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i am worth wifing because i will feed ya and fuck ya like no other lol i also will do the small things like send ur clothes to the cleaners or have my cleaning lady hook ur apt up[that way u don't have to worry about me snoopin even tho i'm not a snooper] i want a whole love wehere a man understand me completely and i him. sometimes i need my back broke, others i just need a body in the bed while i sort my life out. its so hard to find a genuine man.
my inability to let meself get completely involved with a man makes me unworthy of a serious relationship. i have to be completely honest. i think i haven't been able to find that special one because i just dealw with guys and play the role until he inevitablly messes up.... we should go into relationships thinkin the best not expecting the worst....
I know for me, I look for EXACTLY what I can offer.
Im childless. Im loyal. Honest to almost a fault. I have nothing from past situations that links to me to anyone, and that's big for me. I think I deserve that in return. I deserve someone who can give the attention that I can give. I want a man, who actually WANTS me to be the first and ONLY mother of his children.
Yea its easy for a man to rub your back and talk to you and do all those great things, which I totally understand, respect and appreciate, but there are somethings that are just bigger than all of that.
But for me, there is definitely a difference with a man who I can maintain a temporary relationship with and then a man who I can actually see myself BUILDING A LIFE WITH.
I like to go out and have fun and I like to be around groups of ppl, so he must be an extravert.
And I would have to say I agree w/ ESS. When did we stop using condoms? Everyone has a kid nowadays. And it may sound selfish, but I would like to be w/ someone who doesn't have kids. I want me and this man to share an experience tht he hasn't already experienced 2-4 different times (mulitple children) with several females (a.k.a baby mama's).
Why does my comment sound like a personal add lol..
Exactly! He probably won't be happy tht ur having his baby b/c in the back of his mind he feels that if u and him don't stay together then that's more child support he has to pay.
Or he'll compare is previous 'baby' experiences with yours which isn't gonna be fun at all. Then u'll have to deal w/ his baby mama's and their drama on learning of u being prego and they wanna act a fool b/c they know wht is it.
I can go on and on lol
When it comes to men, love, your heart and feelings.. you know whats right for YOU! And expecting what YOU CAN OFFER from another person in return is FAR from selfish. You just know what you are worth and wont accept less.
I feel u. Ppl say I'm selfish in GENERAL lol. But hey, u have to be like that sometimes b/c at the end of the day it's MY life ;)
It's just tht growing up, having a baby at a young age wasn't cool. But now everyone has a baby. I don't know if I could really be a part of a ready made family.
It's not fair to say tht women are selfish if they wish to be w/ a man who doesn't have any other obligations.
Women who deal w/ a man that has kids, has to put her NEEDS on the back burner for the man that she loves. B/c his kid(s) will always come first. So she has to deal w/ his kid(s), his baby mama(s), his financial woes, and his living situations involving his kid(s) or his baby mama(s).
Kid(s) don't have 2 like who daddy is dating and they'll show it. If the BM pisses ur BF off, then it's the female (us) who have to catch the backlash.
When dealing w/ someone who has no kids, u have time to get to be exclusive to one another w/o having other things like kid(s) and BM's come into play.
and the truth is you can have preferences all day long and if the right man comes along they could all go out the window, but in the meantime each woman/person knows what they like and want and you have the right to insist on that until such time that something "really worth it" changes your mind...or not
Also to say that having a child with a man that is already a father is ridiculous! So women who already have a kid don't get excited when they get pregnant with baby number 2 or 3?
Bottom line you have to look at case by case- if the man is being upfront with you and being a good daddy to his child it should not be held against him just because things didn't work out with the mother. I have been uncomfortable with the idea of being a step mom before I give birth to my own, but if he makes me happy I don't see a problem.
It's a personal preference.
i'm not trying to jug u, but see the otherside. a friend of mines is in love with me, and thinks i'm selfish because i won't give him a chance.[that's a going theme with bd's] he comes bundled with a no good shit of a bm and a 7yrold son...no matter what u SAY, you've experienced birth b4, you are attached to another woman for at least 40yrs! i[and those like me] are not being selfish for not wanting to deal with ur bm or raise ur kid! i want my baby to be special and feel like he was a conscious choice between two loving parents. if he's one of many the experience is undoubtedly cheapened.....
sorry for the rant, but u really igged me...
Tell me how can a man with a previous child give his new lady his ALL with a child or children from a past situation? He cant. Cuz he is giving some to his child and her mother of that child. Or Id hope that he is.
Actually a female who would accept that when she doesnt have the same situation would be accepting less and that love that she would be getting from that man would be conditional.
It would be under the conditions of, yes I love you and you are important to me. But the needs for my child comes first. Which is totally understandable and respectable.
Now as a female who doesnt have children, it would be MY choice to be involved with something like that and if I choose not to. Im far from selfish. I just know how important a man can be in my life and want the same in return.. w/o those conditions of being put to the side for a man's child.
nah i feel you, i think a man or woman can't be perfect, but they sure can't come with a package deal! i asked for you not lil boo, and the ex man thats in jail but on probation soon.
i ain't the riches man in the world, but i do have a bank account, and i do what i do. i have my own place and pay bills! you know some guys now a days, like if it ain't bad enough to NOT have a job or a bank account, but dudes don't even have a state ID. And its kind of a turn off for me when a girl says, i have to be in a relationship because i've never been lonely. like what does that mean? i've never been lonely either but i'm not out at Sofa Lounge trying to find the woman of the future. I believe in taking time to know the person, remember no one is perfect for anyone, just that one person that can tolerate your shit! and i say that alot because i feel like its true. and when i do find the one i want to settle down or atleast be a part in my life, i take it serious, i put my time, i put effort, and trust. i feel like trust is a big part in a relationship, cause its hard to gain but its easy to lose!
I luv u for that phrase!!! "emember no one is perfect for anyone, just that one person that can tolerate your shit!" lol..I LOVE it b/c it's so true!
I love black men in general. I think the male species is an amazing thing especially if u take the time to actually look deep into the makings of a 'real' man! Yeah ya'll have ya'll issues, but deep down ya'll are full of so much love, and honor and pride and when you find the one u care about it shows like no other.
It's good when we can find a man to compliment us. And build us up, not take away from us. A real man will help a real woman grow spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.
Money in the Bank:
I do consider myself an independent woman, but I am vulnerable with him and respect him as a man. I also pay for our dates every now and then to show my appreciation. He's and artist and I work a 9 to 5 I don't focus on what he does for me financially I focus on who he is as a man.
A love that will make you cry:
I keep an open mind and I am very supportive of what he does. I listen without judging and speak freely without letting my ego or insecurities guide my words. I have my own goals and dreams but I make every effort to help his dreams become a reality too.
A love you can feel inside:
I bring it in the bedroom! With him I will try anything once and go out of my way to make him feel good. Surprise him with sexy new lingerie and wear clothes I know he likes to turn him on when we go out.
I think most importantly I come to the relationship with a clean slate, by that I mean I have worked through past trust/abandonment issues, let go of past insecurities. Often times our relationships fail because we have shit that we haven't fully dealt with yet and honestly it is not anyone's job to fix us. As cliché as it sounds you really do have to love yourself first. I'm comfortable in my own skin I know this is supposed to be about what I bring to the relationship but I think my best quality is what I DON'T bring -emotional baggage
i think i need to be more patient as a wife... what i've experienced is that all of these things are easier said and done in the beginning when things are still fresh but not so easy when ur knee deep in the shit... i believe in unconditional love, but that's hard when ur husband tells u ur unattractive... just like i believe that you should be the best lover for each other but that's hard if you've married an inexperienced some body.
all in all, i think that patience, maturity, and the willingness to work at a thing is what people (both men and women) need to come to relationships with...
I believe when you have unconditional love and true friendship you can work through anything, even "trash sex" LOL! Not that its easy to do but the foundation to build on is there...think about the people you TRULY love (friends/fam) and what you wouldn't do for them, the person you choose to share your life with and make a new family with should receive nothing less, but it'll never happen if you don't have unconditional love
@ Ness & Ess (awww that rhymes) you're definitley not selfish on the "kids" topic, we kinda touched on this on PCL a few weeks ago, but speaking as a person with a kid its easier for me to deal with someone who has a child(ren), because if the babysitter cancels at the last minute, they understand - they've been there too, depending on the level of the relationship you may switch up and do something family-style for that date and it's no problem OR if you gotta "wait" til the kids are asleep ;-D actually that's more like :-( (LOL) they understand that too...
As women who don't have kids yet you have an absolute right to that "preference" and to not have to deal with those issues and there's nothing unreasonable about that at all
As u said, it's easier for someone w/ a child(ren) to date someone with a child(ren) b/c there's a little more understanding there. And we can all use an understanding person :)
And tht's the point I was trying to make w/ppl who don't have kids. :) I just ran off at the 'keyboard' lol.
I don't want to ppl to thnk that my msg is tht ppl w/ kids aren"t good 2 b with b/c I don't feel like that. I've dated guys w/ kids & it was 'okay' but I've also dated guys w/o and it was NICE!
Sometimes, guys w/ kids don't realize all the rambling tht they do about their children or their BM's or their finances etc. It's almost like second nature to them. And tht kinda takes away from wht we could be doing lol
I make it a point not to talk about my BD, just for the simple fact that's it's mostly negative, not to say you can't open up about your problems with that special someone sometimes but you just gotta be mindful...
that's along the same line as talkin about the relationship problems you had with your ex...don' nobody wanna hear that shyt...LOL
Sometimes, ppl think that b/c ur there that u want to hear about it all the damn time. I don't mine being your 'rock' here and there but dayum!! Can u shut the hell up about ur BM b/c u can call her all the bytches and hoes u want but tht doesn't change the fact tht u slept w/ her and had a baby by her! lol.
the same can be said for people that are newly divorced people...all they talk about is the divorce...its not that i'm not caring, but those subjects should be saved for after ur at least humpin!
But I would've done the same thing b/c who gives a sh*t on the first date. And then he tried to call YOU a gold digger just b/c he has 2 kids?! WTF!
Some ppl need to get their mind right and their sh*t together...lol
Myself, as far as what I bring to the table. I bring myself. . .an independent strong woman. Someone who is not looking for a man to take care of her, I can do that by myself. I'm not looking for someone to play daddy to my son, he already has one. I bring my heart, my desire, my drive & my ambition. I bring my willingness to support my man in everything he does, my desire to be his all. I also bring the ability to see the best in someone without ignoring the worst..
I doubt I'll find someone, at least not now. I have to learn to let go of my past first. I will never truly trust a man until I can do that. So for the time being, it'll be me all by my lonely!
Anyway, I'm really felling her and it 's got me wondering what I really want and can bring to a relationship. Deeper still, do I want to bring it now because i am really digging my life as it is right now. I'm single, no kids, educated (SOHK), I travel for work (including internationally), I'm tall, dark, AND handsome and I think I'm a pretty good lay. I'm a gentleman, yet i'm still real rough around the edges. I could be a nice little package for the right lady.
I know what I want from my life and I know what I want from the woman in my life. I want her to be strong, intelligent, interesting and interested. I want her to have dreams, set goals, know how to be a partner, is sexy and beautiful, in my eyes. Hopefully she will have no kids and not want any. Is respectful, kind and got a little bit of evil bitch in her. (I can be a handful sometimes, a weak bitch would get crushed). This is a long list and does not have to, of course, be all inclusive, Yall get what I mean. Nobody is perfect!!!
I always say that i'm not looking for a woman, but if one happens to find me, imma let it do what it do. I'm not afraid to be in a relationship. Actually I enjoy it because it gives me an opportunity to think outside of myself. I dig the closeness and all of that. Most cats do whether they say so or not. Like I said in the beginning of this rant, I'm feeling this chick so far. I got a good nose for people and I can feel the real ones almost immediately and in all the places that matter. Head, heart, loins, some of yall know what I mean. Plus with the crazy second chance meeting after almost a year, I feel compelled to see what other mysteries are there to discover. I'm out of town right now so I won't see her again until Saturday. We're going to see Anita Baker and then to our mutual friends (She knows my friends wife) bday party. I'm glad for the break so that I can have a chance to let this soak in and so can she. For the record, we have not been physical with each other and I told her that I wasn't in any rush to get there. I want to look for a while and see what's really going on. Is there really a connection, am I really sure I want to go there? Is she?
Damn, look at me going on and on.
Peace yall
sex complicates things. u being the firecracker that u are, might need to let things simmer. don't be in a rush. its no coincidence that you randomly ran into her....i'm weird in that i believe God or the universe makes things happen at exactly the right time. i feel that being on the road will lead to learning and longing and really developing a DEEPER connection u know?
some of the strongest, long lasting, realest (yes I said "realest", b/c sometimes you just gotta make up a word...LOL) relationships come when you least expect it, when you're not looking...and being content and happy with yourself and your life now is perfect timing b/c then you have what it takes to "not make" but "share" in the contentment and happiness that hopefully she is experiencing in her life at this same moment...
it's exciting but don't overthink it, let whatever is gonna happen, happen...naturally
don't over think it though. sometimes we can just want soooo much that we over do it....i don't think u would tho since ur going to be kinda far, but still....
how many people can count how many lovers they have had who has made it their personal mission to be held accountable for their partners happiness? its rough maintaining YOUR OWN. I have devotion. I'm a very caring person by nature,to a fault as cliche as that sounds. I want to grow into a relationship where there's understanding and appreciation that we both have the security and confidence in ourselves to form a union,taking eachother AS IS. I know its important to recognize each others strength and weaknesses. so we fill in where each other comes short. just make each other better.
on a side note, I look at Will and Jada as a nice model. they seem like such a TEAM, lol each wanting no less than the world. so they take it on together.
I love this posttt!!
i agree with you 1000%.ppl sometimes jumps into a relationship just because, just to be happy for now, or because the person lives somewhere else and they get to visit that spot (damn shame but it happens) or just so they can telll their friends and show off to others. Now they have someone that is all that in their life-bull shyt!!
funny thing is they're so easy to say "i love you, and i'm in love with you" within weeks-bull shytt too!!
but within months or a year later they can't take it anymore, can't be a woman and be serious, can't be strong enough (lames) meanwhile they made the person thinks it's all about them when it's not and just fucks with their heart....I am single and planing on staying that way...I am happy now and improving my life, my self, my being, well being, progressing, trying to achieve my goal, I put myself first now..and if i ever get into a relationship again I know I have learned and I would make sure the person's worth my precious time, and have to proved their love for me!!