I don't think this is a REAL issue. I've had countless guys tell me "I RESPECT girls when they dont sleep w/ me as soon I learn her name". And even more dudes say they love the chase. If ur in the 100 yd dash to sleep w/ a guy hoping for a long term relationship he just isn't that dude.
sure enuff...
· 3 months ago
What about waiting til you get married? Why isn't that an option???
T
· 2 months ago
wait til marriage ! are you 14 ,no adult is going to wait that long unless he or she has someone else on the side.
true2me
· 3 months ago
If I feel like doing it to you..IMMA DO IT..what imma wait for..Christmas, My birthday..WHAT AM I WAITING FOR..
Ooh..to see if you gon COMMIT TO ME..hell while I have you waiting..you boning your "real girlfriend" and keep me on the side till I let you sample...After 4 months ..You are now humping ME and Keyshia..LMAO
BOOOOOOO @ waiting
Kenya Mack
· 3 months ago
Each situation is different. To me, it just depends on how well you vibe with a person. I, personally, wouldn't sleep with someone on the first night. I would have to know something about him prior to sleeping with him. However, waiting months is a little ridiculous.
true2me
· 3 months ago
I have had 3 long term relationships (one marriage) of first night sex..
*shrugs*
nynikki
· 3 months ago
It ain't tricky at all. Do what feels right for you; do what you can live with. You like swinging from chandeliers? Do it! You want to be a virgin on your wedding night? Go for it! (just know that your man is probably screwing somebody while you're saving it).
ddot
· 3 months ago
i just wonder why things like "(just know that your man is probably screwing somebody while you're saving it)." always gotta be said to those that chose to wait til marriage. There are men out there that will wait, just because you aren't familiar with them, and they aren't the majority doesn't mean anything. How come support can't be shown without that little side note? this isn't the first time i see/hear this. Almost sounds like "aaww your man enjoy shopping together or wears bright colors ? just know he's probably gay because of it." or "aaww your man's an artist? just know he's probably broke." or "aaww your man is really sexy, just know he's probably gonna cheat on you." You see what I mean? I mean no matter how likely it is(i understand in this culture) but why throw out such an insecure-minded statement to undermine someone like that. Personally I think it's more insulting to men(although they probably don't see it this way because of society), because it's essentially saying that they lack self control and self discipline, or that they lack the ability to build those up. If a man agrees to wait, and someone says "you're probably gonna eff up"...it's the equivalent to telling a black man after they've decided to go the "better" path that "you're probably gonna still end up in jail." People act out what they're told. It's the reason why women in the society are considered whores, while men are not, when it comes to having lots of sex. The reason why some men feels insecure if they don't have many women and why some women don't feel validated if they don't have a man. People act out what they're told...so if you tell your man different and build them up instead of putting in little undermining taglines..maybe they'd do different.
Just my two sense..honestly it wasn't a tirade against you nynikki. I just see it so often and had to vent.
nynikki
· 3 months ago
I hear you and I'm not taking it personally. I say it with a caveat. The guys I've known who waited, were holding it for marriage. It was their own moral compass leading them.
While my experience is far from law, I haven't met any men "willing to wait" faithfully for a partner if they haven't already chosen celibacy for themselves. If you're waiting for marriage and the thought hadn't crossed your man's mind before he met you, chances are he may not be strong enough to go the distance.
TheDuchess
· 3 months ago
Real Talk Nikki! Most of the women that choose to wait til marriage don't mind saving themselves for a man that has been around the block a few times. Doesn't make sense to me cause if I am going to save myself for someone, I need to KNOW that person is AS pure as I am..
ddot
· 3 months ago
Yeah I agree with that ^...it should be with someone that is as pure as you are. But again because of society and the pressure it puts on men to have many sexual partners etc., it's slightly unrealistic(but far from impossible) to find a dude that is a virgin in his twenties and up. Depends on where your faith is, cuz the person is there. That's why I don't mind if the guy is celibate, he doesn't have to be a virgin like myself. If God/the guy can take his repentance seriously and be forgiven, then I can forgive and support..i shouldn't hold it against him.
I tell you what I won't do though like nynikki said...I won't get with someone who was sexually active and then stopped on account of me. No, they need to make that decision to be celibate for themselves first. I feel like suddenly asking someone sexually active to stop on your account just makes it harder on the both of us. Like trying to make a car that's going 100mph, stop after in 2 seconds. Gonna be extremely hard. They need to already have that organ(female or male) under control, and already be bringing that car to a stop before they start a relationship with someone committed to celibacy or abstinence.
ALMiss
· 3 months ago
For me, it depends on the guy. If I'm not sure if he's there for me or the sex, I make him wait to see if he'll stay around or what. But if I'm definitely feeling him and vice versa...it's whatever, let's get it! I'm not a chick who has all those 3 or 5 month rules either...I just know what I want and when I want it. But that does not mean I'm shelling it out to every guy who comes my way because you have to prove yourself worthy of my goodies. lol
molotovcoqtiz
· 3 months ago
See, this is why I hated dating! It's all these rules and bullshat that you have to pay attention to now, I'm a firm believer in following the moment and not letting rules define you. However, with all that is floating around out there and the lengths that people are going thru to be something that they're not, I'm not going to wait until a pre-set time frame and run my JR out... Nah bruh, not happening. I didn't play games with my SO but we took a moment to figure that in the beginning what we were looking for and what we were both interested in made us compatiable for something long term... It took about 2 months or a bit longer and heeelllla dates before we did have sex,but that's just me personally. I'm not professing to be a saint....
But, I'll be damned if I jump into bed with just anyone out there who I was feeling after a couple of drinks with the right light in some club. I feel this: No other person can define how long one takes to get to know another person, I just think that the chase is worth it in the end and it gives you a chance to feel out a person.
Man, I look at my nana and grandpa and it's like how did they do it for so long? She'll tell me because she went with her gut but she also made him work for it.
If the chick at the club wants to toot that thang up on him that very same night, so be it, there's a 50/50 chance that she'll be long-term or BC status. I'd rather be on the spectrum of having a bit more control over that.... But we all know that there are special people and situations that call for BC's... So, dammit I can't hate.
All Comments
Ooh..to see if you gon COMMIT TO ME..hell while I have you waiting..you boning your "real girlfriend" and keep me on the side till I let you sample...After 4 months ..You are now humping ME and Keyshia..LMAO
BOOOOOOO @ waiting
*shrugs*
There are men out there that will wait, just because you aren't familiar with them, and they aren't the majority doesn't mean anything.
How come support can't be shown without that little side note? this isn't the first time i see/hear this.
Almost sounds like "aaww your man enjoy shopping together or wears bright colors ? just know he's probably gay because of it." or "aaww your man's an artist? just know he's probably broke." or "aaww your man is really sexy, just know he's probably gonna cheat on you."
You see what I mean? I mean no matter how likely it is(i understand in this culture) but why throw out such an insecure-minded statement to undermine someone like that.
Personally I think it's more insulting to men(although they probably don't see it this way because of society), because it's essentially saying that they lack self control and self discipline, or that they lack the ability to build those up. If a man agrees to wait, and someone says "you're probably gonna eff up"...it's the equivalent to telling a black man after they've decided to go the "better" path that "you're probably gonna still end up in jail."
People act out what they're told. It's the reason why women in the society are considered whores, while men are not, when it comes to having lots of sex. The reason why some men feels insecure if they don't have many women and why some women don't feel validated if they don't have a man. People act out what they're told...so if you tell your man different and build them up instead of putting in little undermining taglines..maybe they'd do different.
Just my two sense..honestly it wasn't a tirade against you nynikki. I just see it so often and had to vent.
While my experience is far from law, I haven't met any men "willing to wait" faithfully for a partner if they haven't already chosen celibacy for themselves. If you're waiting for marriage and the thought hadn't crossed your man's mind before he met you, chances are he may not be strong enough to go the distance.
I tell you what I won't do though like nynikki said...I won't get with someone who was sexually active and then stopped on account of me. No, they need to make that decision to be celibate for themselves first. I feel like suddenly asking someone sexually active to stop on your account just makes it harder on the both of us. Like trying to make a car that's going 100mph, stop after in 2 seconds. Gonna be extremely hard. They need to already have that organ(female or male) under control, and already be bringing that car to a stop before they start a relationship with someone committed to celibacy or abstinence.
It's all these rules and bullshat that you have to pay attention to now, I'm a firm believer in following the moment and not letting rules define you.
However, with all that is floating around out there and the lengths that people are going thru to be something that they're not, I'm not going to wait until a pre-set time frame and run my JR out... Nah bruh, not happening. I didn't play games with my SO but we took a moment to figure that in the beginning what we were looking for and what we were both interested in made us compatiable for something long term... It took about 2 months or a bit longer and heeelllla dates before we did have sex,but that's just me personally.
I'm not professing to be a saint....
But, I'll be damned if I jump into bed with just anyone out there who I was feeling after a couple of drinks with the right light in some club. I feel this: No other person can define how long one takes to get to know another person, I just think that the chase is worth it in the end and it gives you a chance to feel out a person.
Man, I look at my nana and grandpa and it's like how did they do it for so long? She'll tell me because she went with her gut but she also made him work for it.
If the chick at the club wants to toot that thang up on him that very same night, so be it, there's a 50/50 chance that she'll be long-term or BC status. I'd rather be on the spectrum of having a bit more control over that.... But we all know that there are special people and situations that call for BC's... So, dammit I can't hate.