THINGS THAT NO OTHER FEMALE FROM ANOTHER RACE COULD GIVE
I UNDERSTAND ABOUT BACK "IN DA DAYS" AND HOW BLACK WOMAN WHERE THE BACKBONES TO THE FAMILY AND HELPED STRENGTHEN BLACK MAN DURING THOSE DIFFICULT TIMES
BUT TIMES HAVE CHANGED THIS WORLD IS A MELTING POT OF DIFFERENT RACES, NATIONALITIES, CULTURES, AND TRADITIONS
SO I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH DATING OUTSIDE YOUR RACE
LOVE IS LOVE IT NEVER HAS A COLOR TO IT

amber · 5 months ago

I think people's problems come from when one race is entirely excluded from the dating pool and another is heralded as the next messiah coming...or when it seems more of a deliberate and methodical move instead of "oh this person is feeling me and i'm feeling this person and they just happen to be of a different race" kind of thing

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

There are certain white girls that i don't want and i wouldn't date. I'm shallow. I dont want a fat white chick i don't want one who acts black. I want a pure bred white girl. And any attention I get will be a benefit. Hell I loved the attention i got when i was with you at the jeezy shoot. Your pretty nice lipped green eyed self had the hoes and the niggas watching! So that's more of what it is babes. I like attention and if I gotta choose between 2 chicks imma choose the one who brings me the most attention.

ThoneyGsweet · 5 months ago

wow. feelin' some kinda way...again thank you for reinforcing the whole light is right thing...its sad how men can't get attention for being w/ a beautiful brown girl with her darker features... :(

DUCK! sombody just shot the last o' da brohethans!

QuestN · 5 months ago

yeah lets not date black folks no more....
lets make it a point

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

I don't know about that.. who ever says that needs to jump off of a bridge.

Iamtherealest · 5 months ago

You may want to be careful, because as that old saying goes once you go in that direction you are officially black balled from the sistahs. Most of the dudes in Hollywood that go that route will continue to stay that route because the truth is if we didn't want you before hand and you went that route we definitely won't accept you or want you then. You have to understand the spiritual principles behind something like that. Don't believe me just look at ever famous black man that got with a white woman and look what happened to them or how they turned out. Look with a different set of eyes before responding back.

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

I see where you're coming from and you're comment lives up to your name as one of the realest. My thing is i think it's us as black folks who are the ones who don't want to mix... or we just don't because they dont... i'm not sure what it is... but i know it's still a lot of stigmatism with dating outside of ones race and i dont' know why. your comment helped a little but i don't understand it.

ThoneyGsweet · 5 months ago

sistas are salty about brothas w/snowbunny's because we ARE/know a downright TRILL great sista thas lonely and could benefit from a brotha not going that route. we're salty cuz brothas have optionswhile we scrap up over leftovers.

whites aren't comfortable due to historical reasons. a brotha no matter what boils down to a larger menacing peen set to penetrate their most precious gift. since SO MANY brothas are w/othas, they've come to grin and bear it, but BELIVE that in the end their siding w/ their own skin....

society expectssistas to betacky and classless and lonely. bitter and angry before they snap up a whiteboy. sistas are always the least desired of all the races of women in the media, and as a mixed sista, i've been urged to wet my hair and dumb it down just to get a date.[maybe possibly] when a whiteguy shows more than a fleeting curious interest i catch ROYAL hell from all parties concerned. my peers, his peers, my family, coworkers etc. "u know he can't do it like a nigga girl.....how did u meet Chistian? he really likes u or just wanna hump? he must be paid huh? sweetheart u ain' gotta do that....u cute just pray on the Lawd's favor and wait fa dat nigga to be yo babydaddy and nothin more[emphasis mine]

it all boils down to lonliness and being excluded or made to feel less than...when u dip outside ur box its like poopin on ur racial peers.

Oh · 5 months ago

did you read what you wrote?

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

nope i sure didn't... didn't have time to.. i will before the day is up though... honestly i just landed and it's a miricle i even posted a blog today. thanks though for your concern....

EbonyLolita · 5 months ago

The fact that you said that you liked the attention already shows that your anotha brotha that's dating a white woman for "not so righteous reasons." It sounded like the attention you got was negative but you seem enthralled by it, just to have this "white woman" on your arm.

Now, this is why sistas aren't fans of interracial dating. I wouldn't want to be some "white mans" experiment or Slave Project for a nite or years down the line. I don't believe that white women should be subjected to the same waste of time either. Funny, I overheard white co-worker telling her other white friend her theory about dating black men. She said, "I know a lot of black men date me bc they think that I'm better then black women. I know that Im just as good as any woman that's out there. But, in the balance of power I know my status as a white women outweighs his status as a black man."

Using ppl is a waste of time and doesn't cause anything except for resentment and anger. If you hold out for quality it might be lonely but when you get it it will be the best feeling in the world. With all the theories out there on Black Men not being available for Black Women I choose to hold out for greatness from a Black Men. I refuse to date white just b/c stats are against me. I want a Black Man to stand w/me at the head of our household. A white man ain't gone cut it!

Unfortunately you black men are jumping ship for "White/Asians & Other" *shrugs* maybe I'll try out Dominicans but to me they're Black too :)
Good luck Xilla but sounds like your the Capt. in the sinking ship.

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

I mean I’ve had sister’s who looked way better, but I never experienced anything like this before. It was almost like a high. I sat here and read comment after comment of sister’s wanting to date white men, but I can’t help but feel like I’ll get flack for trying to date a white woman. The woman I went out with was just a friend

Your anger has clouded your eyes and judgement. Which it does whenever you actually comment i find them to be negative almost exclusively. what i said was above... The woman i went out with was just a friend... nothing more. I haven't ever dated a white women but i have thought about it... I said to the boat load of women who were sick of brothers but get super upset when a Black man even thinks about it... it sort of proves my whole point does it not!

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

ok i didn't read your full comment until after i typed my prev comment but still... you are a little mad... i can't lie, the attention was awesome its like driving in an aston Martin. getting out of a limo or being on the red carpet with camera's flashing and taking pictures of you... it was a good feelings.

It was on par to when i took out a video vixen or when i was with the RnB singer. It's a great feeling. It's taboo, and to not add the way a person makes you feel inside to the equation of whether you be with them or not, doesn't make sense to me. but it is also a fact that a white person's status does out weigh a black person's status in this country. Obama is just as famous as Hillary clinton... Hillary is way more important and famous than condi... and thy held the same position.. it's just the nature of the beast of America... I think if we as black people wanted to interact more... things would be a bit different.

Ms.310 · 5 months ago

*starts humming Ego* Again with the trophy like status! This is going to sound hella cocky but oh well...I get that awesome attention when I'm by myself LOL! I really hope you don't think that you need a certain type/race of woman to get attention. I kind of get what you're saying, but it still sounds like putting another race on a pedestal.

EbonyLolita · 5 months ago

LOL @ Ms.310 I think we might be on the same page. I just type 10 paragraphs more. *teehee*

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

no i dont at all i noticed that the attention was mostly negative from people who have preconcieved notions about dating outside of ones race... i'm not leaving my sisters... i just officially open the door to dating other women beside only black women which is what i have done prior.

Reesy · 5 months ago

wow i thought it was natural to mix these days; didn't think there would be so many close-minded people who would take it personal...

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

what reesy said.

EbonyLolita · 5 months ago

Mad, no hon neva mad. Ppl's lives are theirs to live. What I am is straight to the point. I've expressed my opinion and you've expressed yours. Spoken words are easier to understand then the written ones b/c I'm far from mad. I just let ya know where I stand on my personal idea on interracial dating for myself and the opinions of a few ppl that I've come in contact with. *shrugs* I can't stop you from dating white/other just like I can't stop anybody else. It's just not for me and I feel that I've thoroughly explained why.

TKH · 5 months ago

I can't lie; I do get irritated when I see a black man with any other woman other that a black woman because there aren't enough eligible black men to go around. A black man can have his pick of any black woman he chooses. My guess is you haven't found the right one yet. Keep looking and lets keep it black. *holds up fist*

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

LMAO see thank you for being honest... i can't lie i get pissed when i see a black girl with a white man... it turns my stomach a little bit.. i will not front!! lol Just does... but i have no problem with a black guy with a white girl. I don't even like watching a white guy bang a black chick in porn! lol

what? · 5 months ago

"I don't even like watching a white guy bang a black chick in porn! " see? but we as black women are supposed to suck it up and deal with it? I don't think black men have as much an issue with interracial dating as black women do because we seldom date outside our race. If the rolls were reversed black men would have the same attitudes as we do about it.

TKH · 5 months ago

Cosign!!! If there were a shortage of black women then black men would be all up in arms... but as it stands (black man shortage) black women can only suck our teeth and give the side eye (i know i do) to express our sincere and legitimate frustration. Lets keep it black please. also nothing against my pink booty sisters just leave my black men alone.

hottztight · 5 months ago

its not that there are not enough black men to go around they probably just dont want you because you are fat and ugly........

what? · 5 months ago

I see we have an offended white girl in the house...wrong site honey...take that shit to Perez, or TMZ...with ur wack ass.

ThoneyGsweet · 5 months ago

u betta SAY DAT! seriously i cosign EVERYTHING U SAID! str8 up!

sara · 5 months ago

and since when do we chose who we fall in love with? that's just a very silly & immature attitude, like we go into a supermarket and pick who we like the look of off a shelf. love & attraction just happens, and if it's real it has nothing to do with colour or other attributes.

Yuppp · 5 months ago

niggas seem to stay around other races more than black chicks do
And for the same reasons
&
There will always be a token black in a with a group of black folks

Honest Dude · 5 months ago

Xilla...i don't think it's you dating outside of your race that's getting the negative feedback...it's the fact it sounds like a calculated move as opposed to just a natural attraction to a woman. It's one thing to be like "I met a chick who's cool, easy on the eyes, felt good to talk to...and oh yeah, she's white". But it's another to be like "Yo, I'm about to step out and date white chicks because i think they're a, b and c and sistas are x, y, z...etc." When you start generalizing and stereotyping to justify going one way or the other, that's dangerous.

I'm a black dude and my take on it is, this: a large part of attraction is being able to relate to the other person. If you have more in common and can relate more to a chick who happens to be white, then cool. Do you. As for me, I've vibed best with black women so naturally, that's where my interest and attraction has always leaned. If your curiosity is stronger than your ability to relate to them...then you're probably in it for all the wrong reasons.

That movie "Something New" brought up a lot of good points. In the end, who are you more comfortable with? That's where the longevity's gonna be. Check it out if you haven't.

mahogany · 5 months ago

I agree! Good comment

maymajesty · 5 months ago

Well said *hand claps*

ThoneyGsweet · 5 months ago

YES! YES! OOOOHHH YES! p.s. whiteboy usually paints my toes too!

blueenigma · 5 months ago

In terms of the integration issue, perhaps you could look at it another way. In your example, you frequently observe groups of white boys in black clubs, yet in white clubs, Blacks tend to be few, and are scattered among white groups. The argument could be made that integration resistance is coming from the White side; the groups of white boys you referred to do not have any black members in their group; their attraction to Black clubs may have more to do with what Black bars/clubs have to offer in terms of atmosphere, music, joviality, more than any real desire to integrate. The fact that they remain fragmented from Blacks, even in a Black setting, is telling. Yes, they like the scene, but actually welcoming Blacks into the nucleus of their friendship is still a pending matter. And the fact that they come in large groups perhaps speaks to their sense of security. It is no secret that Blacks are seen as violent and predatory to many White people, whether actual or perceived. Just stand close to a White person on the bus or a department store line and witness a purse get choked to death. This is a pervasive phenomenon! Conversely, the few black in the white bars/clubs are at least an attempt at integration on our part. Although our numbers are few, we are among a racial mix (bet you didn’t see that with the White boys in the Black clubs did you??). Granted, we are not in large groups in white scenes, and this issue may have more to do with the scarcity of Blacks being “accepted” into predominantly white social groups. My personal impression is that it is exponentially more difficult for Black acceptance into White social groups than the reverse. So before you go off thinking White folks are all embracing, altruistic, touchy feely persons, and Blacks are, well, kinda suspect, realize that we ALL have the capacity to embrace. However, some groups have the luxury of picking and choosing, while other groups must for an admittance stamp. Love ya. Blue.

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

Interesting point... now i wrote this not to talk to white people... because not a lot of them read my blog... they make up less than 5% of my readers. So I didn't write this for them.. but you make a very interesting point... very interesting point.

maymajesty · 5 months ago

Good job, Blue! Well put.

ThoneyGsweet · 5 months ago

So before you go off thinking White folks are all embracing, altruistic, touchy feely persons, and Blacks are, well, kinda suspect, realize that we ALL have the capacity to embrace. However, some groups have the luxury of picking and choosing, while other groups must for an admittance stamp. Love ya. Blue.


REAL SHIT RIGHT THEA! seriously! h5 or somethin!

shannon · 5 months ago

The problem in your entire article is not that you wanna like someone just for liking some one you wanna like her cause she's white...the whole you enjoyed the center of attention comment..if you like attention so much write a blog and become semi-famous for it.....OMG you've already done that and yet and still your ready to be a whore for propananda....wow. Not enough attention for you yet? Two im so sick of this black woman = attitude, lip, blank stare yada yada bs, and the white (whom you've never really dated = generous and interested in you. Negro please Ive been on this site for a while and there have been plenty of times when you have purged your soul and admitted to being an asswhole/or just hoe...in your relationships with said black women....so either you gave a black woman(whom your were supposed to be in a relationship with) a reason to have attitude oppose to the white women( you have not been in a relationship with) no reason to become cross with you. And there are generous fun loving interested in you black woman out their, just maybe when it comes to the dark skinned choice of women you choose bitches....and maybe that says more about you than it does about them!

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

lol i am an asshole sometimes... there were times when i was an ass to the white girl. About the attention. I like attention it's a part of me. I can't help it. but before you say anything let me say this.. do you know you? Do you know what you like what you need and what you want? and most importantly who you are? I am not perfect, far from it... But i also say I've been with black chicks who were much better than my FRIEND!! which i think a lot of you all are missing... i'm not dating anyone.. shorty is just a friend. and i got stares and hate... maybe i just didn't write the blog as well as i wanted to write it... but i still think people are proving my point...

Nicole · 5 months ago

I don't think that there is anything wrong with dating outside of your race, I have several times as well. But what I found offensive was the fact that you felt as though you were with a "prize", that somehow being with a white woman was an achievement. You stated that this woman treated you well just like some black women that you've dated but you go on to say "Don’t get me wrong I had sister’s do these thing as well, but something was different about this one." Was the difference? her race?

Well if you prefer to date someone white then say that, but don't make it look like black women are the problem or that white women are somehow more "special" than we are. I had a black male friend complain to me that sisters were often mean and rude and I explained to him that perhaps he was meeting the wrong sisters. There are many classy, educated, kind, loving, well reading black women out there - but you won't find them in the bar/club. Try meeting women other places & look at them individually not as black or white. You might be pleasantly surprised that not all of us are negative sterotypes.

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

I don't think she was a prize. She was a friend. The attention for me was a prize if anything. But I'm shallow. I would have loved the attention if it was a black girl, purple gurl or a rican with half of her head shaved. I like it. and again i dont think it's a matter of preference i just think its a matter of me opening the door.

luvlykey · 5 months ago

I don't really understand why it matters what race someone is. To me, as long as there's a mutual respect for not only each other, but each person's differences as well, it shouldn't matter. Love is love no matter if the person was all the colors of the rainbow. It kills me that our black women get so pissed about black men dating someone other than them. If you ask me, the truth is that they feel like they've lost something because they're single and here comes a white or "other" woman with "their" man. Ladies let's be real, if it was you dating a white man you wouldn't think anything of it.

Society has us thinking that if it ain't exactly what you are, then it's something wrong with it. Everyone needs to get over themselves and their stereotypical way of thinking. It's a new day, has been for a while. There are strong white and other men as well, it's not just black men. There are polite, nice black women who would just as readily pick up a check. There are also a lot of white and "other" chicks that have bad attitudes. It's all about your choice and what works for you. In the end, Love is Love is Love...and the foundation of that is respect.

J Ghekko · 5 months ago

Good job.....you are one of the enlightened or on your way there. Most people in this society are still stuck in the dark ages mentally, the concepts you speak of are beyond their understanding. Black people are so stuck in the "black world" that they fail to see that we live in a world made of many worlds. Black men dont owe black women anything, and vice versa. Nobody owns anyone. In fact race is all a perspective, its not even real, we give it a reality and society re-enforces this perspective. BLogxilla the only mistake you made was calling yourself a black man and your lady friend a white woman. The only truth is the fact that you are a man and she is a woman everything else is perspective. Live life freely, openly, and unapologetically.

luvlykey · 5 months ago

Thank you very much. I totally agree that not only blacks but people
in general still live in the dark. This world is full of color and
you're right, no one owes anybody anything. Everyone needs to figure
out how to coexist and make decisions for themselves. It seems as
though most people feel the way they feel because that's how they're
"supposed" to feel and act.

Just Wondering · 5 months ago

You know what Blogxilla? Thanks for sharing your opinion on this subject. Like you stated earlier, you tried to avoid this subject but you decided to blog about it anyway. And I'm sure you knew the type of responses you would get. So thanks for blogging about this and risking "pissing off some of your female readers". I really think if you liked the person, White, Black, Asian, Green, Purple, just date them. I agree with you; sometimes people are against interracial dating just because they don't want to mix, so when they see one, they frown upon it. Most of the commenters here who are saying they don't agree with you and they'll be mad or disappointed if you dated a non-Black girl , really need to figure out why THEY THEMSELVES would be so bothered by it because I really don't think it's about dating someone to make yourself look or feel good based on their race anymore. I think it's being closed minded and not open to new things. It's silly to accuse and make assumptions about a man based on his dating preference.

Blacksand · 5 months ago

There is nothing wrong with dating outside of your race. It is whatever makes you happy. Life is too short not to be happy. If she does it for you and just happens to be white be happy. If she does it for you and happens to be Latina, Filipino, Indian, French or Greek it does not matter as long as she makes you happy.

I speak three languages. I have lived on the west coast and the east coast. Variety is the spice of life. And I like my food spicy. Color is irrelevant. If she makes you happy, she makes you happy. That is what I think. Peace & Blessings

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

I agree Blacksand. I've dated white and black men and had good and bad experiences with both. I refuse to live in someone else's reality. Variety IS the spice of life! I can't wait for the day when we appreciate each other for our differences and really embrace that.

We, humans, have been so force fed the belief that we should look sideways at someone for being different that we miss out on the good things about each other. Its' really a shame. I am thankful that I have the mix of cultures and nationalities around me that make up my friends and family.

OPEN YOUR MIND PEOPLE!!

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

Oh and if you're in the Sacramento area on Sept. 6th come out to McClatchey Park for Hip Hop 4 the Homeless. Help support local artists, musicians and fashion designers and well as helping a great cause!

mahogany · 5 months ago

how much does it cost?

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

It's free to the public. There will be food/merchandise vendors (hopefully more than we have now lol :) so those things will have a cost.

mahogany · 5 months ago

Awesome! I'll let my friends know about this event!



I'm glad the donations are going to Sac. Food Bank.....There is SOOOO many homeless people in Sac. You know it's bad when OPRAH sends her cameras to Sac.

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

Yes! It's really out of control but hopefully we can raise enough to make at least a small difference. I need volunteers too! so if you have free time get at me...I'm on Myspace...

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

We will be taking donations though! The proceeds will go to Sacramento Food Bank and the Always Knocking org.

Blacksand · 5 months ago

Hey, I didn't know you were on the west coast. I used to live and still have family and friends in San Diego. If I can finish my fiscal year close out and have 3 out 5 of my major maintenace contracts submitted I will take a week and enjoy the festivities. Are you performing or just promotong a good time to be had by all?

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

Cool I hope you can make it. I'm helping to plan and promote the (taking volunteers all day lol) festival. I'm still working up the courage to read some of my pieces at the event. I'm such a wuss! But my partners really want me to so I probably will.

Blacksand · 5 months ago

I'm going to try. You should share your pieces. I'll bet you will be amazed at how everyone responds to your work. Your partners would not lie to you. Plus with a smile so inviting, they will love your stuff!!

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

Aww thanks!

Blacksand · 5 months ago

Good morning MissBeasley, I'm glad you agree with me. You said it all. Like you I am glad I was exposed to so many different cultures growing up. It truly is a beautiful thing. Like you, I can't wait either. Bug hug from me to you!! have a good day!!

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

Big hug back ;)

Cutie · 5 months ago

Do YOU Xilla!! I have dated a white man & I LOVED every minute of it!!

Although, I am not with you talking about taking someone out on a date but expect them to pay their half.. Sounds LAME as HELL to me..

Genius · 5 months ago

Your last line about us and segregation is dead on. On many occassions I'v noticed that white people are comfortable coming to "black events" concerts, bars/clubs what-have-you w/ absolutely no problems. Yet, us as blacks will only step foot at a "white event" only if accompanied by white friends. Yes, maybe WE truley don't want integration.

Great article Blogxilla. Extremely insightful.

Loving Life and Love · 5 months ago

1. Its a historical issue that began with slavery. White people did everything in their power to inflict self-hate upon slaves. They stated that White is right and pure but black is lowly, evil, and negative.
2. Slavery demolished the possibly of their being the same form of "family" in the black households as in the white households. During slavery, men were sold away from their wives and their children. The women had to be independent and hardworking while taking care and providing for their families.
3. We all know that slavery also emasculated black men in so many ways.
And as I've read in so many comments, Black men are still considered to be at the bottom of the social chain of status. My theory is that during slavery, white men were intimidated by the strength of their Black male slaves so they did everything in their power to keep them below them. Today we still see the same thing, Black boys are neglected by teachers in inner city schools, they aren't encouraged to get degrees, then they're refused corporate jobs. That leads to another issue where the Black man becomes intimidated by a Black woman's success.
As an African American Studies Minor, my issue with interracial dating is the deep rooted problems that it perpetuates in the black community. Black men refuse to realize that Black women are as strong as they are because historically, we've had to be. Black men are still absent in Black homes today and it started during the era of slavery. Many Black men have really never known what it was like to be the head of the household and so many people attest to this when they express that their mothers raised them and held down their families. This brings me back to Black women having to be strong. Black men complain about Black women's attitudes but they accept and appreciate their mother's who I'm sure for the most part had the same attitudes. White women were raised differently. This is historic. They were raised to take a back seat to their husbands and be a submissive supporter. Think of the type of family structure portrayed within most White homes. They were raised to be dainty and not express their opinions to their husbands. And for my disclaimer I'm not saying that any of this is right or wrong, I fully admitt that most of what I've mentioned is problematic. In my opinion from an educated point of view as well what I've viewed socially, what I've said is true.

Now, all that leads to this. Black men dating wite women when they reach positions of power or status because the thought that White is status has been branded into their brains for centuries. I grew up in Utah where Black people make up less than 1% of the population. That means I was 1 of 5 black students in all of my schools. At my university, there were only about 200 black students out of almost 40,000 students total. At least 100 of those Black students were athletes. From my experience in growing up in an area that is prodominately white, all of the Black men I knew were dating White women for the wrong reasons.

Thats where I begin to have an issue with interracial dating because it seems too many Black men are using women of other races, not dating them for love. Every Black men I've known to date outside their race has stated that they date other girls because they're easy and they give them every and anything they want. I've seen girls of other races seriously bend over backwards to catch and keep a black man. I guess to them they're a prize also...But I've also heard White women say they date Black men because many of them are bad boys, sexually endowed, it pisses off their parents, and also because many of them are star athletes and that has them set for life.

When a man says he doesn't want to deal with a Black girl because of her attitude, to me it says he's weak. If a female is just stank then thats just her but as someone pointed out all women have some form of an attitude not just Black women.
I know this is an essay lmao but it really is an issue and I just came across your blog today and I was with you on the females going gay post but a lot of what you said in this post raised red flags with me...I am a strong, successful black woman and it honestly upsets me to see the Black family structure threatened in the way that it is now but I don't think I could ever give up on Black men because the good one's are my kings! Luckily my boo matches my swag and I won't have to worry about that anytime soon. Anyways be blessed.

JMK · 5 months ago

OK I have a lot of issues with this post. First and foremost is that people who trace EVERYTHING back to slavery have a lack of understanding. We are 6 to 7 generations removed from this issue, 2 generations moved past the Civil Rights movement. Whenever a question about race issues comes up someone always pulls the slavery card. Yes it was horrible, yes it hurt family and race relations but almost 200 years later things have changed greatly. Seriously everytime you are in a skyscrapper do u make reference to the 9/11 attacks? I understand the importance of history as a history major myself, but it is to reflect upon not relate and dwell upon.

The strength of the black female is something that is great. I believe many black men date black women because of this! There are many white women that are just as strong as a black women. Yes history shows white women as submissive, but again that is HISTORY... today there are many women black and white that are the bread owners for their family. There are women in positions superior to most men... to make the strength vs. submissive argument in 2009, is like saying the Irish are hard workers and only need alcohol as their pay!

Lats is the idea why black men date white women and vice versa. If you want to make HISTORICAL references I do not get how you can say that the white women is easy... throughout history it has been perceived that black women are more loose then others. To argue this is just showing you are only using historical facts to argue YOUR OPINION. Then the fact that they date them because they give them anything and everything they want you negate by arguing white women dating athletes.... hell last time I checked most pro athletes spoil their signifigant other, ot the opposite. In addition with this pro athlete argument, there are about 2,500 pro athletes... seriously you think all white women flock to them? Hell throw rappers in, now you got 3000, but yet most white women can not get access to these stars... to me this is just utter BS. Then to throw in the fact that white women date black men cause they are well endowed??? Seriously why not pull more stereotypes out of the hat. Most women that are sleeping with someone for and only because of their size are not dating them... hell they are the ones sleeping with everyone just to see the size.

If you really are educated as you say I really feel sorry that you have been taught this way. It is justifications and references like this that make the struggles of race relations still relevant today. Seriously step out of the box and look at the world for as it is, not as it was... don't draw on stereotypes... these are the first two things any educated person should know! All I can say is with that twisted mind set good luck in life, but in reality I hope you don't pass your judgements and beliefs upon a future generation.

lola2317 · 5 months ago

Xilla, Xilla, Xilla....

All the *side eye* that you're getting for this post...

You should date a Hispanic/Latin women, I hear we're great lovers too ;) hehe...

But aside all that, GO FOR IT!!! One thing you have to learn, and you probably already did, is that you will never be able to please anyone whether it'd be female OR male there will always be something that the other person will always give you grief about. Learn how to please and satisfy Number One, which is You.

XoXo,

Lola

tezama · 5 months ago

I'M NOT REALLY FEELING THE WHOLE WHITE GIRL THING. I PERSONALLY HAVEN'T SEEN A WHITE GIRL WHO WASN'T FAMOUS THAT I FOUND ATTRACTIVE. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DATE WHO YOU WANT WHEN YOU WANT. IT'S YOUR LIFE. IF SOMEONE GIVES YOU SHIT ABOUT IT I SAY FUCK EM' LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK.

taut_7 · 5 months ago

do your thing pimpin. i really don't like when people try to dictate who other people date. if you are happy you with you are with then who am i to pass judgment? personally i don't think i would ever make that leap. i don't think i could have a serious relationship with a white woman. i think i could date a latina but that would be as far as i would go. but like i said do your thing.

ALMiss · 5 months ago

I wasn't even gonna comment on this post, but after reading some of the comments, I just had to. I'm not gonna even lie, sometimes seeing a black man out with any woman other than a black woman really gets under my skin. Same thing for a black woman out with any man other than a black man. But I'm NOT gonna sit there and hate on them the whole time, I got better things to do with my time. The only reason it bothers me is because it makes me think that your own kind isn't good enough for you. I do understand, however, that some people who switch sides have had nothing but bad experiences with people of their own race, but some do flaunt another race on their arm for some type of attention or praise from their peers.

Black men dating women of other races are more likely to be socially accepted than black women doing the same thing...for some reason, it's just like that. I just say "To each his (or her) own." I will be honest and say that I, too, have thought about dating outside my race, but I really don't think I could ever do it and be serious about it. Just like MANY others, I just wanted to see what it was like...I wouldn't let an "experiment" go all the way to being in love, like some people I know have...

PrtyYungThing · 5 months ago

See when people do it as an experiment that's bad b/c it could possibly play with some emotions. And if it did lead to falling in love..what's so wrong about that? Evidentally it's the person u love and not the color...who cares about the color. People shouldn't feel as tho it's not because their "kind" is good enough, it should just be b/c that's who they love. One of my best friends is white and she happens to date black men more just because that's her preference...I couldn't see myself getting mad at her boyfriend who is black because he likes her...she's a great person so why not?? It's only a problem when people start dating another race because of stereotypes

ALMiss · 5 months ago

"And if it did lead to falling in love..what's so wrong about that?"

Sorry I didn't make it clear, but I meant when only one of the people involved is in love. Meaning that if you're just dating the person because of their race and they start catching feelings and fall in love with you, but you don't feel the same about them at all, then that's when it's wrong.

ALMiss · 5 months ago

Oh, and I meant to add...Xilla, if you're gonna date a white woman, date one with class and beauty lol. I cannot tell you how many brothers I've seen around town with some of the most tore up white women! But I know you know better. :) Do you!

bogart4017 · 5 months ago

I've heard all these arguments before and they all amount to the same thing. You werent the least bit interested in the brother but you don't want the white girl to be interested in him either. What kind of foolishness is that?

erica · 5 months ago

i agree with u, date who u want. more power to u. i've read ALL of the comments up until yours and the problem isnt Xilla dating outside his race, its more so how he put the white woman on a pedestal. Xilla u know i love your blog. when i'm up to it i always comment. but i did get that feeling u were praising the white woman for doing something that u yourself said black woman have done before.
in all honesty im not mad at u for being curious. and if something great comes from your curiousty then great. but i dont think its cool for u to generalize black woman. u know darn well all black women arent like that. like the other post said ALL woman have moments. and in my lifetime most white chicks i've run across (im only 23) believe in that LIE that black men are sex gods. not true. they generalize black men.

so black men want white women b/c they are more generous, no attitudes, and pay for things (HA!). white women want black men b/c they're sex gods (HA HA HA!) funny stuff people....think about it

new2this · 5 months ago

I was just having this conversation the other day:

(1) Sometimes (in my case), when Black men come around with their white gf's or s.o.'s, it seems as though they are staring at me trying to see if I am staring at them (and they give off some serious eye, too; like they're just waiting for me to say something)...could it have been that you were looking at them crazy FIRST and they returned the favor (lol)

(2) Where I'm from (DC), it seems as though many of the black men with white women date some of the most unattractive, sloppy-fat (as opposed to "carrying the weight better"), loudest, "ghetto" ones that are offered, but I think they think these girls are pushovers (I beg to differ listening to their bus conversations in the mornings)...so much for your theory that "they" are the anti-sistahs (for lack of better way to phrase it).

(3) On your anti-integration question, I believe it is just the opposite. Everybody wants to be "black" and embrace our culture, but they don't really want to fvck with "us" like that, while blacks have more opened minds and are willing to try new things more often than not. The large groups of whites in a club full of blacks to me is like bringing all your bffs to an office get-together, you're there for the fun, not to mingle.

(4) On the date tip, I was scared as hell when I did it, but I dated a white guy (my first real boyfriend) when I was 18. We broke up three months later (something dumb). We're older (this was four years ago) and throughout that time, he only dated black girls (he hated white girls... he has underlying issues with his mom), but he recently met the one white girl that he wanted to marry (she is 1/4 Hispanic) and he did. So, as long as you are not being closed-minded (which I don't feel you are), I say go for it! (Just don't think that ppl are looking at you all the time b/c it may be your mind playing tricks on you).

HeadMistress · 5 months ago

Date whomever you want Xilla, just let it be because there is true common interest, true attraction, and mutual respect - skin color has nothing to do with those most important things - it's should never be a primary or secondary reason...if skin color can be explained by anything other than "it just so happens that she's ...." then there are some wrong reasonings present

As far as the people who date outside of their race for the wrong reasons no one should really have a problem with them because they're the ones you don't want or need to be with anyway so let the likeminded idiots of the next race have 'em!

N3SSBABY19 · 5 months ago

I HAD TO COMMENT AGAIN BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO READ EVERYONE'S COMMENTS
I DON'T GET WHY SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ARE TAKING WHAT BLOGXILLA SAID TO HEART
ITS HIS LIFE
IF HE WANTS TO DATE A WHITE,PURPLE,GREEN. WHATEVER PERSON THAT'S HIS DECISION NO ONE ELSE'S
I WANT TO KNOW WHY PEOPLE GET SO EMOTIONAL ON HOW SOMEONE ELSE LEADS THEIR LIVES AND HANDLES THEIR BUSINESS
I SEE THAT IN 2009 EXACTLY 44 YEARS AFTER THE CIVIL RIGHTS ACT OF 1965 MUCH HAS NOT CHANGED
AS OUR GRANDPARENTS AND GREAT GRANDPARENTS FOUGHT FOR THEIR RIGHTS THEY ALSO FOUGHT TO MARRY WHO EVER THEY WANTED (LIKE MY GRANDFATHER AND GRANDMOTHER), AND NOT BE SUBJECTED TO STEREOTYPICAL AND IGNORANT COMMENTS AND VIEWS SUCH AS THESE THAT ARE BEING DISPLAYED TODAY
IGNORANCE IS BLISS I SEE AND PEOPLE LIKE TO DWELL ON THE PAST AND NOT MOVE ON PROGRESSIVELY TOWARDS THE FUTURE
I LOVE EVERYONE DESPITE WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ANCESTORS YOU LEARN TO LIVE AND LET GO
AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE
AND AS A SIDE NOTE HALF OF THE BLACK WOMAN SAYING WHY HE IS DOING THIS THAT AND THE THIRD MAYBE YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE YOUR OWN LIFE AND TAKE A LIL GANDER ON WHY YOUR ASS HAVEN'T FIND A DESCENT BLACK MAN AND STOP HATING ON THE DESCENT BLACK MAN THAT CHOOSE NOT TO DATE YOUR ASS AND FOUND LOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE
(AND JUST BECAUSE A BLACK MAN DATES OUTSIDE HIS RACE DOESN'T MAKE HIM A SELL OUT THAT'S ONLY A SELECTED FEW)

DaRuler · 5 months ago

come down south and go to a black club and you might see about 4-5 white people with their black friends. years down the road though you won't be able to tell what people are, it will be just one melting pot.

shebaddd · 5 months ago

well... i honestly can say i have no problem with interracial dating-i only have a problem when black guys CHANGE their PREFERENCE because they think all black girls give "attitude" and "lip".

p.s. i have dated a white guy and a puerto rican and BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY " They Can Be Clingy"!!! its awful breaking up with them...they just cant let the shit go lol
no offense to anyone

do you · 5 months ago

Notice how you said sistas "wanting to date white men"? But does it actually happen? No. Ever wonder how much flack black women get for dating white men? ALOT. Much more than men get. At this point, its practically acceptable/damn near the norm to see a black man w/a white woman.

Qrazy · 5 months ago

I am dating a white man...

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

I've dated a couple of white men. I got a couple lil comments from some homegirls but I wasn't thinking about what they said and told them as much. We laughed and that was that. It's only a big deal to those that make it a big deal.

Shanae · 5 months ago

I understand your desire to date outside your race, I think everyone should do it - it's a great way to learn about yourself. My biggest problem with interracial dating is a lot of people doing the interracial dating still seem to acknowledge skin color, like you do when you write: "I can’t lie, with all the extra attention I was getting from having a snow bunny on my arm it felt good. I mean I’ve had sister’s who looked way better, but I never experienced anything like this before. It was almost like a high." Interracial dating cannot work, integration rather, cannot work if we still see skin color. If you expect an interracial relationship to work, you have to be so into that person that you don't see their skin color at all, you have to see that person as just a person and not as white or black or yellow.

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

I agree Shanae...I think this applies to anyone dating someone for any reason other than genuine interest. Whether it's money, status, that good D/P, or whatever. It's just not real and you're not getting to know that person and building an honest relationship.

mahogany · 5 months ago

I knew this post was going to get alot comments.

If I am seen with a man outside of my race.....some BLACK men just don't stare, they get BOLD and say something to me!(soooo rude)

I don't even care if I see a black man with a white woman....there's nothing wrong with it to me!


Also I have never JUST dated black guys...I have dated asian, latino, and so on.

xtineb · 5 months ago

I actually think black pple have a problem with interracial dating more than white pple do. Most of the time its black pple that give an interracial couple bad looks an all. I've dated a white guy before and it was only the black pple that seemed to have a problem with it. White folks were nice and friendly. I gatta ask, If Barak Obama was married to a white woman, would black pple still support him as much as they do now?

PrtyYungThing · 5 months ago

I'm from the North but I live in the South now and its reverse down here than what u say. Down here where racism is stronger, I think white people have more of an issue...at least that's what I see. At home though in Philly...it's common or more so acceptable than not.

whatever09 · 5 months ago

If Obama was married to white woman, He would never won the democratic nomination, thus be on the voting ticket. You know how Blacks do. They would had called him a sellout. Hillary would be our current President.

PrtyYungThing · 5 months ago

I have nothing against interracial dating at all..date who u like black, white or green but I don't agree with how u making black women or white women look in this blog. So black women have attitudes basically and white women are pushovers? Puh-lease. And if u went out with a white girl and she's paying for ur friends drinks and her half of the bill then that wasn't a date AT ALL. It shouldn't make a difference what color u are...respect is respect. And of course ur gonna get stares from black people and white people cuz some people are just ignorant and narrow minded but you're making it seem like white women have no back bone and black women have no sincerity.

MzVirgo · 5 months ago

Xilla, as the previous commenters wrote, do you. But make sure that you are dating for the right reasons, not because you feel that all black women have a nasty attitude, etc, etc. I personally have never dated outside of my race, and I don't cringe when I see an interracial couple. I've had white guys compliment me, but that's about as far as it went. My friend was so frustrated with black men that she said that she was going to try white men. Guess what? The white guy she dated was living in the ghetto part of Brooklyn and had some issues. All that to say that the grass is not neccessarily greener on the other side. But if you do decide to try it, don't look at color as an issue.

τreciä · 5 months ago

I must admit i used to be like what no more brothers out there for a single sister lol... Honestly i've come to my sense wasting time stressing who a brother date is a huge waste of time... really you got to do what you got to do.. i'd think its more acceptable with a brother dating outside then a sister doing so... if it was a famous sister then you'll might still feel some kind of high?
Just had a similar talk with my homeboy the other day... blk woman and all their attitude jeez...

Simbarashe · 5 months ago

I'm like a famous interracial dater. But whenever people ask me why I never had that many black girlfriends, it's this: when I was ugly, black women didn't want to have anything to do with me. When I started to grow more handsome, I wasn't black enough. When I got handsome and black enough, sistas were afraid of me because brothas who didn't know me were still cacklin. Now that I'm published with a little somethin' in the bank, it's too late.

Your last paragraph I think is really the issue with African Americans as a whole. Whites are just more ignorant these days than they are racist, but we are WAY too self conscious about shit.

Always diggin your stuff.

GB · 5 months ago

Did you hit it?

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

Hahaha you know me man.... I would never tell.

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

LOL

WillEJohnson · 5 months ago

Go on 'head. I feel you on it, the ego thing to. I love my nubian queens, but sometimes the constant belittling and confrontations can become bothersome. Stepping outside of "boundaries" can be refreshing, however of only for the right reasons. Growing up in LA interacial dating is common, but as soon as I came to Atlanta it has become scarce. I dunno if thats the large amount of opportunity or standards, but its just tradition. Men have always been able to be free and not tied down to one group. However is not the same for women, women have always been told to "keep it in the family" but many blacks today are made up of many races, and yet we are more conservative than ever. I think its time for us to remove the mental chains of segregation for all of us to progress.

BlogXilla · 5 months ago

That's my thing. Maybe I just didn't articulate it the right way... I'm almost sure I didn't but i know i said chick was my friend and I asked whose fault is it... our or theirs....

JMK · 5 months ago

OK I must admit I did not read through all the comments but glanced over many so this might have been touched upon.

It is obvious you have upset some sisters with your post. Whether it be the stereotypes thrown in or the belief that they are "losing another brother to a snow bunny" I really don't know. But you can see that obviously interracial dating while more accepted for many it is still taboo.

In addition you can also see that in the public you received the same reaction from people. Whether it be the stares etc, white people too get upset about interracial dating. (I am assuming when you were in public you receieved that reaction from all different types of people including whites.) This too solidifies the fact that for many people the idea is still taboo.

To me it is what it is... for any sister to say that they lost one man, it is just the same for the racist KKK a$$ looking at the same couple saying and calling the female a "n-word lover." To be honest it is just as bad. You are insisting you lost a member of "your race" because who THEY decie to have a relationship with. To me its the issue of gay marriage all over again... people worrying about who someone else is interested in... seriously my your own business. It is 2009, not 1940 when issues were still in hand. I understand equality is still far off, but seriously can't we as a general population let other people be happy without judging them because who they hold hands with??????

You closed with the line "This leads me to think… Maybe it’s us who are the ones who don’t want integration." But when you are saying us, I think you should be implying ANYONE that is hindering such integration.... Black, White, Latino etc... its not just one race doing it, its segments of each race doing so.

Qrazy · 5 months ago

man, eff what the others say. If that person makes you happy, then it should make everyone else happy.
We have chatted about this briefly via gchat. I have had plenty of black men tell me I am settling by dealing with a white man. They have also said that I am selling out because of what the "white man" did during slavery. If you have read my blog about my baby daddy, a black man has done direct damage to my family, and I was told over and over "give a brother another chance".
DO YOU DAWG.
No one is pure blood now a days any way.

jonsey86 · 5 months ago

I have to agree with you about the black people being more negative about race relations in general. I have this theory that people form cliques because they have this preconceived notion that everyone is against them. That seemingly makes them feel as if they have to fight back before the fight starts in a way. Then as soon as someone strays away from the fundamentals of that group, they are seen as a traitor. White people in a lot of ways are seen as the enemy to many black people, therefore any black person dating outside of their race is a traitor. Lots of black women especially have this thing about needing to be accepted by a black man because somewhere down the line they were told that black wasn't as beautiful as anything else, so of course a black man should appreciate their beauty more. I think that to these women when a black man goes for a white woman in particular it is disheartening. So, in conclusion dating outside the race has nothing to do with you, it is all about how that woman feels about herself.

jonsey86 · 5 months ago

I am not naive to the fact that everyone is racist. I'll be the first to admit that I am a racist. Let me explain what I mean by that. I acknowledge that there are different races of human being; translation, I see color. I'm just stating that there are lots of issues among black women especially when it comes to "losing" black men. Let's use Seal the singer for example. He is married to a white woman. I can remember how when he came out, everyone I knew thought he was ugly. As soon as he is with this white woman who loves him, all of a sudden its the good ones get taken? What?! I want people to be happy. I want for us to not worry about who's dating who. Unless you are in a committed relationship with that person, what business is it of yours? Even then, why should the race of that person even come into account. I don't mean to generalize all black women as I am a black woman. I just need a better understanding of why race matters so much. Especially in 2009.

jonsey86 · 5 months ago

Hey Xilla, I would be cool if you could post more about race issues from time to time. I like reading the comments. It baffles me. So much hatred based on skin coloring alone. I need people to help me see where they are coming from. This is something that is often looked over because of the heat the topic packs. Race relations is like a relationship of 5+ years being shattered by an argument. Over the years, no one talks. They just become more embittered. Then when they finally talk it out they realize that the argument was bullshit. Maybe we can converse ourselves out of this bullshit.

MissBeasley · 5 months ago

It really is bullshit.

nynikki · 5 months ago

Date who you like. The responses you'll get are all relative and will likely have nothing to do with your motives. Ex: My mom's family is very Black conscious while my dad's side worked hard to lighten up the family tree. Each side would have polar opposite responses if I started dating white men regardless of my reasons.

Also I knew a White girl whose father disowned her for having a Puerto Rican boyfriend...there's still plenty of hate on the other side of the fence.

Janee · 5 months ago

Im gonna have to suck my teeth and do an extra eye roll.. i HATE NIGGAS for this reason...i for one will roll my eyes and do an extra stare at a nigga walking in the mall or wherever with a white girl... it just irritates the hell out of me..why?... its not the fact that the chic is white, but because it is these same guys and niggas alike that will give you all the attitude in the world when you go looking else where...
Example: i decided enough is enough and have decided to take a chance dating a euro fella and a Venezuelan guy..to say that i got more than enough attention is an understatement..on the date with the European man my so called "brothas" would be as bold as to come up to us and say " ay sista, what we aint good enough no more" or something to that affect...on the date with the Venezuelan niggas would run up and do the same thing or ask if he was my suga daddy..

NOW i say if yall niggas wanna go exploring thats fine...but dont get all pissy when we go see what the other sides like...yall be more disrespectful , and im bout tired of this shit

Paul · 5 months ago

One reason why black men date outside our race is because of the lip/attitude we get from sistas. There may have been a time when a black woman said something to us that may have discouraged/pissed us off. I'm at a predominately white univ., so I have a better chance of getting dating any single white/asian/latina girl. There aren't many sistas at my school. Xilla, I don't blame any black man for dating a white woman.

MzzPeaches · 5 months ago

I have no problem with interracial dating, but It's comments like these that annoy the hell out of me! Don't generalize all black women because you have run into some with bad attitudes who give you "lip". And the whole comment about sista's being "discouraging" and saying things to "piss you off" is some bs too!

I've been in a relationship before where all did was encourage my man and try to support his dreams, an how did he repay me? by cheating on me two months before we were supposed to get married. It didn't matter to me that when he first graduated from college that he couldn't find a job, was living with his moms, and didn't have a car. I was there for him and did nothing but support his ambitions until he got on his feet. But once he did finally get it together he started "smelling himself" and did me dirty.

I could easily say I won't date black men anymore because they are "all dogs, trifling, with 2 or 3 babymamas etc" , but I don't , because its not fair to generalize all black men because of my experience with one stupid one.

If you want to date white, latina, asian, whatev, do your thing, but don't set up here and put black women down like we all have some type of universal attitude problem that prevents us from being loving, caring and supportive s.o.

Paul · 5 months ago

I NEVER said "all black women." Nor am I putting black women down. I was simply giving a reason why some black men date other races. I've dated black women before and no they did not have an attitude. But since my comment was BS, I guess a black man doesn't get respect for his opinion. I find it as a waste of time to replying to your response.

I'm done talkin. Holla!

maymajesty · 5 months ago

The only problem I have with black men when they date other races, is when they down us black women, and when they say I ONLY date whatever race it is. I live in Florida, and it is very common to see a black man w/ a white or latina woman. So, I've heard it all just about. The men I've discussed this with often refer to the long, silky hair, or getting things bought for them, or any other ridiculous excuse you can think of when it comes to the other races, but discribe the black woman is all negative. I think a woman is a woman, no matter the race. You have good and you have bad, just like men. I kind of feel like I have to take a pick of what comes to me, which sucks. I'm not really comfortable approaching a man, and the ones that I think I can muster up enough courage to approach, I find out are all attached, so no-go.

I do think we all should be a little more open minded. Hell, send me a sexy vanilla latte.

kaboom · 5 months ago

racism: hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

Why is it ok for "black women" to be racist when it comes to dating, and other women "dating their men"?

Racism across the board should be dead in 2009!! Love is LOVE!

If you're a black woman hating on an Asian, or white, or purple woman for dating "your man" ... it's still just as racist as a White person hating on a Black person.

Think about it.

216skillz · 5 months ago

Date: Yes
Get Serious: No
Is that prejudice: Absolutely

Far too many decent african american men are not in the market for their counterparts. They find the view more enticing on the other side of things. Taste it, enjoy it, but when it's time to settle down remember that you have an obligation to more than just yourself, you have one to your culture.

JMK · 5 months ago

Its sad that it is 2009 and you still have that mind set. To me I believe by dating a white women you would be doing more for your culture cause you would be opening other people's eyes that might not know anything about the culture. To use a culture argument too, what about the black man that grows up in a community where only 3 students are African American... sorry he does not know the culture. How about the white women growing up in the inner city... they would know more about culture than the rural african american. EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!!! Its views like this that allow racism and predujice to still exsist today, in both the white and black communities.

The only obligation someone has is to make themselves happy... after that they have an obligation to their family, fuck the culture... it changes over time anyway, why not be part of that change?

216skillz · 5 months ago

You speak of the exception, which is most often not the case. Take a look at how most of the women feel here posting in this thread. You fall in love with whomever you fall in love with, I am simply pointing out that many of us (black men) look at the white women as a trophy and thus the african american woman not as worthy.

Which is more telling about the man than anything else.

JMK · 5 months ago

If you are going for a white woman as a trophy you yourself have the problem. If a relationship is built on true love than in that case you should not care what other members of your race or any other race think. If you read my previous posts I find it disturbing that black women look at it as "we lost one of our own" that type of statement is just as bad as a white person calling the chcik a "n word lover." Its sad that society still has not progressed to the idea of acceptence. Isn't that the whole gay marriage dispute to? If you are in love then so be it, who am I to say, look, or disrespect u in any way. Until we as an entire society reach that point then this debate will be ended but by the looks of the thread, we are still a far far far ways off.

Lupe · 5 months ago

Yeah lets all have mutts

yummipanamena · 5 months ago

i am dating interracialy right now, My boyfriend is sri lankan(indian) and raised in england. He is a nice guy, older than me .He stopped me in the airport and didnt let me go. i was apprehensive but hey it has been great since i meet him, we met in march and spoke on the phone for 3 months before he payed my ticket to visit him in the UK. we are now in july he wants to keep going forward i love the time long distance because we had to know each other purely for the mental. So he is dark and handsome but just not black. I prefer a black man but hey who ever treats me good, plus he has the same values as me, no children and is stable (electronical engineer)

hallen · 5 months ago

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Lupe · 5 months ago

Folks just have to realize black men care less about black folks everyday now
Thats why they get a white girl have babies with them hoping shawty genes are strong as hell and that the baby look white
So the generations to come are white and more accepted
Niggaz want white or light bright babies end of discussion
They look down on you because they dont like black women period

Zan · 5 months ago

I don't necessarily agree with Xilla's motivation for wanting to date outside his race, but I'm not about to sit here and bash him because he has an opinion. Do you, Xilla, but do it for the right reasons.

Zan · 5 months ago

Okay, I didn't know this post through Twitter ish was going to post my gov't name, damn...

...oh, well...

amandaling · 5 months ago

If it wasn't for interracial dating and marriage there wouldn't be all these gorgeous mixed babies :) I say go for it!

MsJx3 · 5 months ago

My motto in life is "Love has no Color, Only me and you" ... I honestly believe you cant help who you fall in love with. My husband is white, and i am black. Ive dated other race's also, but this is whom i fell in love with. Interracial isnt just white and black people. It can be Asian and Black , Asian and German whatever! I was brought up openly, to accept all types of people ... his family loves me, and mine the same. I dont care who other people date.. to each its own. If that person makes you happy whether they are the same race as you or not then so be it.

BeautyMarkThis · 5 months ago

For me personally, I don't have much against dating another race anymore. I am comfortable within myself to appreciate that people find love in all different races. However, I do have an issue when black men decide to date out of their race because of the stereotypical things such as Black women have issues etc. What race doesn't? Shouldn't you be checking yourself and the people YOU decide to date and not an entire race?. When black men start bashing ALL black women that's when I become defensive. I am an Individual and I don't stand for ALL black women.

I do find that people who date out of their race become amazed of how the other race treats them. Well duh! a lot of times other races are going to go out of their way to prove they are different and better than your own in the beginning. Ask a man who has dated both and most times you will get "ALL WOMEN ARE CRAZY" lol. I have experienced this first hand and it amuses me how we appreciate this as being genuine sometimes. Not saying it is always that way, that's ignorant but it does happen. We do take advantage of our own because we are too comfortable and have an understanding without anything being said.

If you are genuinely attracted to anyone of any race and that is just the person you are..Go for it!. But if you have foolish reasons like "Oh they will treat me better" go ahead..Women like me don't like you.

We need to stop basing Interracial relationships or being bias because of stupid expectations. If you didn't attract the people you do or date the people you did. You wouldn't be judging a race as a whole!

I didn't write all I wanted to say LOL but this is good enough

gudo · 4 months ago

black women who complain about a shortage of black men are racist and need to open their perspective.

i'm aware that's a bold statement.. but if you're one of those women/men who complain about that.. you're basically saying that you're okay with people limiting their love for someone based on skin color.

if you were to end up falling for a white man... and he said nah.. i only date white women... you'd be pulling the racist card.. and rightfully so.


since when did skin color matter in love.

and who has a choice in real love anyway?

if there's real love there... take it.. and give it...
that's what matters in the end.

BeautyMarkThis · 4 months ago

Date who you want to date. I just believe the reason to date out of your race shouldn't be based on characteristics/stereotypes of a race as a whole.

If a white man told me he wasn't attracted to black women and it wasn't based on a negative perception of the way black women act etc. I wouldn't care nor would I call him Racist. You like what you like. Color is just color but when you start putting stop blocks because of BS beliefs of how someone is,or acts because of their skin... than you may have issues you need to correct within yourself.