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i'm not one of those females who wants the perfect guy, i mean let's face it nobodys perfect. i expect you to do stupid shit like flirt/text/look other youngings...your a man for christs sake!! and most of all human. but the simple fact that your stupid enough to leave it on there when you claim to "know how females" are...just shows 1. your stupidity and 2. your lack of respect and care for your mate or your own damn privacy.
i've since stopped even looking in the direction of the phone and have since found a extrodinary piece of mind. if it is visable i'd cover it with a paper or a napkin or something. don't let me get started on the myspace/blackplanet/facebook notes and comments fiasco...the internet is not for children i.e. little ass "grown" boys + girls....let me stop before i be here allday...i love this post by the way, glad u brought it back.
i've never looked in a phone and won't. usually when i've dated a guy that was trickin off the other woman has called or it becomes so blatant i can't help but move on. do NOT look for trouble because you'd find it. [whether its really there or ur lack of trust conjurs up a rue of foolishness] mmm mm! don't do it!]
Now granted, he didn't say that he was out fucking around, but he certainly alluded to it. My question now to you is, what would you do in a situation like this. Keep in mind that she is the one that's my friend and I know him through her. I already know what I am going to do, I just want to know what you and the rest of the community have to say about this. I'm really tempted to tell her because they are about to buy a house together and they have kids, but you know how it could go. What I am going to do though is call him and let him know that he is going to fuck up his relationship, among other things. And that he should be careful who he says these type of things in front of, especially since one of the cats who heard it was trying to holla at (Blank) before he got there.
Anyway, the party was great. a couple of people got in trouble because they was out too late and/or up in some chicks face they wasn't supposed to be in. Good times. Wish you all could have been there.
Another idea, provided it's your plan to tell her, is to give him the opportunity to tell her himself and that if he doesn't you certainly will, this however could also backfire in too many ways to name...
tough situation...
I think he said that in front of me to get a reaction. Maybe he's trying to self destruct. What I have decided to do is talk to him. I left him a voicemail to call me, but he hasn't yet. I'm going to explain to him that I am not going to say anything to her about what you alluded to, but at the same time, you are on notice that I don't ever want to hear anything like that come from you to me and that you need to consider what you are doing and be a man about your shit.
No matter what though you're right. Tough situation.
If my man goes a look through my phone and he finds something then he better be prepared to find something he doesn't like because that is what he wants anyway.
If you are going to be nosy ask me because you are speaking to the nosiest person in the world I would understand if you wanna look. But don't look in mine if I can't look in yours.
However, it IS how I busted my ex, so it comes in handy. If they're too dumb to leave a trail then OH WELL, not my fault! lol
Now, my stuff? Well, I'm not hiding anything. But to keep my moms or babies in the dark about grown folks business (in case they're nosey, too) I know all about deleting cookies, password protecting my ish, and deleting texts/photos from my phone ASAP.
This ain't my first time at the rodeo... lol
If they're too dumb AND leave a trail then OH WELL, not my fault! lol
Dont pick my BB or my cell phone and go through it, unless I ask you to. And I will never do the same to someone else.
Im an adult and I expect to be treated as such.
If Im in a relationship and you feel you need to go through my phone, then you dont trust me. If you dont trust me, then there is no reason for us to be together. For real.
While Im at it.. Chicks if your man is texting another chick and you want to know whats going on. STOP calling the other chick and embarassing yourselves. You look like a crazy mofo. Confront your MAN. That's who you are involved with. Not the chick.
Great blog, Xilla. :)
I don't even want you to leave it in my area...
but i feel you on that trust thing its a very important part of all relationships because that what a relationship is trusting someone with what will hurt you... and them not hurting you.
I hate bitches like that.
there are some women that knowingly condone cheating, some don't. don't assume all women are this inconsiderate. as soon as i catch wind of a man having a sigother, i bounce. period. women make themselves look amazingly stupid when they fbi the other woman. she has no ties to u[even if she does know] so CHECK YA MAN and keep ya own house clean! period! ARG! i need a shut yo mouf potion just thinkin bout that!
If I'm going to look then it's for a reason.
1) either I feel ur up to no good or I feel tht ur trying to hide something
I've looked b4 in the past but it was for the above reason. Would I look now, probably not. Wht's the point, who gives a sh*t...lol. Do wht u do daddy b/c u only live once! And we're not married ;)
Say it Ness, Preach*swaying side to side in the church pew*
Thanks for you recommendation.
I haven't got into any trouble from following my "book of Ness" lol.
yo thats my phone last time i check i go into my tmobile.com account and pay that joint, don't be checking! and if you go and find pictures of my meat, point blank i'ma freak... and you should know cause thats how i got you GRRRrrRRR but you get my drift.
I DON'T CHECK ANY GIRLS PHONE CAUSE I DON'T PAY HER BILL, I DON'T WANNA PAY HER BILL, AND THAT'S ALL HER BUSINESS. LET HER DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. BUT ITS DIFFERENT IF I'M WITH YOU AND YOU TEXTING, THEN WE HAVING BEEF.
Don't look at the other teams play book, cause at the end of the day this is a contact sport, they always have something up their sleeve. ART MADDEN Reporting from Blogxilla! BOOM!
Wht's the point in getting mad & upset...have ur fun b/c whtever u do, I can do better! lol
I was saying in general about any man tht I decide to date lol.
Half the ppl who go snooping don't do ish when they find dirt...so whts the point in busting out a guys windows if ur gonna stay w/ him. Ur gonna look like to fool rolling around in a car w/o any windows lol
99% of the snoopy mc nosins never do ish, or they throw a royal fit only to be romparoomin in the bed an hr lata., CRAZY! i ain' never and will never be that chick. i'd rather besomewhere high plotton on the next d-i....WOOOORD! lol
But then when you look or trouble you find it. . .so when trouble is not bothering me I don't go looking for it.
Plus, there's something to be said for having a little bit of privacy, or at least feeling that sense of privacy. Even in a long-term committed relationship you need to hold onto something that feels like it's yours, and not "ours", even though in reality you're on each other's phones like its nothing... let him feel like he you that permission.
insecurity can ruin a good union.
and one day while skimming, i saw a text message chain that was severly questionable. so i asked about it. once again, if you have nothing to hide , this wouldn't be an issue. his response was "why are you going thru my phone?" DEFENSE MODE!! of course he says its nothing and its not what i think it is...blah, blah, blah. I had already made it clear that i don't do cheating or cheaters. that's the one thing that i WILL NOT forgive, and is a guaranteed way to get a pink slip. and it works both ways...i have nothing to hide, so my phone is open all day, everyday.
But if you're afraid of what you might see, definately don't go looking.
so say you and you man sitting home tonight and his phone ring/text and he ignors it? what are you going say/do?
you know what...women do mind us looking b/c ya'll 'premeditate" your deeds. not saying that you do...
no, i'm not an insecure person at all. and to answer you example questions, I wouldn't say or do anything. if he ignore's it, that's on him. he ignore's his phone all the time, even while we're together , so it wouldn't be anything new.
and i can't speak for most women, but i truely don't mind you looking. becuase if you're "looking" for something in particular, i hope you find what you're looking for and if not, then maybe you shouldn't be "looking" yeah, women do premediitate things ( yeah i do it too), but that definately isn't of them...
Going thru a guys phone doesn't always lead to bad things. I found a txt mst once tht said he was gonna get a limo for me for my bday.
But I wish I wud've told him b/c I cud've got something else too.
So when I went outside, and I had 2 b surprised! :) lol.
I DON'T CHECK ANY GIRLS PHONE CAUSE I DON'T PAY HER BILL, I DON'T WANNA PAY HER BILL, AND THAT'S ALL HER BUSINESS. LET HER DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. BUT ITS DIFFERENT IF I'M WITH YOU AND YOU TEXTING, THEN WE HAVING BEEF.
Don't look at the other teams play book, cause at the end of the day this is a contact sport, they always have something up their sleeve. ART MADDEN Reporting from Blogxilla! BOOM!
LOL!! @ the sportscaster swag ! LOL!!
lol
I don't do it. I don't believe in it. I don't want them checkin my shit cuz don't wanna check their's.
This is all me ova here.
That's all them ova there.
I'm a grown ass woman dog!!
hee hee
even tho I have nothing to hide (now).. Nothing urks me more than a nosey @$$ female. so if she wants to see my phone, she has to ask me and for the most part i will say yeah. However she does have to let me know what she needs to see it for. ..and praise the lord for iphones, cause i have the ability to lock certain programs and leave some open. So if she tries to sneak peek at my texts or my recent calls: DENIED. silly you.
Jesus christ!!!
....personally i wouldnt be able to handle that relationship.
love u enough to be secure in the relationship/leave. all of this behavior SCREAMS Isquared. Immaturity and Insecurity. both are solvable issues, get neked look at ur vagina with a mirror, realize its a grownup now, and pray for the strength to control it and the things it makes ya do! dang....
ohhh it was sooooo emotionally destructive at first but after awhile I got so GD good at it that it became like a sport, when I found shyt I wouldn't even get mad, I would just reveal my discovery, then gloat and laugh while my bf would be lookin like how in the hell did she do that?
Oh you can't imagine some of the ways I found shyt out....cracking cell phone and vcml codes is fun but have you ever known the satisfaction of findin that other b*tch in the phone book with just her first name and a street name OR just with the telephone number??? Now that's a rush!!!!
Ahhh good times those were, but I gave all that up, there's no point, especially if you ain't ending the relationship because of it...you go thru all the "Ahhh Ha! Gotcha!!!" just to turn around and stay so he can do it some more...
It's a hard habit to break though, espcially if you're "investigative" by nature like I am, most of the time it is fueled by distrust and insecurity and some people are just naturally "curious" or simply want the satisfaction of letting that other person know they ain't stupid and you can't get over on me...but again, if you ain't leavin it's all for nothing....
thanks for reposting this Xilla, I was "Blogxilloblivious" until a few months ago so I really enjoy the "from the vault" posts
what kills me[kinda shocked that we haven't touchedo n this] is how some men feed on the women that do this....i'm more masculine i guess in that i've become emotionless and don't trip as much as many of u/my girls do... that being said... why the FUGG are men so quick to stay with the crazy girls. its like they feel honored that she cares enoug hto do all that. all the while someone like me get, "i mean have a reaction. u jis seem like u don't care. a nigga might wanna argue sometimes" i honestly refuse to do relationship drama as there's a whiteboy that won't put me thru the flux waiting in the wings.
when the wives contacted me or the super sleuths like y'all, i cut off all communication. never waited for a reason etc as there's not a logical one to explain the lies etc.... men SWEAR they want drama free, super sexin, cookin women, but when they have that, they make trouble where there isn't any...i don't get it!?!!!
I hear you, but let me clarify, I have never approached another chick, I've always believed that was a the dumbest shyt any woman can do...sitting outside of her house was for the purpose of confrontin him, not her (fully understanding that that is only SLIGHTLY "less crazy") LOL
at the time I was doin this I was very young (late teens/early twenties) and the first couple of times it was out of sheer desperation and then when I figured out the "talent" that I had for snooping/skip tracing thats when it became fun like a sport, a talent which I've been able to turn into a nice little career btw :-)
I'm a people watcher, I love to observe behavior and I've found that people in general thrive on drama, that is why men stay with the crazy girls that "bust the windows out their car" and the crazy girls stay with the men that KEEP cheatin on them...I think once you step into early adulthood and are figuring out friendships and relationships drama is almost a given but instead of separating the good from the bad, people get used to the bad, accept it and think it's normal
It almost seems like people don't feel like they are worth anything unless something dramatic and crazy is happening in their lives...they can have that shyt, I'll take peace, calm and pure fun any day...
and being emotionless is not masculine, thats just survival, I am very emotional but only the people who deserve my emotion get it ... when I tell you I have learned to detach and retreat at a moments notice... shyyyyyt - so fast a n*gga will almost forget he ever even knew me
My Dude We Only Been Together For Like 4 Months Decides He Wanted To Go Thru My Phone While I Was In The Restroom.
I Come Back And He All Up In My Phone On My Aim Goin Thru My Txt's Msg's And Picture Mail.
I Felt Very Disrepected And I Told Him.
He Was All Mad Ova Sum Old Dick Flicks.
I've Neva Wanted To Go Thru My Man's Phone. I Feel I'm Grown I'll Ask If I Wanna Know And If You Lie To Me It'll Reveal Itself.
you inevitably confront her if ur sitting outside of HER home. i think snooping thru ur mans stuff is the dumbest shit a woman can do. then rationalizing stalkerish behavior is the icing on the cake! i feel what u said re:drama. i jst hate that i'm always getting the short end of that stick.
being emotionless is a survival tactic, but i don't think its healthier. a balance of ocd of the nosyness and being withdrawn in fear of getting ur heart broken is healthier...
I still believe there are situations where it is appropriate or necessary is actually a better word: some religions (I hate religion) won't allow a divorce/annulment unless there is PROOF of adultery so if it is your intention to find it and end it then it's a must but just being nosey and insecure knowing you're gonna stay despite what you may find is stupid, you really only damage yourself emotionally
dont look at it as getting the short end of the stick, anytime you come out on the BETTER side of the situation, despite how f*cked up that situation may have been...You Win
being how i am has made me a bit of a maneater. i'm a magnet for married men as they know that i'm confident enough to not get too attached, but eventually i want to find a soulmate and raise a family.[not to be confused with merging my finances etc with a marriage license]
Do I understand correctly: driving by on a hunch?? If so, that's snooping, in one of its mildest forms, not as invasive or disrespectful as checkin phones and emails of course but still an effort to find something based on that feeling that something ain't right nonetheless
At any rate I applaud the women who don't do it and don't have too but also understand and respect those who do it for the purpose of finding proof and getting closure to get away from that relationship, as with most things there's no real "right or wrong" its all based on your circumstances
Sherlock ho's...LOL!
i have no respect for the women that reduce themselves to sherlock ho's, as that behavior its tacky and classless, but eh i'm an ass.[thus the pic lol]
Someone is bound the benefit from your experience...gotta love this blog...Sharing is Caring :-D
i think thas my prob mistress. i have TOO MUCH control. u gotta learn to let go and let love...i dunnooooo!
Tht's exactly wht I tell a guy. Guys have a tendency 2 think tht a female isn't going to do her (if he's doing him).
"....but it also shows me how men can sometimes have a disregard/ lack of respect for the woman they "love". " that was very true [to me]. I hate when dudes lie. I'd like to think I'm a big enough girl that you just keep it a 100 with me and *I* decide whether I'll stay or not. I DETEST lies. really.
he was one of those 'honest, yea im real' cats and i thought bc he was a friend first and hell, a 'good' person, i wouldnt have to worry about shit like that. but fbook,myspace, the way communication is it makes it so easy to have shit out in the open. so i always saw some bullshit that bothered me. he tried to play that role with me where "he tells all the girls about each other because thats being honest.. : / ...soooo I don't worry about his fone no more even tho i get tempted when he leaves his shit around [he used to but since we had become a lil serious he started NOT to, i caught that shit lol]. my main thing is now that i learned my lesson??
YOU ARE OF ABSOLUTELY NO USE TO ME BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST YOU.
it's WRONG PERIOD to play with someones feelings,but it's not the guys fault if you stick around for his dumb shit AFTER you know he's not sincerely invested in what you and him can have together.