BlogXilla For Sexual Intellectuals - Latest Comments in From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

p-lo — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:35:53 -0000

but it's better to find out either way cause what if you'd never checked that phone? you'd still look lkike a fool thinking you're in a relationship...and you're right chating is not cool, but either way that shytt will come back to the person sooner or later...

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Roxychic — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:23:51 -0000

OK, so I've read enough comments to know i'm not the only thats fallen victim to checking your sig's fone. It wasn't something I did often, but I was bound to find something.
"....but it also shows me how men can sometimes have a disregard/ lack of respect for the woman they "love". " that was very true [to me]. I hate when dudes lie. I'd like to think I'm a big enough girl that you just keep it a 100 with me and *I* decide whether I'll stay or not. I DETEST lies. really.

he was one of those 'honest, yea im real' cats and i thought bc he was a friend first and hell, a 'good' person, i wouldnt have to worry about shit like that. but fbook,myspace, the way communication is it makes it so easy to have shit out in the open. so i always saw some bullshit that bothered me. he tried to play that role with me where "he tells all the girls about each other because thats being honest.. : / ...soooo I don't worry about his fone no more even tho i get tempted when he leaves his shit around [he used to but since we had become a lil serious he started NOT to, i caught that shit lol]. my main thing is now that i learned my lesson??

YOU ARE OF ABSOLUTELY NO USE TO ME BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST YOU.

it's WRONG PERIOD to play with someones feelings,but it's not the guys fault if you stick around for his dumb shit AFTER you know he's not sincerely invested in what you and him can have together.

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

HeadMistress — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 20:59:23 -0000

Yeah, the "history" changes everything...good call!

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Ant_from_Chi — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 20:50:31 -0000

I don't want to tell her. She and I have some history. Long, long time ago history, but history none the less. Now I am just really tight with her and her whole family. I'm even cool with him and made it a point to make him feel comfortable when we're all together.

I think he said that in front of me to get a reaction. Maybe he's trying to self destruct. What I have decided to do is talk to him. I left him a voicemail to call me, but he hasn't yet. I'm going to explain to him that I am not going to say anything to her about what you alluded to, but at the same time, you are on notice that I don't ever want to hear anything like that come from you to me and that you need to consider what you are doing and be a man about your shit.

No matter what though you're right. Tough situation.

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

HeadMistress — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:45:16 -0000

As a woman, I think this kind of news coming from a platonic male friend may be a lot easier to accept than coming from a female friend...

Another idea, provided it's your plan to tell her, is to give him the opportunity to tell her himself and that if he doesn't you certainly will, this however could also backfire in too many ways to name...

tough situation...

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Haniplease — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:27:27 -0000

lol sharing is caring and i don't wanna not mention that i relate to where u all are, i've been tempted but i practice restraint. my mother, sister, and most of my friends are like u....i see the hurt and energy wasted and its just ming boggling to me...
i think thas my prob mistress. i have TOO MUCH control. u gotta learn to let go and let love...i dunnooooo!

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Haniplease — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:53:07 -0000

you don't understand correctly. he was a football player and i'm into getting my fitness on. he asked me to bring this underarmour wear that had been left at my house after we worked out. being a man and stupid he didn't time his ish right, and there ya go! i left the clothes on the porch and wrote a note "we are no longer TnT, as something a tad more explosive just drove past me. please return my fishing pole and donate whatever clothes i left here to charity" i know it sounds madd dramatic, but i'm just a bit more icy than most women. he's in the nfl to this day and will still try to occassionally fall back, explain. leaving things so abruptly f'd him up. had i done the typical crazy woman than he would have been able to let go of me more easily.

i have no respect for the women that reduce themselves to sherlock ho's, as that behavior its tacky and classless, but eh i'm an ass.[thus the pic lol]

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

HeadMistress — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:17:17 -0000

Gotcha, sounds like you got it under control...

Someone is bound the benefit from your experience...gotta love this blog...Sharing is Caring :-D

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

cristalbubblin — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:29:44 -0000

It's crazy because I've only done it once EVER & that was this weekend LOL I just wanted to have evidence of my suspicion thank sweet baby Jesus I was wrong. On the flip, I've been called cold or uncaring(if thats a word) because I didnt go thru his stuff. As many people have previously, stated if u go looking u will find something & really that shit is not cool especially if you aint payin the bill on dat ho!!

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Ant_from_Chi — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 11:34:46 -0000

Xilla, I have a topic to debate. You probably already covered this, but I must have missed it. Anyway, I had a party the other night and one of my favorite non sexual lady friends was there. Her man came later. Me and a couple of my friends were in the kitchen eating when he came in. He walked to us, gave pounds all around, then joined the conversation. I asked him if he had seen the fight and he says "I didn't see it, (Blank) thought I was there, but I was somewhere else. I had to call one of the homies to get the info so that when she asked me later, I would know what happened."

Now granted, he didn't say that he was out fucking around, but he certainly alluded to it. My question now to you is, what would you do in a situation like this. Keep in mind that she is the one that's my friend and I know him through her. I already know what I am going to do, I just want to know what you and the rest of the community have to say about this. I'm really tempted to tell her because they are about to buy a house together and they have kids, but you know how it could go. What I am going to do though is call him and let him know that he is going to fuck up his relationship, among other things. And that he should be careful who he says these type of things in front of, especially since one of the cats who heard it was trying to holla at (Blank) before he got there.

Anyway, the party was great. a couple of people got in trouble because they was out too late and/or up in some chicks face they wasn't supposed to be in. Good times. Wish you all could have been there.

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

HeadMistress — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 09:14:19 -0000

You're right God will show you and sometimes that showing is via an unattended cell phn or email account :-) his assistance is not always miraculous "a la walking on water" in nature, sometimes it comes in real down to earth human forms of behavior that we can easily but mistakenly give ourselves the credit for

Do I understand correctly: driving by on a hunch?? If so, that's snooping, in one of its mildest forms, not as invasive or disrespectful as checkin phones and emails of course but still an effort to find something based on that feeling that something ain't right nonetheless

At any rate I applaud the women who don't do it and don't have too but also understand and respect those who do it for the purpose of finding proof and getting closure to get away from that relationship, as with most things there's no real "right or wrong" its all based on your circumstances

Sherlock ho's...LOL!

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Haniplease — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 04:30:44 -0000

its never necessary. from a religious standpt God keeps you at all times or something. if ur marriage is a whole union before him[or her] he will show u the deal. i had feelings my guy wasn't right, and when i went to his house a random groupie drove his car up the st. i didn't have to snoop or anything. i turned around, went to my fav lounge and read a book and sipped wine. i stopped speaking with him, and he knew what was up! to this day he tries to explain etc, but there's no need to listen. u KNOW when ur boo ain' true., period. we are blerssed with intuition and choose to be sherlock ho's. its just not necessary ever to me.

being how i am has made me a bit of a maneater. i'm a magnet for married men as they know that i'm confident enough to not get too attached, but eventually i want to find a soulmate and raise a family.[not to be confused with merging my finances etc with a marriage license]

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

HeadMistress — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 12:31:00 -0000

no, not at all, that shit was funny as hell, not to mention 100% true of me at the time I was doin it...I can admit it and laugh at it now cause I learned to control my crazy and not let it control me :-)

I still believe there are situations where it is appropriate or necessary is actually a better word: some religions (I hate religion) won't allow a divorce/annulment unless there is PROOF of adultery so if it is your intention to find it and end it then it's a must but just being nosey and insecure knowing you're gonna stay despite what you may find is stupid, you really only damage yourself emotionally

dont look at it as getting the short end of the stick, anytime you come out on the BETTER side of the situation, despite how f*cked up that situation may have been...You Win

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Erika — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 12:29:20 -0000

You're right. If you look for something just know you're gonna find something. So, don't look1

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Masha — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 12:27:56 -0000

i used to be nosy too; go over emails and phones, and I've always found some ish. Now the thing is if you got to the point that you want to crack his email or cell, that alone means that he is already doing wrong, our intuition rarely lies. The dude who loves you and have nothing to hide will hand you over his phone and let you use it for example if your battery is dead and you need to call someone, or he can even let you answer his phone if he is not around, and he will ASK you to check his email if he has no access to it and he really needs some info. So once dude start being all overdefensive on privacy and stuff, that rings bells. All this digging shit is really stressful and disrespectful, and i realized it only when it was done to me. My man was going through my stuff on the regular and i didn't know about it. So when he found some shit in my emails and made a scene, it was such a big turn off too me that i decided to end 3 year long relationship right there, now when i know how the other side feels about it, i would never put anyone in same situation. I mean, if you feel like he or she is doing crap, chances are pretty high that you are right and probably it's better to confront the wrong side or just bounce out.

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Ness — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 12:24:55 -0000

I'm pretty sure tht wasn'nt directed twds him....lol..

Tht's exactly wht I tell a guy. Guys have a tendency 2 think tht a female isn't going to do her (if he's doing him).

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

ImWatchinYoo — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 11:31:17 -0000

you sure that wasnt directed to xilla? i think with what you right and what he rights yall should have sex and see who cums out on top

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Haniplease — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 06:14:28 -0000

lol glad u didn't take offense. i don't mean no harm and am quite silly[thus the cap'n'crazy comment ;D]

you inevitably confront her if ur sitting outside of HER home. i think snooping thru ur mans stuff is the dumbest shit a woman can do. then rationalizing stalkerish behavior is the icing on the cake! i feel what u said re:drama. i jst hate that i'm always getting the short end of that stick.
being emotionless is a survival tactic, but i don't think its healthier. a balance of ocd of the nosyness and being withdrawn in fear of getting ur heart broken is healthier...

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

HeadMistress — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 21:39:14 -0000

ROFLMAO @ i mean whoa there cap'n' crazy!.... You are too effin funny!!!!

I hear you, but let me clarify, I have never approached another chick, I've always believed that was a the dumbest shyt any woman can do...sitting outside of her house was for the purpose of confrontin him, not her (fully understanding that that is only SLIGHTLY "less crazy") LOL

at the time I was doin this I was very young (late teens/early twenties) and the first couple of times it was out of sheer desperation and then when I figured out the "talent" that I had for snooping/skip tracing thats when it became fun like a sport, a talent which I've been able to turn into a nice little career btw :-)

I'm a people watcher, I love to observe behavior and I've found that people in general thrive on drama, that is why men stay with the crazy girls that "bust the windows out their car" and the crazy girls stay with the men that KEEP cheatin on them...I think once you step into early adulthood and are figuring out friendships and relationships drama is almost a given but instead of separating the good from the bad, people get used to the bad, accept it and think it's normal

It almost seems like people don't feel like they are worth anything unless something dramatic and crazy is happening in their lives...they can have that shyt, I'll take peace, calm and pure fun any day...

and being emotionless is not masculine, thats just survival, I am very emotional but only the people who deserve my emotion get it ... when I tell you I have learned to detach and retreat at a moments notice... shyyyyyt - so fast a n*gga will almost forget he ever even knew me

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Haniplease — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 16:39:26 -0000

dumpster diving?! fa real!?!? ;O why!? i was amazed when an exes wife found out where i lived and left his kid with me, but i mean this is seriously a sport eh? like y'all get high offa ruinin lives and bein nosy?! maybe i be to high or horny to care...this is WAY MAJA i see... nothing good comes from invading privacy. NOTHING....u have to allow ur mate to have some space....

love u enough to be secure in the relationship/leave. all of this behavior SCREAMS Isquared. Immaturity and Insecurity. both are solvable issues, get neked look at ur vagina with a mirror, realize its a grownup now, and pray for the strength to control it and the things it makes ya do! dang....

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Haniplease — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 16:31:45 -0000

i am stunned! i mean whoa there cap'n' crazy! i'm glad u gave it up....

what kills me[kinda shocked that we haven't touchedo n this] is how some men feed on the women that do this....i'm more masculine i guess in that i've become emotionless and don't trip as much as many of u/my girls do... that being said... why the FUGG are men so quick to stay with the crazy girls. its like they feel honored that she cares enoug hto do all that. all the while someone like me get, "i mean have a reaction. u jis seem like u don't care. a nigga might wanna argue sometimes" i honestly refuse to do relationship drama as there's a whiteboy that won't put me thru the flux waiting in the wings.
when the wives contacted me or the super sleuths like y'all, i cut off all communication. never waited for a reason etc as there's not a logical one to explain the lies etc.... men SWEAR they want drama free, super sexin, cookin women, but when they have that, they make trouble where there isn't any...i don't get it!?!!!

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Shay — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 12:52:36 -0000

You Know What Imma Tell You Rite Now I Just Went Thru Sum Ish Like This Like Two Dyas Ago.
My Dude We Only Been Together For Like 4 Months Decides He Wanted To Go Thru My Phone While I Was In The Restroom.
I Come Back And He All Up In My Phone On My Aim Goin Thru My Txt's Msg's And Picture Mail.
I Felt Very Disrepected And I Told Him.
He Was All Mad Ova Sum Old Dick Flicks.
I've Neva Wanted To Go Thru My Man's Phone. I Feel I'm Grown I'll Ask If I Wanna Know And If You Lie To Me It'll Reveal Itself.

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

HappyToBeNappy — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 12:14:51 -0000

If you do it, be prepared for what you might find. Be prepared to have a fight about what you saw, and why you were checking in the first place. I say leave it alone. If they are cheating there should be other signs anyway. And if I did check someones phone, I wouldn't even try to hide it - I'd do it right in front of them to see how they react. If they start trying to grab the phone back before I can look, I know we have a problem.

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Haniplease — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 05:43:42 -0000

WORD! the couple across the street are so serious about their fights. i mean have shot out windows and tire[shocked the hell outta me, guess people don't use clubs like in the old days] and they call the police on each other back and forth. she's bout 5-7 mo preg by dude from what i hear[i'm just TELLIN THEY BIDNIS lol] what's the friggin pt!?

99% of the snoopy mc nosins never do ish, or they throw a royal fit only to be romparoomin in the bed an hr lata., CRAZY! i ain' never and will never be that chick. i'd rather besomewhere high plotton on the next d-i....WOOOORD! lol

Re: From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See

Art2dope — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 03:17:00 -0000

i feeling this entry... and i'ma need to cop that book lol
yo thats my phone last time i check i go into my tmobile.com account and pay that joint, don't be checking! and if you go and find pictures of my meat, point blank i'ma freak... and you should know cause thats how i got you GRRRrrRRR but you get my drift.

I DON'T CHECK ANY GIRLS PHONE CAUSE I DON'T PAY HER BILL, I DON'T WANNA PAY HER BILL, AND THAT'S ALL HER BUSINESS. LET HER DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. BUT ITS DIFFERENT IF I'M WITH YOU AND YOU TEXTING, THEN WE HAVING BEEF.
Don't look at the other teams play book, cause at the end of the day this is a contact sport, they always have something up their sleeve. ART MADDEN Reporting from Blogxilla! BOOM!