40 comments

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  SugarTits

  10 months ago

  It makes sense. I want the men to understand that it a choice. You can fuck with her or not. No sense in dancing around the issue, and if a man does NOT want to deal with a woman with a child(ren) then he should stick to that. I know a few females that don't have children. I don't know if their womb is tainted or if it's by choice, but they are childless. And I also know females who dont give a damn about who is around the seeds, what they hear, see, eat.......it goes both ways. I feel that if a man decides to be involved with a single mother, it would behoove him to understand what all comes along with that. Not everyone is looking for a step daddy, or a pay master or made an error in judgement. Some woman don't receive child support, work a job or two AND goto school which leaves very little time to entertain and stroke the egos of inadequate men.
  
  A woman knows her position and will stay in pocket for the male suitor who's energy can sustain a woman who places a needed value on her family.
  
  I appreciate your post, many of the points are valid, however Xilla, as in the case of your Cinderella's glass slipper, one size does not fit all............
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  Kim ber lee

  10 months ago

  Much of this is SOOOOO correct. But it also goes for the males with multiple baby mommas. People have to understand the percentage of child abandonment , and how that balances out in how many childless women that are viable dating material.
  
  To blame the woman because a man abandons her is unfair. That I am sure NO woman would get with a man KNOWING he will abandon the seed. Some can make better choices. Especially the ones with the multiple children by multiple fathers.
  
  But again the same goes for men having many children by different women ... you have a list involved with that as well.
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  ANuJS

  10 months ago

  Too true. If we're talking about being honest, tell these foul dudes to be honest about whether or not they'll stick around and raise their children. Women wouldn't be single if men didn't leave them. Most of the men that step to you and don't want to date a woman with children have a lady with their kids at the house.
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  Dallas Black

  10 months ago

  All GREAT reasons. Plus the women need to disclose they have a crumb snatcher before I purchase the drink. Otherwise it is definitely a foul. Plus I am too selfish to not be number 1. I don't care if lil Leroy needs shoes...what about my beer?
  
  But why do single women often look so gosh darn good? Another foul. Dress your part.
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  what?

  10 months ago

  ASS-HOLE
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  BlogXilla

  10 months ago

  So they should dress like a mother? lol that's crazy! Single mothers look good because 1 they have a kid, 2 that's probably why they have a kid, and 2 niggas want them.
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  Good Girl Staying Good

  10 months ago

  I agree with you about the selfish part. I can not and will not share anything, and this includes MY man. I do not take in orphans and I refuse to date a male that comes with accessories (aka child(ren)). It is all about me and only me, not me, him, baby, baby mother, baby mother's friends and baby mother's family. I just can't do it and I salute the people who do. Broken families are problems and I dont need that problem mixed in with MY life.
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  kimberlee

  10 months ago

  sugartits, I enjoyed your response. It was very valid and on point.
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  SugarTits

  10 months ago

  Thank you.
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  ANuJS

  10 months ago

  Xilla don't you have a child? I get what you're saying, but....are you saying that women with kids aren't worth dating? Women will intentionally try and take you for child support. I know single mothers and for the most part they go above and beyond to make sure that they just have that one child. I, when I was a single mom, made sure that any booty calls were private. Nobody seen my son that I was just friends (with benefits) with. Most men assumed that since I had a baby, I was giving it up regardless....NOT TRUE. I was also VERY concerned that I had messed up ONCE and I didn't want another sorry *ucker to be my "baby daddy". I was selective. All women aren't like this post. Between this and the slim vs. think...come on. Note to men: sometimes women are just out for a nut 2. We don't want to date you, don't need your phone #, don't even need ur real name, we couldn't care less how many babies you have (b/c we don't want to be their "mommy" either). We just need the goods. I would venture to say that not all women are out to find their baby a new daddy. Be honest and you'd squash all the b.s.
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  Slim Goodie

  10 months ago

  Just Steph, That was a real as it could be. Point Blank!
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  hmm

  10 months ago

  he has more then one JustSteph...im jus sayin.......................
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  BlogXilla

  10 months ago

  That's right I have 2 kids but note to all -- "It was crafted by my brother after a conversation at work. So here you go 13 reasons to avoid dating single mothers."
  
  
  and if i just sat here and posted stuff we all agreed upon there would be no need to debate.
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  Slim Goodie

  10 months ago

  Sugar Tits,
  I COMLETELY and Totally Agree. I'm a single mother of a 6 year old boy.
  
  1. If you follow directions and don't have sex for the 6 weeks after giving birth, your womb will be just like new. (Anatomy)
  
  2. It's true, either we can't or don't want to find a baby sitter.
  
  3. I have to say this is just bad! I would not be having sex until my child is put to bed, and I am sure he is asleep. It has never happened but I would be embarressed, I'd feel bad because my son has seen me having sex.
  
  4.No Baby Daddy Drama, LADIES GET THAT S*** IN CHECK! WE ARE GROWN FOLKS, You had your chance, MOVE THE F*** on! The only thing you should have contact with me for is OUR son, THAT'S IT!
  
  5. Believe it or not there are some guys who don't mind doing for your kids. I guess it's to get closer to you but, whatever.
  No Rent A Daddies! Until I believe you are the "ONE" for me. My son's father is in his life. Thanks Anyway (My Son will take PSP and Playstaion 2 Games and monetary donations).
  
  6. I guess I would have to Agree with this, Move On. I can't f*** you until 10:00 when my son will be sleep!
  
  7.Guess this is true, if the family is loveable....You will miss them. Can't Argue that!
  
  8. I teach my son to respect all adults. If my son were to say that to his potential step father, I would check it. Not to take sides, but he will respect adults! Especially his step father!
  
  9. No YOU don't know what I'm going to do. People shouldn't make the same mistake twice, If you knock me up, it's because you and I went to the doctor got tested for diseases and we mutually agreed we would have unprotected sex. So YOU knew that there was a possiblity this could happen!
  
  10.I WAS grossly irresponsible and I wouldn't even call it that! I am happy I had my son, even by the guy I had him with. Even though we are no longer together, I don't regret him being the father of my son. And as I mentioned earlier, some people do...But shouldn't make the same mistake twice.
  
  11. Uneccessary Expenditures, ANYTHING YOU SPEND ON ME OR MY CHILD(REN) IS AND NECESSARY not to mention WORTH IT!
  
  12 True, MY SON come's first. YOU WILL NEVER BE # 1
  
  13. I won't even get into child support. That varies from case to case. Unless you are dealing with a Diddy I don't even think it's worth it. I can't take off work to go through all the court dates and filing motions ect...and only get enough money to pay the BGE bill. If your not my child's father, I'm not taking you to child support. I got this!
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  SugarTits

  10 months ago

  Hey Slim.........me likey.....good way to address all the issues..........nice touch....my baby is 6yo, too. She is the love of my life.
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  MandiiNichole

  10 months ago

  *stands & applauds for Slim Goodie*
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  kingsmomma

  10 months ago

  I second that emotion
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  kyas_mami

  9 months ago

  PREACH!!!!
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  LawdHaveMercy

  10 months ago

  SO CAN WE GET A POST CALLED 13 REASONS NOT TO DATE BABY DADDIES OR SINGLE FATHERS? TELL YOUR BROTHER TO COME UP WITH THAT LIST.
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  BlogXilla

  10 months ago

  I'm a step ahead of you you wish is my command
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  BlogXilla

  10 months ago

  That's a link**
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  LawdHaveMercy

  10 months ago

  LOL..That's not 13 reasons,that's only 5,now see why is there more reasons not to date a single mother?
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  hmm

  10 months ago

  I thought Necole Bitchie did a list for the baby daddies soon after Xilla originally did this post... hers was really good. there seems to be a lot of recycled post floating around here lately. o well
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  mzvirgo

  10 months ago

  Ooooohhh Xilla...
  
  Even though you didn't write this, I remember this one all too well. And I have no kids.
  
  But if the roles were reversed and I said I didn't want a man with kids, then they would be just as offended. True story, I said that to a guy, not knowing he had kids and he got all in my face like, "what's wrong with a man with kids?? I have kids, I take care of them, blah blah". They kill me with that statement with the "I take care of my kids", as if it were to make the situation any better. You're supposed to take care of your kids!!
  
  But I just feel like people have preferences and there are some people out there who don't mind dating a man or a woman who has kids. I have tried it, but the truth was, his kids were a priority. Always has been and always will be.
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  tay

  10 months ago

  Ok, first I'd like to say "well dam", and secondly.. I am a single mother and truthfully, honestly none of those 13 reasons apply to me. I am grateful and fortunate enough to be real as they have ever came, have lots of family (always willing to spend time w/my lil one), have more than enough of my own money, and my "baby daddy" is happily married which Im thanking god for.
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  NaijaWifey

  10 months ago

  SLIM GOODIE,
  
  YOU HIT THE DAMN, NAIL ON THE HEAD....
  
  XILLA YOU AND YOUR IGNORANT POST HAVE BEEN WORKING MY NERVES FOR THE PAST WEEK.....
  
  I TRULY FEEL FOR THE THICK, SINGLE MOMMAS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING, YOU ARE ABOUT TO PUSH THEM OFF THE BRIDGE!
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  Slim Goodie

  9 months ago

  LOL, Naija You are funny. That was good Tho....
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  VIChick

  10 months ago

  Some of your points are valid xilla but what about guys with kids. I think some men have alot of crazy ass issues. I am so sick and tired of men telling me oh i am single but have kids with different women I might add, and they swear up and down they dont have baby momma drama but the bitch calls your phone wanting to know how do you know "her man". Women are like men also, once you lay down with them and you two have kids that dick is still theirs regardless. And ni**@s will still hit it because they still have access to it. I am so sick of men with crazy ass baby momma issues, but in this day and age it is so hard to meet someone that doesn't have kids.
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  JMK

  10 months ago

  I am a dude talking to a single mom right now. I agree with some points and feel the babysitter one for sure. Sometimes I feel like she just doesn't want to hang out, not that she can't but doesn't try. Anatomy is still good, and luckily in this picture the father has been out of the picture for awhile. With the kid since we aren't together I have no say and respect that but will talk to her about that before we are serious, so I do not get the "your not my dad" etc.
  
  Real problem I have found though is that 1. she uses the kid against you. and 2. She seems to talk to an endless number of guys (since I have morals I feel bad for her kid cause she has all these guys in her life). So I guess in a way it isnt the single mother aspect that the problem but instead the fact that she still act like a whore (something that is universal, mom or no children)
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  what?

  10 months ago

  Why are you still talking to her if she has this endless amount of dudes in her life?
  
  And how the hell is she finding time to do all of that? It all has to do with the woman's priorities. Honestly by the time I'm done with work and doing everything for my child that I have to do when I get home I don't feel like kicking it, or going through the trouble of getting a babysitter. But thats neither here nor there, JMK I don't think this single mother is feeling you...
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  JMK

  9 months ago

  Well right now she has no job cause she is preparing for school. In all honesty I understand the priorities but the real problem is that she doesn't do much. And the babysitter thing is usually after she says she wants to hang out etc, then when the time comes she can't find a sitter. Thats why I say that. I can deal with not having all her free time etc, but its when you know she is hangin out with another dude over you when she has that free time ocassionally. I understand friends are friends, but when time is limited (and yes I work nights so she has the ability to hang out with friends when I am working), and she chooses not to hang out thats when I have the problem.
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  Slim Goodie

  9 months ago

  And my thing is that you are still attracted to her. (New Blog) Guys that love deadbeat women!
  She doesn't work, she's preparing for school, (school started in August you know).
  How will she support her kids while in school with no job? If she's on welfare that's fine and none of my business, but these women kill me with no job, kids, don't even WANT to do anything with themselves and guys are all over them.
  Why do you like her, and it seems as if you are hurt that she puts you on the back burner. Please be honest, if your whipped then that's what it is. I'm just curious.... You seem pretty decent!
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  2Sassy

  10 months ago

  Im sorry, I'm a women with no kids...and in general, if I were a man I'd never date a woman with kids. So sorry {in my best Korean voice when the don't have your color hair (yours, not mine. I rock it too natural)}! And the ladies on here with the strongest views are the same ones who seem to be doing a spectacular job. Don't be so mad and try not to take it personal. It's bigger than you and I know, I know...yall gonna hit me with some anger but the fact remains the same...people with children have a bunch of extra responsibilities that a single person with no kid can wait to take on. (And this goes for both sexes, too.) Don't judge me..hahaa
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  Carmen Sandiego

  10 months ago

  now y u go and start this mess again??? damn can of worms is what it is....
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  kyas_mami

  10 months ago

  As a single mom I have to admit, you have some very valid points here Xilla. These are some of the things I was most concerned with, when I decided I was ready to start dating again. My boyfriend has children so I think it was a little easier for him to understand the different things that could come up that might prevent me from giving him my undivided attention and things like that. When we started dating I made sure that he understood that I was in no way looking for a "replacement" father for my daughter, I think that it's very important to get that out of the way as early as possible so it doesnt come back to bite you in the ass later. Dating for single parents can be very scary, but it's alot easier when the other party involved is mature, secure within themselves, and if they have kids themselves
  
  I also want to say that the "tag you're it" point is SOME BULL!!! My daughters BIOLOGICAL father has never been a part of her life, we broke up when I was 3 mos pregnant... I didnt want to file for child support on him because I KNEW that once he found out he would quit whatever job he had, and I didnt WANT shit from his ass, but because I was getting assistance I HAD to. Not every woman wants to hit a nigga for child support just because she can... besides I didnt even kno you could do some ish like that and i LiVE in Cali
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  Sherine

  9 months ago

  As a female with no kids, I totally understand and I can respect it.
  Ive tried dating men with kids.. and its interesting to say the least.
  
  What I find HIGHLY entertaining...is MEN with kids..Who dont like dating WOMEN with kids...
  Makes no sense to me.
  
  Ive just found for me, its about having someone who can offer me exactly what I can offer them. After me, thats basically it, so If I meet a man and it gets serious.. He can be a priority in my world.. When dating my ex.. It was him, his son, ofcourse the baby mama..and then me.
  
  I promised myself I would NEVER do that to myself again. I deserve more than that. Interesting blog indeed.
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  ANuJS

  9 months ago

  What about the men that have about 5 different baby mommas....where picking up the kids from their motherS house can take all damn day.
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  Jittauni

  9 months ago

  This is the most ignorant piece of sh*t I have ever read. I don't even have kids and I'm offended. I mean does the same go for single fathers? Do we look at them like their contaminated?! No, for the most part we applaud a man who takes care of his own seed but when a woman does it she's undateable. BS!
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  dub

  9 months ago

  Well #1 you can rule out because she already had the baby... so if u like what u see post delivery, chances are she's all good!
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  Kim

  9 months ago

  Jittauni I totally agree.
  And you wonder why is it that the black family structure is so fucked up today. If a woman tell a guy that she has kids, the man will react as if she has Ebola. Whats funny is that alot of single fathers will bust out with the baby pictures thinking thats supposed to score him some points with the ladies.
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